Messy

I finished Ted Lasso S4 this week. Though I found this season underwhelming, I still appreciate that the show wrestles with bigger topics — with heart & goodness.

In the finale, one of the characters, Rebecca Walton, is managing upheaval and loss. As she processes her emotions, there’s an inspiring dialogue that resonated:

“We laugh, we hurt, we fall, we get back up. We're a mess. And that is... fantastic because being messy just means being alive. And we could all do with being a bit more alive.”

It’s a good reminder that feeling deeply, even when it’s intense & confusing, is just the price of being human. No need to run away from ourselves — a hollowed-out zombie. Our mess is the miracle of being alive.

Seasons

If we’re lucky, life is long. And in a long life, the only thing we can count on is change.

Honestly? This is hard to process. A huge hurdle to realize things aren’t the same anymore (for better or worse).

I’ve been thinking about change when it comes to people. Unfair to expect our relationships to stay static forever. Things will shift and drift naturally—but it's not easy to accept.

There are few relationships that wonderfully evolve. Despite shifting times, they grow into a new normal. Both parties put care, effort, and love into recommitting to a fresh version of the “now” — releasing the past and embracing the present.

How lucky are we to have loved ones who adapt to all seasons of our lives?

Still & Move

I continue to be drawn to simplicity—what can we do to reduce noise in our lives to be healthier & happier?

I wrote recently about movement. We don’t need to be a marathoner; we just need to be a mover.

But what about our mental health? I saw a quotation recently that elevated my thinking.

The body is meant for movement. The mind is meant to be still. You feel bad because your body is still and your mind keeps moving.

Very well said. And it hits close to home: my brain can be an engine that doesn’t shut off, aggravated by my phone habits.

Reminder to myself: if I’m feeling out of sorts, it’s because I did the reverse. Let my body move, and let my mind rest.

Proud of you

I write a lot about how I can keep improving, why it matters, and the struggle to make it real.

The idea of 1% better draws me in daily: a growth mindset will always serve you better in the long term than a fixed mindset.

…but recently I came across a tweet that investor Shaan Puri found that opened my eyes:

“Your relationship with yourself cannot be built entirely on improvement. At some point, you have to become someone you are allowed to enjoy being. You get to be proud of who you are. Present tense.”

It’s an honest commentary on this hustle-to-improve culture. Yes, we can keep working on ourselves, but we can also give ourselves permission to love the version we are right now.

Puri writes it best: “Be proud of who you are now. Not just focused on being better in the future.”

Oh Well! > What If?

We have one beautiful, amazing, winding life. And there are only so many “shots at goal” before we depart.

Many shots won’t score. Some will zig, some will zag. Others will completely whiff. It’s easy to wonder: is it worth giving it a go? Why not just pack it up and forget the attempt?

As I get older, I realize it’s a privilege to get an attempt. We aren’t promised a chance again — and moments like this will pass if we wait long enough.

I’d rather not ruminate on my apprehension: “What if?”— but happy I embraced an opportunity, even if it blew up. “Oh well…”

Go with gusto. And take the shot.

Lovingly

I was reflecting this week on some of the acts we do for our loved ones. On the whole, we act with pure intentions.

But other times, our acts can be layered with some impurity: annoyance, guilt, anger, even revenge.

Not because we’re bad to the core. But we’re human — messy, imperfect, and surviving. One of the areas I’m trying to think about: “If I’m giving, what am I giving lovingly?”

A small check to myself that I’m doing something with a full heart — without strings or complexity.

Don't rattle the handle

At some point in our lives, we have to walk away from pieces of our lives—a tough job, a toxic relationship, or something else.

It may have been wonderful for a while, but eventually you know it’s hurting more than helping. So you close that door and try to move on.

But every so often… you look over your shoulder and wonder, “Hmm… what could have been?”

Extremely tempting to go back to the door and rattle the handle. Testing out if it still makes sense in your life. Weirdly enough, there’s comfort in what’s been — a known devil vs. the complete unknown.

Take a breath. Gather yourself. And try to look forward. Trust you made the best decision to remember yourself. Many more doors lie ahead.

Inch of Movement

I write a lot about systems & habits, because I truly feel we can orchestrate our environment to move us forward.

Rather than relying on willpower — a mercurial force that’s hard to stay consistent with — we can create automation to propel us.

But let’s be honest, we’re human. And despite every best intention & effort, every habit and system will hit a roadblock. I just can’t today…

I saw this quotation that I liked: An inch of movement is better than a mile of intentions.

I like this because it reframes progress as extremely achievable.

• Missed your 5-mile run? It’s okay, just take the stairs instead of the escalator today.

• Didn’t eat healthy this week? It’s okay, just swap out one cookie for a protein shake today.

• Worried about a presentation soon? It’s okay, just create a new document and write your name on it today.

It reduces the compounding pressure to be perfect. Sustainability beats optimization. When you fall off the horse, don’t jump back on yet.

Brush yourself off, take a breath, and walk one step forward.

The Throwaway Theory

The first thing we create will always be messy. But we hold ourselves to extremely high standards, so we're not okay with this. Tough pill to swallow.

That means heavy paralysis to start. Why even try? And then we convince ourselves it’s not worth it.

I saw this post that I liked: The Throwaway Theory. Essentially, lower the stakes. Assume the first thing you make, you’re going to ball it up and toss it in the trash. It will be ugly. That’s not only okay, but actually intentional.

But it immediately lowers the pressure for perfection. It gives psychological safety and graceful permission to iterate. You can be expansive and creative — without the baggage of self-judgment.

Is there something you can start soon with the intention that you can just chuck it?

Anicca

The Devis and I are in Montana & Oregon this week — Glacier National Park and the PNW Evergreen Coast. Spending time with the serene forests and babbling brooks is truly restorative.

As I’ve been surrounded by all this green & blue, it made me reflect on a word I heard recently: Annica.

It’s a Buddhist concept of impermanence —where nothing in the physical or mental world is fixed or unchanging.

Very difficult to see in years or decades, but if we zoom out far enough, everything we’re witnessing on this trip is fleeting and changing.

Majestic McDonald Lake? It was created by massive sheets of moving ice that flattened the landscape during the last ice age.

The Alpine glaciers? Forever retreating rapidly due to climate change — from ~150 in 1850 to 25 today.

It made me extra appreciative to just sit back, soak it all in, and enjoy the big awe. ⛰️

Mental Calluses

Our mind & body are forever connected. If one starts to falter, the whole thing breaks down.

As I get older, I’m fascinated by how much our mind can lead our body to great heights. The right attitude combined with the right system? A force multiplier.

But to foster the mind, I’m realizing it takes similar intention too. When you lift, your hands start to develop calluses that thicken to keep your hands strong. It can apply to the mind too.

How? If we can expose ourselves to small discomfort (e.g., long-form reads, deeper conversations, even boredom), we can slowly improve the resilience of our mind.

Exercise for the brain is as important as exercise for the body! 🧠

Storms & Sun

We’ve had beautiful weather last 2 days in NYC. Low 80s, comfortable dew point, easy breeze with sunny skies.

Good weather can truly be a balm for the soul. Extra appreciated after we had a bout of smoke-filled evenings and intense rain.

Weather fascinates me because it’s fleeting. It always changes. A beautiful day will eventually finish. A horrible day will pass too.

It made me think of life. If there is a storm in your life, just hang on — the weather will change.

If things are sunny — savor it. Enjoy it fully with ten toes down. Because it won’t last either too. ⛈️ ☀️

Forget your scarf

I was reflecting on quality time — restorative moments we spend that fill our cup up.

As our lives evolve, this time gets harder to access. More scheduled, time-blocked — with clear start & stops. 30 min coffee. 2 hour dinners. It’s done when convenient and cancellable on a whim.

Poet Mikko Harvey had a memorable stanza: “The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.”

It resonated. Some of the most tender moments are unstructured & messy. It’s nice to leave room in our life for that.

Music to Feel

I went to hear the New York Philharmonic a few weeks ago — at the beautiful David Geffen Hall at Lincoln Center.

I have always been in awe hearing a full orchestra — since my early days learning the violin in middle school. The swell of a hundred instruments coming together in melody? A transcendent experience.

The new Artistic Director Gustavo Dudamel says it best: “We hear music, but most importantly, we feel it. Music is more than entertainment; it’s a space where people can come together for beauty, consolation, celebration and connection.”

Well said. As the march towards synthetic (AI/devices) feels all-consuming, it feels wonderful to experience something quintessentially analog: a simple afternoon with amazing music.

America 250

It’s July 4! And happy 250 to America.

It’s amazing that in relative terms, a quarter of a millennium isn’t that long in the arc of history — but so much had to happen to get this country to this point.

Born here as a 1st generation, it’s been an interesting to see the US evolve as I’ve grown up.Yes, many broken things to fix— but we are lucky to have opportunity & freedom that isn’t always available or accessible in places.

Happy semiquincentennial (yes, a real word!) to my country! I feel hopeful that our generation and the ones to follow will lift our nation to higher heights. 🇺🇸

Costless but Priceless

Today is a special day — two big events! Tanvi is graduating with a fellowship in pediatric hospital medicine (PHM), and it’s also my Amma’s birthday.

Two wonderful people. And one of the amazing values both share is kindness.

Being nice? That’s easy. You can do it once and call it a day. It can also be faked and used in nefarious ways.

Being kind? That’s hard. It takes a lifetime of consistency, care, and sacrifice. An intentional value that’s a lifetime commitment.

Warren Buffett had a memorable quote: "Kindness is costless, but priceless." It doesn’t cost you dearly to be kind, but the second-order effects are immeasurable. It’s a beautiful ripple that uplifts anyone it touches.

All the love and wishes to two very kind people in my life! 💌

Snug Harbor

I went to visit Staten Island a few weeks ago — and I visited a place called “Snug Harbor”.

Located on the North Shore of Staten Island, Snug Harbor is an 83-acre urban oasis & historical landmark. It boasts Greek Revival, Beaux-Arts, and Victorian architecture with art galleries, museums, and beautiful grounds.

But where did the name “snug” come from? I assumed it was named after a person or memory. Actually, it’s much simpler & straightforward.

Snug Harbor was originally founded in the 19th century as a retirement home for aged mariners. In 1833, Captain Robert Richard Randall wanted to establish a retreat for retired sailors. After a lifetime battling the open ocean, he wanted a place for them to come home.

The name was literally that: a final peaceful & cozy refuge where they could finally rest. It had a working farm, dairy, bakery, hospital, power plant, and even a chapel and theater.

If you’re ever in this NYC borough, worth a visit!

Cent'anni

We took a cooking class in Ravello, Italy last week (highly recommend it), and chef Chiara Agata made it a wonderful experience. Her family has been cooking on the Amalfi Coast for multiple generations!

As we found, Italians are known for hosting with profound warmth & generous abundance — intentionally choosing to enjoy leisure over a rushed meal. Rooted in the ancient Greco-Latin concept of welcoming the stranger, an invitation into an Italian home means you are treated like royalty.

There’s a toast she used before dining: "Cent'anni!" This translates directly to “100 years” — but the deeper meaning is a hundred years of health, love, and happiness.

What a simple & beautiful way to celebrate our guests. We are lucky to share a table with them.

Destination > Route

We are in Italy this week! A gorgeous country — we’re exploring the Mezzogiorno (land of the midday Sun).

We are spending time in the Eternal City (Rome), the Divine Coast (Amalfi), and the Heart of the South (Naples).

A recent quote made me reflect on the trip: “Decide the destination, not the route”. Trip plans are easily jumbled - but that’s okay; that’s part and parcel of a holiday. The winding route is a feature, not a bug (e.g., a cafe you stumble into, a funny interaction at a restaurant).

You know general places you want to end up; give up the idea that there is a “perfect” way to get there. As the Italians believe, the slow life (la vita lenta) is a welcome change of pace.

Exhale

Today is our first wedding anniversary! It’s amazing how much can happen in a year — I’m lucky to be married to Tanvi.

As I reflect on our first year of marriage, I think of the idea of exhale. The feeling when you come home to your partner; it’s one of immediate release, not tension.

Mel Robbins said it best: “It’s the safe, secure home base where your shoulders drop, you feel at peace, and you don't feel the need to hide your true self.”

Seeing them brings comfort, understanding, and acceptance.

And I can safely say, coming home to Tanvi feels like the easiest exhale of the day.