First Time Living

Happy Mother’s Day weekend! Many of us will be appreciating our moms. They bestow us an eternal gift of love, care, and sacrifice. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful for my Amma.

I was moved by a piece by Yemaya: Be kind to your parents; it’s their first time living too.

As much as we revere our parents, it’s easy to forget they are humans. Life is messy. Raising children is hard. No perfect playbook, instruction manual, or simple guide.

They are navigating this one wild and precious life — the same as us. As my Amma aptly says: Give grace and space.

Remembering that includes our parents, too.

Gentlemen

I watched Inside the Manosphere, a Netflix documentary by Louis Theroux, with shock and horror.

What is the Manosphere? It’s a male network of influencers that spews anti-feminist & misogynistic ideas about masculinity, dating, and gender relations.

These guys push a toxic “alpha male” world that is deeply reductive — that power must be wielded, women must be controlled, and decency must be destroyed. All to go back to the “traditional values” of men. What…?

The saddest part: the real damage is generational. Thousands of young boys are watching these influencers and absorbing a twisted worldview at their most vulnerable stage.

It made me reflect deeply. If men are considered “gentlemen”, what happened to gentle? This title for men has been used for hundreds of years, but it feels like we are losing our grip on what it truly means to act on it.

Gentle doesn’t mean soft; it means care, courtesy, integrity, and love. It’s earned character over a lifetime. Praying we can go back to the real essence of the word.

Born a Crime

I finished Trevor Noah’s memoir this week: Born A Crime. It’s been on my reading list for a long time, and I enjoyed it immensely.

Trevor Noah is a comedian, and he writes about growing up mixed-race in apartheid and post-apartheid South Africa, where his very existence was literally illegal.

He explores how poverty, violence, identity, and an extraordinary bond with his mother shaped him into the person he became.

It made me reflect on a few things:

1. Be curious about the past, not just the present. So much can be learned by taking the time to hear stories from our loved ones about their childhood — it can help us connect the dots about what made them who they are today.

2. Belonging is an eternal journey. Noah writes about being “colored”. He struggled to find his people in South Africa; few groups would accept him. Finding your people is a winding path. “I was everywhere with everybody, but at the same time, I was all by myself.”

3. Humor and faith can go far. Growing up, Trevor and his mother, Patricia, endured extremely difficult circumstances. From eating caterpillars to dodging gang violence, the only antidote to that was their attitude and belief. He recounts how his mom always brought levity and a prayer to the situation — and that carried them through every rough patch.

Highly recommend a read (or listen to the audiobook - narrated by Trevor Noah himself!)

Observe > Draw

I took an art class this week: Foundations of Face Drawing. We learned the steps of creating a realistic portrait.

It was both an interesting (and humbling!) experience to bring a likeness to life. A big takeaway from the class was that many can learn to draw, but few take the time to observe.

And when drawing faces, observation is the first step to getting better. Before the first stroke, it’s beneficial to understand spacing, shapes, and shadows. (Even squinting helps beginners like us understand the structure better!) And over a few hours, our portraits markedly improved.

There’s a lesson in there — noticing first and acting next may be a good path forward for many things in life.

Soft Fascination

There are days when it feels like you have too many “mental tabs” open. Your brain overheats from the overdrive.

I liked this concept from Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, about soft fascination.

It means doing simple, low-effort tasks — washing dishes, folding laundry, or gardening — so your mind can wander, connect ideas, and solve problems.

It’s a fascinating concept; the less we push, the more we gain. If we loosen our grip and surrender ourselves to a bit of mundanity, our subconscious takes over. And even the hairiest issues can be sorted.

P.S. That’s why I consider folding laundry my favorite chore :)

Queens Museum

Last week, I visited a hidden NYC gem: the Queens Museum. It showcases the visual arts and educational programming of NYC, especially the Queens community (the most diverse in the world!).

One fascinating installation was the Panorama of the City of New York. Built in 1965, it’s a massive, almost 10,000-square-foot model of the city.

100+ workers designed 895,000 buildings at a scale of 1inch per 100 feet. It took 3 years to painstakingly build — and my goodness, it’s magnificent. It even has moving airplanes every minute from the LaGuardia Airport!

When you think of NYC, it makes me think of the millions who immigrated from faraway countries to make America their home. One quote stood out at the museum: 

Becoming American has always been contested. It demands proof, strategy, and effort. And when you come here, arriving is not the same as belonging. Belonging is a process, not a guarantee.

Definitely a cool visit — take a look if you find yourself in Queens (US Open or Mets Game))

Image: Central Park on The Panorama of the City of New York, 2016. Photo: Max Touhey.

Observe ≠ Absorb

I saw a compelling post from Dr. Jaime Seeman about managing feelings.

Her thesis is how to shift from emotional reactivity → emotional regulation. It’s practicing how to observe emotions, rather than absorb them.

Reactivity occurs when we pull in negative energy (absorb) from our surroundings. When we soak everything in, any annoyance or frustration can spike the amygdala (emotional center) — sending us into overwhelm.

Ways to manage? Become a spectator to your feelings — it activates the prefrontal cortex (logical center). Name it to tame it. Then the intense triggers will be a lot easier to manage.

Generational Lessons

Living in NYC, you see plenty of wealth. Entering someone’s home, one can be instantly astonished. “How can they afford this?” Jealousy can niggle in, and your lizard brain rationalization begins…

“Must be nice to be born with a silver spoon in their mouth,” or “Must be nice to have the Bank of Mom & Dad.” Silly thoughts to help cope.

Yes, generational wealth is real - and sure, irritation is normal to feel if one ponders what’s fair between the “have” or “have-nots”. Sitting with this feeling, I have come to realize that generational wealth is way more than just a transfer of assets. It’s also generational lessons.

With that truth, I consider myself enormously lucky. My parents—my Amma & Papa—gave us (my brother Sameer and I) an overflowing bounty. From living responsibly and using money as a tool, to building skills (emotional/technical) and investing for the long term… the list goes on and on.

A powerful reminder that wealth can be passed down in many ways. And if you are fortunate to be given wisdom from a caring loved one, you are already rich.

XXXVI

I’m 36 today! Entering the next half of the decade — filled with as much gratitude as the first half.

36 symbolizes humanitarianism, creativity, completion, community, and wisdom. Pretty solid goals to actualize!

My reflections for the year:

• Mosaic. First birthday as a married man. Immensely lucky to have Tanvi as my life partner. Building our mosaic together feels special; a privilege of the highest order. Remembering two things: 1) Forgive fast. When one forgives, two are freed. 2) It doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

• Adaptable. In many ways, I can be brittle. My views tend to calcify on how things “should be”. But life is funky and throws many, many curveballs. A big growth area for me is mastering the art of flow — go with the current, not against it. I want to continue being agile and taking things as they come. Also, it’s my 2026 word of the year!

• Let Them. An ocean of swirl can drown me if I keep rationalizing people’s behavior. Practicing this concept from Mel Robbins has helped me pull away from anxious thinking and center myself. Sometimes, the best strategy isn’t explanation, it’s acceptance. The only one you can truly understand is yourself.

As always, my deepest appreciation to my community. Not a day goes by that I don't think of how lucky I am.

To another happy, healthy ride around the sun — for all of us! ☀️

Past years: 35, 34, 33, 32, 31, 30

Shiver

Validation tends to be found externally — a number you track, a compliment you receive, a title you earn.

It can also be confusing — you may get applause for things you, frankly… hate. That feeling of approval can be intoxicating.

How do you know you’re actually on the right path? As I get older, I come to realize it’s all inside; your subconscious speaks in sensations.

For me, it’s a full-body shiver. A tingly sensation that I know I’m on the right track (fun fact: also called a frisson or aesthetic chills).

A good reminder to notice how I am involuntarily reacting as I move through life. If my body is talking, am I listening?

Contact with the Ball

A goal can feel looming. It sits far in the future, a light that flickers faintly.

When an outcome looks distant, easy to get disheartened. You start to grumble to yourself: Why bother?

Author Ryan Holiday shared something that captured this nicely: “Make contact with the ball. Let the rest take care of itself.”

It reinforces a thesis that continues to inspire me: Effort drives progress. Yes, even if it’s infinitesimal. Bunts, not just home runs, can still score points.

So keep swinging… ⚾

Memory Making

I think a lot about community - how to build it, tend, and foster it. What keeps it vibrant and rich?

In this spirit, I’ve been reflecting more on memory making. Elevating a normal hang (dinner or drinks) to something that will stick in your mind for months to come (a creative outlet, a unique artistic venture)

Catching up is wonderful, but can that be attached to an experience? A place where you can enjoy both knowing about someone plus experience a novelty by being with them.

Yes, it takes a little more work & planning - but that extra effort really pays off. Hoping for more “Remember that time when we…?” in the future.

Return to Love

Happy Valentine’s Day! I was reflecting on what helps in long-term relationships.

One was the ability to return to love. With a deep connection, you experience the most vulnerable & raw sides of each other. The meltdowns, annoyances, and frustration — it all comes out. And when things boil over, it can erupt in anger from time to time.

The big test is what comes next. Sure, I can sulk and stew in my negative thoughts — but that prolongs the discomfort unnecessarily.

But if I can quickly reduce the time to come back to equilibrium — lower my ego, apologize genuinely, and change my behavior — the outcomes are so much better.

A good reminder that we are a team. And a strong team can bounce back against everything. ♥️

Raising the Bar

As we look at our growth, it’s easy to get frustrated. What have I even done?

In a short time frame, it’s hard to make out progress. Things feel stagnant — and it can feel weird knowing you aren’t making steps.

I’ve come to realize that’s a narrow view. And I’ve been reflecting on the idea of horizons.

The more we zoom out, the more we can see big, lasting changes. Widening the aperture means you can see true patterns. A month or year can’t tell you much…. but a decade? That can be illuminating.

Maybe you don’t realize how far you’ve come, because you keep raising the bar.

Aura

Last weekend, NYC was hit by a powerful winter storm that brought around 10in of snow. First time in a decade!

Naturally, a storm of this magnitude throws the city into chaos. Normal systems—roads, transportation, services—start to strain and crack. It’s not easy, especially with ~8 million people trying to keep a normal life.

A first major test for the recently elected NYC mayor, Zohran Mamdani. And my goodness—over the past week, I’ve been struck by how well he and his team have handled it.

Clear, sharp communication. All delivered through digestible videos. He’s been everywhere—from shoveling snow in each borough to even The Tonight Show. All in an effort to show up for NYC residents.

Incredible to watch him work: an amazing blend of magnetism, poise, kindness, and charm. Plus, a bonus: huge admiration for him being South Asian and younger (only 34!)—crazy to think he’s a peer in small ways.

A leader with a true aura. Lucky to have him as our mayor!

Course Correction

The first month of 2026 is coming to a close next week! How are you feeling? How are your goals?

This generally caused me stress. Grand plans start showing cracks. And once I start slipping, it’s hard to get it back. Most aspirations fall by the wayside by spring…

Ouch. Quite demoralizing. That’s why I liked this thinking from author Kevin John Delaney.

Commercial airplanes offer a helpful reminder. After a plane takes off, it's slightly off course for much of the journey. What matters isn’t flawless precision—it’s the constant course corrections made along the way. Small adjustments. Repeated often. That’s how a plane arrives where it intends to go. What small correction would bring me closer to the life I want to be living right now?

Recalibration > Reinvention. A reminder to move away from sweeping resolutions towards better systems. And tweak those systems periodically — and soon you’ll arrive!

Noguchi Museum

A few weeks ago, I visited the Noguchi Museum, featuring the works of Isamu Noguchi.

He was an artist renowned for fusing modernism with traditional Japanese aesthetics in sculpture, landscapes, furniture, and lighting.

He also designed public pieces worldwide — from playgrounds and plazas to gardens and fountains.

Noguchi incorporated a wide range of materials — from stainless steel and marble to cast iron and balsa wood. He explored themes of transformation, mortality, vulnerability, weightlessness, erosion, and humanity’s coexistence with nature.

Artists continue to capture my imagination — especially sculptors. Molding beauty from elements in three dimensions? Awe-inspiring.

One of his reflections on why museums matter resonated with me:

“A museum is a repository against time. Fragile objects need protection, but even without this need, there is a semblance of eternity, a sense of permanence that is implied by a museum, and a removal from time’s passage.”

Recommend a visit if you’re in Queens; it’ll be a serene & gratifying visit!

Passenger Mode

When we go through difficult times, a natural impulse seems to be “solve”. Fix it and move on…

But some situations are truly beyond us — and any sort of solution falls short. I read something that resonated with me: Passenger Mode.

Switch into passenger mode when things are beyond your control. Your role is to go with the flow—not to diminish the situation, but to help you endure it. Be patient with yourself and take things one moment at a time.

It’s okay not to be the driver. Sometimes the steering wheel is no longer yours to hold. Just try your best to navigate gently. Let the road take its course — one mile at a time.

Real Success

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2026 — a fresh start, a blank slate, a new chapter!

As planning commences, I think about what a great year will be. Good time to review our systems and habits to drive progress.

It’s an inward-looking process of “what can I do?” Yet I saw a post by author Jay Yang that made me reconsider what’s important.

“Real success is how many people thank you for theirs.”

Beautiful insight. Yes, keep climbing your tree of growth, but don’t forget to reach back and give your hand. Lifting others is the real success.

What will you do for yourself and others in 2026?

Glimmers

Merry Christmas! I trust that many of you are enjoying one of life’s biggest blessings: a cozy house filled with loved ones.

As I think about gratitude this holiday season, I am reminded of the idea of glimmers.

Glimmers are tiny, everyday moments of joy, peace, or connection. A cup of chai in the morning, or a warm fire in the evening. The happy glee of a child, or the sound of relaxing music.

When you feel a positive shiver down your spine, it’s a good sign — our body is at rest. You are living in a good memory! Happy holidays to you and yours.