We're still us

I’m going on holiday today! The United Kingdom and Denmark. Excited to spend time with family across the pond and do some adventuring with my partner Tanvi.

As excited as I am, it made me think of this comic from the New Yorker: Oh no, we’re still us.

We all look for travel for a bit of escape. Mix things up. Shake up the humdrum. But at the end of the day, a good reminder we still bring ourselves to the destination. The same aches, pains, and everything in between.

It doesn’t get solved because we leave; it doesn’t wait until we return. The trip isn’t the solution. It’s always the internal work that is.

Enjoy the voyage — but don’t leave yourself behind!

Source: New Yorker

Weak Ends

As many of us approach the long weekend, I like this concept by writer Austin Kleon: I am no longer weakened by the weekend.

He shares how he changed his weekend approach. Before, he despised weekends because it was just a glorified gap between work. And then he’d feel guilty that his free time should have been used on purpose higher than having fun. He was afraid of leisure.

So he switched it up. No more overstuffing. Less intensity. More space.

He writes: “The weekend begins with Friday night pizza and a movie with the boys. Saturday morning, I still got up pretty early, and I still wrote in my diary. But afterwards, I just puttered around, read books, played piano, went for a walk, messed around in the yard, etc. My eight-year-old and I finally watched Star Wars and chased it with some Donkey Kong. Sunday, I read the paper and called my mom and laid in a hammock and read while the boys got their screen time.”

Truly a restorative end of the week. Food for thought: are you feeling weak at the end of your weekend? Or can they shift to something more restful?

Fo’c’s’le

I visited the Intrepid Sea Air & Space Museum last weekend. A terrific experience learning about life on an aircraft carrier: the biggest warship in the Navy.

“Located in Manhattan, New York, the USS Intrepid (CV-11), the third Essex class aircraft carrier built by the United States, was commissioned on August 16, 1943. It served as part of the Pacific Fleet during World War II and later served in Cold War and the Vietnam War. 50,000 men served on Intrepid during the ship's service.”

My grandfather Ajja and granduncles were part of the armed services, so this museum had a special meaning for me. I was fondly remembering them as I walked the halls.

A couple of interesting facts that I learned:

• Landing an aircraft on a carrier is considered a “controlled crash.” A pilot decelerates from 150mph to 0 mph in 2 seconds. They can launch a plane every 50 seconds.

• The runway is about 300 feet long—a mere 3% of the length of a normal airport runway (around 8000 feet). Imagine trying to land an aircraft on an extremely small surface—adding in high wind and a churning ocean (!!)

• A captain commands a ship, and an admiral commands a group of ships. If a ship is the lead ship of a group of vessels, it’s considered a “flagship” — that’s where the word comes from!

• Cakes were frequently used to boost the morale of sailors; and the Intrepid had its own local newspaper, written by the crew and printed on board.

• A fo’c’s’le, short for ‘forecastle,’ is the forward part of a ship with the sailors' living quarters.

A huge salute to all active duty and veterans who took on so much to protect us. We are grateful for your service!

Source; Wikipedia

Fight Forward

When we’ve been wronged, the instant advice is ‘fight back.’ Get even. Take revenge. Retaliate.

After watching the Ted Lasso finale a few weeks ago, I was reflecting on a quote they said. “Don’t fight back; fight forward.”

What a perfect way to rephrase this. It was never you against them. It’s you against yourself. It’s the best way to keep energy in the right area.

Protect your power, focus on your journey, and write your future.

Una noche con Adela

I saw an incredible Spanish film at the Tribeca Film Festival: Una noche con Adela.

The film is a brutal family drama that follows Adela, a disturbed street sweeper in Madrid, as she enacts retribution for an incident from her youth over the course of one night.

It explores themes of religion, sin, childhood trauma, and revenge. What I found fascinating was the cinematography. The director Hugo Ruíz employs a single-shot long take; the entire 105-minute movie is shot in one continuous, uninterrupted flow.

Laura Galán, the actress who plays Adela, is tracked for every moment — every breath, every ache, every cry. And my goodness, it was visceral. I could feel every bit of claustrophobia, isolation, and suspense.

We got to meet the director & cinematographer for a Q&A. The film was shot in only nine days with a simple rig. When asked about his choice of cinematography, director Ruíz shares: “I want you to feel her silence and rage at the same time.”

Powerful. And it made me reflect on a storytelling adage: “how you tell” is as important as “what you tell.”

Have you seen any movies that gripped you by how they were filmed?

Neither here nor there

I saw Monsoon Wedding this past week. It was a lovely adaptation of the 2001 film by Mira Nair.

The play centers on the complexities of family relationships and love. Set in modern-day New Delhi, the plot revolves around a joyous and chaotic wedding celebration.

One of the characters that I found interesting was the groom Hemant. He’s a US-born Indian and finds himself a little out of place in both countries. In India, he feels American. But in America, he feels Indian.

He laments “I’m neither here nor there. I’m forever in-between.” It resonated with me as someone in the same shoes.

Identity is hard. And when you’re represented across cultures, it can feel like a mush. As I got older, I realized it’s more of a mosaic. Beautiful across its many parts.

Source: NYT

Museum of Failure

I visited the Museum of Failure yesterday. It was a humorous experience on the other side of innovation. For every hit, there are hundreds of misses. And that’s okay.

The museum’s mission: “Innovation and progress require an acceptance of failure. The museum aims to stimulate productive discussion about failure and inspire us to take meaningful risks.”

Here are some of my favorite failures:

• Apple Pippin: Apple’s failed internet-capable gaming console that shuttered in a year in the 90s.

• Hula chair: A gyrating seat that is supposed to be the ultimate ab-workout “where you can sit and get fit.”

• Cabbage Patch Kids Snacktime: A doll that “ate” plastic snacks but became a nightmare when it started gnawing on kids’ fingers + hair and did not let go!

• UroClub: A golf club that you could urinate into (!!) with a towel-like piece of fabric (‘privacy shield’) to be more discreet.

• Trump Ice: Donald Trump’s own branded bottle water….among many other failed ventures.

It was an excellent reminder that stumbles are part of life. Even major corporations flush with cash and personnel screw up too. And they had a failure wall where you could share your flukes — and laugh about it too. ❌

“Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo” - Jon Sinclair 

Get Through It

Difficult periods can be made better with a little comfort.

But there are times when I’ve been told: “Get over it.” Ouch. Not always simple to do. And it creates a lot of shame and doubt in your ability to overcome.

A kinder statement: “You’ll get through it.” A subtle shift that applauds the person’s strength. That even if it’s messy, confusing, or painful — you’ll make it to the other side.

Even better? “We’ll get through it.” A beautiful way to make hard moments much more bearable. When you’re in it together.

Golden Rule

I joined a new company this week! It comes with a flood of feelings: excitement, nervousness, curiosity, fear, and hope.

We all like to begin on the right foot. As I’ve gotten older and started in a few places, there’s a concept that I like for starting strong: reliability.

If you say what you’ll do and then actually do it — you set a foundation of strength. No reminders, no follow-ups. Being golden with your word.

It creates such a seamless web of deserved trust. Simple, but definitely not easy.

How do you set the tone from the jump?

Width

I was thinking about my hobbies. In the last year, I’ve narrowed my areas to 1-2 things — focusing on “depth.”

But a thought crossed my mind: am I living the width of life? Yes, it’s important to specialize, but every so often, I should expand my horizons and try something new.

That mixture of novelty, curiosity, and discomfort is healthy. If you can wander a little, you can explore the edges of what’s possible. And may find a little inspiration on the way.

How are you exploring your range?

Buy This, Not That

I read an incredible financial management book: Buy This, Not That from Sam Dogen, aka the Financial Samurai.

His goal is to “slice through money’s mysteries,” and I found so many interesting tidbits. Here are some of my favorites:

• Make 70/30 decisions. Think of life in probabilities vs binaries. There are never 100% decisions. The 70/30 philosophy states that you should seek to make a decision only if you have at least a 70% probability of making an optimal decision. Focus decisions in this range of comfort.

• Focus on the FI in FIRE. Your goal is to work because you want to, not because you have to. Nobody yearns to retire from work they enjoy doing. To be truly financially independent, you need 20X your gross income in net worth. Think of yourself as the chief investment officer and chief risk officer of your own finances.

• Car Buying: 1/10 Rule. Spend no more than 10% of your annual gross income on a car. That’s the safest way never to buy too much “car” that you can’t afford.

• House Buying: 30/30/3 Rule. Aim to own the place you live, especially in a low-cost living area where you plan to stay long-term. Follow three tips to avoid stress:

  • Rule 1: Spend no more than 30% of your gross income on a monthly mortgage payment

  • Rule 2: Have at least 30% of home value saved up in cash assets. (20% down payment + 10% in cash for furniture, repairs, and insurance).

  • Rule 3: Limit the value of your home to no more than 3X your annual household gross income.

• Career: Don’t quit, ask to be laid off. High-performing individuals may want to request a layoff instead of quitting. By offering to hire your replacement and giving a 3-month notice (versus 2 weeks), you can ask to receive severance, extend benefits, and continue deferred compensation like stock.

It’s always refreshing to learn new thinking about money. What other tips do you have for building your financial house? 💰

Blessing <> Lesson

“We met for a reason. Either you’re a blessing or a lesson.” – Frank Ocean

Wow, what a healthy reminder. Our lives are filled with all types of people — those who love us dearly and those who… don’t.

Both are important. The former are gifts, and the latter are teachers. And each group leaves an indelible imprint that serves us in some way or another.

Great White Shark

I saw something fun & motivational on Twitter. One of the writers I follow: Codie Sanchez, mentioned a quote her husband shares when she is feeling down:

“Are you a good white shark? Or a great white shark?”

Great white sharks are great for a reason. 2.5 tons, 20 feet, 300 serrated teeth— they command the ocean as the largest predatory fish.

Carcharodon carcharias has nothing to prove. And we’re no different. A killer instinct lives inside all of us. It takes the right alchemy to bring it out - but it’s there when you need it.

Sometimes it takes a gentle nudge: You’re not just good; you’re great. 🦈

8 Rules of Love

I recently finished 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty and enjoyed it a lot. It was an instructive read on how to practice and nurture love.

Here are some insights that I appreciated:

• There’s a ‘you’ before, a ‘you’ during, and a ‘you’ after every relationship. Spend time in solitude developing a relationship with yourself. Learn your own needs, boundaries, and triggers — and practice self-soothing and self-supporting. We don’t want to treat our partners like human Advil to restore us.

• We all want to grow old together, but we forget to give significance to the growing part. Aim to look at your +1 as a guru, not a god. Work with your partner to understand their goals and what they need to get there. But remember: wanting to help should not be confused with wanting to control. Don’t force your timeline on them for their goals. You want a partnership, not ownership.

• The only successful argument is when we both win. When dealing with conflict, the goal is not to score a victory. Every time one of you loses, you both lose. Every time the problem loses, you both win. Understand your partner’s way of fighting and try to use PEACE (Place and Time, Expression, Anger Management, Commitment, Evolution). The best apology is changed behavior.

• The greatest way to experience love is to give it. Spreading love everywhere you go is the best way to feel more love in your life, and that’s not just with your romantic partner. Look for little areas you can ask yourself: “How can I give love today?" — your capacity to love will increase tenfold. And you’ll feel the wonderful sensation of a helper’s high or giver’s glow.

And something I’ve internalized over the years: when you love someone, always tell them.

What are your tips for building healthy, happy relationships? 💖

Kintsugi

I was watching Ted Lasso this week and heard a word that I loved: Kintsugi.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that by embracing flaws, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.

It’s a 400-year-old technique that highlights the "scars" as a part of the design. The idea is that breakage and repair is part of the history of an object; rather than something to disguise — aka “golden repair.”

This resonated. Our imperfections are just strands of beauty. When stepping back, they can make something lovely.

100%

We would all love to give our best in everything we do. Full tilt. Maximum output. One hundred percent.

But there are days or weeks that just sap our energy. We find ourselves in low power mode — our tank filled up a quarter. And we feel still feel bad when we can’t give ourselves fully.

I saw this graphic that reframed my thinking: When you only have 40%, and you give 40%, you gave 100%.

What an incredible way to give yourself grace. Realizing that effort is effort. Even when it feels like nothing, it’s something.

XXXIII

I turned 33 last week. (A palindrome in both decimal and binary!) Some reflections:

• 💭 Don’t believe everything you think. Your mind will always take care of you, but sometimes it does too much. I’ve been my own worst enemy at times, fighting with myself on why I’m not good enough. I’m learning to be friends with the voice inside my head.

• 📏 Measure once, cut once: I want to get better at balancing planning and execution. There are times I’ve gone too fast (cut too early) or too slow (measured twice). Both led to poor outcomes in my projects. A reminder to make a solid plan, don’t over-engineer it, and just GO.

• 💙 Start gently, end gracefully. We hold ourselves up to impossible standards. And when we stumble, our first reaction is to lambast. There’s so much worth in treating ourselves with love. Be gentle with yourself. And when our loved ones stumble too, give them grace. Forgive them, learn together, and start again.

Grateful for the blessings of the past year and thankful for the gifts ahead in the new year!

1-on-1

I’ve been spending time in my hometown in the last few weeks. I’m blessed to have so many loved ones here.

My brother and I are planning an event so we can see everyone and catch up. But as I reflected, was it really a “catch up”? At best, I’d hear about the topline topics: work, family, trips, etc. But at worst, it would feel shallow — I don’t actually know about their life.

So I planned a lot more individual hangouts. It’s been lovely — we can truly ask and answer the question: How are you really doing? And spend the time discovering the deep grooves.

Grateful to always leave these chats with a full cup. So when it comes to folks I care about, a good reminder to myself to think small… and take them for coffee. ☕️

Curve That Line Back

I liked this piece by cartoonist Dave Kellett: Your Life is a Line.

He reflects on silver linings. Setbacks are normal and common — things will eventually go awry.

But being knocked down is different from being knocked out; it’s always an opportunity. It can clarify what we want, where we want to go, and with whom we want to do it.

Understanding what life has given us may take months. But time heals. And we will soon be ready to draw a new page.

Can we turn a curve ball into a curve blessing?

Source; Dave Kellett

Doing That

I liked this tweet from Richard Ngo:

I often look at people's achievements and think: I wish I'd done that. More rarely, I see the work that went into those achievements and think: I wish I were doing that.

It’s natural to glamorize the finish line. The folks who summit are the most admirable.

But every race had months of practice. Every climb had days of work. Every overnight success was 10 years in the making.

A good pinch-me reminder to fall in love with the work that got there. The rest takes care of itself.