Don't rattle the handle

At some point in our lives, we have to walk away from pieces of our lives—a tough job, a toxic relationship, or something else.

It may have been wonderful for a while, but eventually you know it’s hurting more than helping. So you close that door and try to move on.

But every so often… you look over your shoulder and wonder, “Hmm… what could have been?”

Extremely tempting to go back to the door and rattle the handle. Testing out if it still makes sense in your life. Weirdly enough, there’s comfort in what’s been — a known devil vs. the complete unknown.

Take a breath. Gather yourself. And try to look forward. Trust you made the best decision to remember yourself. Many more doors lie ahead.

Inch of Movement

I write a lot about systems & habits, because I truly feel we can orchestrate our environment to move us forward.

Rather than relying on willpower — a mercurial force that’s hard to stay consistent with — we can create automation to propel us.

But let’s be honest, we’re human. And despite every best intention & effort, every habit and system will hit a roadblock. I just can’t today…

I saw this quotation that I liked: An inch of movement is better than a mile of intentions.

I like this because it reframes progress as extremely achievable.

• Missed your 5-mile run? It’s okay, just take the stairs instead of the escalator today.

• Didn’t eat healthy this week? It’s okay, just swap out one cookie for a protein shake today.

• Worried about a presentation soon? It’s okay, just create a new document and write your name on it today.

It reduces the compounding pressure to be perfect. Sustainability beats optimization. When you fall off the horse, don’t jump back on yet.

Brush yourself off, take a breath, and walk one step forward.

The Throwaway Theory

The first thing we create will always be messy. But we hold ourselves to extremely high standards, so we're not okay with this. Tough pill to swallow.

That means heavy paralysis to start. Why even try? And then we convince ourselves it’s not worth it.

I saw this post that I liked: The Throwaway Theory. Essentially, lower the stakes. Assume the first thing you make, you’re going to ball it up and toss it in the trash. It will be ugly. That’s not only okay, but actually intentional.

But it immediately lowers the pressure for perfection. It gives psychological safety and graceful permission to iterate. You can be expansive and creative — without the baggage of self-judgment.

Is there something you can start soon with the intention that you can just chuck it?

Anicca

The Devis and I are in Montana & Oregon this week — Glacier National Park and the PNW Evergreen Coast. Spending time with the serene forests and babbling brooks is truly restorative.

As I’ve been surrounded by all this green & blue, it made me reflect on a word I heard recently: Annica.

It’s a Buddhist concept of impermanence —where nothing in the physical or mental world is fixed or unchanging.

Very difficult to see in years or decades, but if we zoom out far enough, everything we’re witnessing on this trip is fleeting and changing.

Majestic McDonald Lake? It was created by massive sheets of moving ice that flattened the landscape during the last ice age.

The Alpine glaciers? Forever retreating rapidly due to climate change — from ~150 in 1850 to 25 today.

It made me extra appreciative to just sit back, soak it all in, and enjoy the big awe. ⛰️

Mental Calluses

Our mind & body are forever connected. If one starts to falter, the whole thing breaks down.

As I get older, I’m fascinated by how much our mind can lead our body to great heights. The right attitude combined with the right system? A force multiplier.

But to foster the mind, I’m realizing it takes similar intention too. When you lift, your hands start to develop calluses that thicken to keep your hands strong. It can apply to the mind too.

How? If we can expose ourselves to small discomfort (e.g., long-form reads, deeper conversations, even boredom), we can slowly improve the resilience of our mind.

Exercise for the brain is as important as exercise for the body! 🧠

Storms & Sun

We’ve had beautiful weather last 2 days in NYC. Low 80s, comfortable dew point, easy breeze with sunny skies.

Good weather can truly be a balm for the soul. Extra appreciated after we had a bout of smoke-filled evenings and intense rain.

Weather fascinates me because it’s fleeting. It always changes. A beautiful day will eventually finish. A horrible day will pass too.

It made me think of life. If there is a storm in your life, just hang on — the weather will change.

If things are sunny — savor it. Enjoy it fully with ten toes down. Because it won’t last either too. ⛈️ ☀️

Forget your scarf

I was reflecting on quality time — restorative moments we spend that fill our cup up.

As our lives evolve, this time gets harder to access. More scheduled, time-blocked — with clear start & stops. 30 min coffee. 2 hour dinners. It’s done when convenient and cancellable on a whim.

Poet Mikko Harvey had a memorable stanza: “The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.”

It resonated. Some of the most tender moments are unstructured & messy. It’s nice to leave room in our life for that.

Music to Feel

I went to hear the New York Philharmonic a few weeks ago — at the beautiful David Geffen Hall at Lincoln Center.

I have always been in awe hearing a full orchestra — since my early days learning the violin in middle school. The swell of a hundred instruments coming together in melody? A transcendent experience.

The new Artistic Director Gustavo Dudamel says it best: “We hear music, but most importantly, we feel it. Music is more than entertainment; it’s a space where people can come together for beauty, consolation, celebration and connection.”

Well said. As the march towards synthetic (AI/devices) feels all-consuming, it feels wonderful to experience something quintessentially analog: a simple afternoon with amazing music.

America 250

It’s July 4! And happy 250 to America.

It’s amazing that in relative terms, a quarter of a millennium isn’t that long in the arc of history — but so much had to happen to get this country to this point.

Born here as a 1st generation, it’s been an interesting to see the US evolve as I’ve grown up.Yes, many broken things to fix— but we are lucky to have opportunity & freedom that isn’t always available or accessible in places.

Happy semiquincentennial (yes, a real word!) to my country! I feel hopeful that our generation and the ones to follow will lift our nation to higher heights. 🇺🇸

Costless but Priceless

Today is a special day — two big events! Tanvi is graduating with a fellowship in pediatric hospital medicine (PHM), and it’s also my Amma’s birthday.

Two wonderful people. And one of the amazing values both share is kindness.

Being nice? That’s easy. You can do it once and call it a day. It can also be faked and used in nefarious ways.

Being kind? That’s hard. It takes a lifetime of consistency, care, and sacrifice. An intentional value that’s a lifetime commitment.

Warren Buffett had a memorable quote: "Kindness is costless, but priceless." It doesn’t cost you dearly to be kind, but the second-order effects are immeasurable. It’s a beautiful ripple that uplifts anyone it touches.

All the love and wishes to two very kind people in my life! 💌

Snug Harbor

I went to visit Staten Island a few weeks ago — and I visited a place called “Snug Harbor”.

Located on the North Shore of Staten Island, Snug Harbor is an 83-acre urban oasis & historical landmark. It boasts Greek Revival, Beaux-Arts, and Victorian architecture with art galleries, museums, and beautiful grounds.

But where did the name “snug” come from? I assumed it was named after a person or memory. Actually, it’s much simpler & straightforward.

Snug Harbor was originally founded in the 19th century as a retirement home for aged mariners. In 1833, Captain Robert Richard Randall wanted to establish a retreat for retired sailors. After a lifetime battling the open ocean, he wanted a place for them to come home.

The name was literally that: a final peaceful & cozy refuge where they could finally rest. It had a working farm, dairy, bakery, hospital, power plant, and even a chapel and theater.

If you’re ever in this NYC borough, worth a visit!

Cent'anni

We took a cooking class in Ravello, Italy last week (highly recommend it), and chef Chiara Agata made it a wonderful experience. Her family has been cooking on the Amalfi Coast for multiple generations!

As we found, Italians are known for hosting with profound warmth & generous abundance — intentionally choosing to enjoy leisure over a rushed meal. Rooted in the ancient Greco-Latin concept of welcoming the stranger, an invitation into an Italian home means you are treated like royalty.

There’s a toast she used before dining: "Cent'anni!" This translates directly to “100 years” — but the deeper meaning is a hundred years of health, love, and happiness.

What a simple & beautiful way to celebrate our guests. We are lucky to share a table with them.

Destination > Route

We are in Italy this week! A gorgeous country — we’re exploring the Mezzogiorno (land of the midday Sun).

We are spending time in the Eternal City (Rome), the Divine Coast (Amalfi), and the Heart of the South (Naples).

A recent quote made me reflect on the trip: “Decide the destination, not the route”. Trip plans are easily jumbled - but that’s okay; that’s part and parcel of a holiday. The winding route is a feature, not a bug (e.g., a cafe you stumble into, a funny interaction at a restaurant).

You know general places you want to end up; give up the idea that there is a “perfect” way to get there. As the Italians believe, the slow life (la vita lenta) is a welcome change of pace.

Exhale

Today is our first wedding anniversary! It’s amazing how much can happen in a year — I’m lucky to be married to Tanvi.

As I reflect on our first year of marriage, I think of the idea of exhale. The feeling when you come home to your partner; it’s one of immediate release, not tension.

Mel Robbins said it best: “It’s the safe, secure home base where your shoulders drop, you feel at peace, and you don't feel the need to hide your true self.”

Seeing them brings comfort, understanding, and acceptance.

And I can safely say, coming home to Tanvi feels like the easiest exhale of the day.

Life In Tune

It’s graduation season! That means a cornucopia of commencement addresses…

My brother Sameer showed me one that blew me away: Eric Church, a country singer-songwriter, at UNC Chapel Hill. Absolutely fantastic — it’s worth a full watch.

With his guitar, Church alludes to six strings as a metaphor for life's core pillars — faith, family, partnership, ambition & resilience, community, and individuality.

His message: When your strings are tuned? Your life song is full, resonant, and true. When they are not? The life song will drift into noise.

Some wonderful pieces from the speech —

1. Faith - E String | “The core of your instrument. The people who tend to their faith in ordinary seasons do not come undone in extraordinary ones. Tend to your faith not when you’re broken, but when you’re whole.”

2. Family - A String | “This is where the music gets warm; this string gives its body & richness. Your family has loved you longer than you’ve been easy to love. Call your people; this is not a ‘holiday’ string, this is an everyday string. Protect it ”

3. Partnership - D String | “The heart of the chord and center of your instrument; your partner, just like this string, sits between the highs and lows. Choose wisely; they will amplify your sound or make it an out-of-tune mess. Find your best friend; choose them wisely and love them fiercely.”

4. Ambition & Resilience - G String | “This string drifts easily; it’s your ambition & resilience at odds. Want things; say it out loud; build towards it, and fail a lot. The world breaks everyone; the best get stronger at the broken places. Get back up, tune the string, and keep playing.”

5. Community - B String | “Plant yourself somewhere; put down roots and learn the actual names, not the usernames, of the people around you. Be embedded locally, even if the Internet will never see it. Generosity is something you do after you make it; it’s how you make it.”

6. Individuality - E String | “Highest note; carries the melody, but it’s also the most bent by outside pressure. Social media will show you a thousand versions of a life better than yours. Someone will tell you how to live your life; don’t let them tell touch your string. ”

Gorgeously written & spoken. Can you tell I’m a sucker for great words?

As Church says, we have a wonderfully unique and distinct sound; it has never existed before and will never exist again.

The world doesn’t need another cover song; it needs your original. Go make your music. 🎵

Sit Inside Time

One of the ideas I’m fascinated with is time. The one true precious resource — finite for everyone. And how we spend it is really the only thing that matters in the end.

As I’ve gotten older, it’s a marvel to witness how time can rush by. And I’m already guilty of being lost in nostalgia and prospection — ruminating the past or anticipating the future.

A big growth area for me is changing my relationship with time — how do I enjoy the best version of now? The goal is to sit inside time. Even if it’s boring, mundane, or hard to do.

A part of this journey is the return to analog: using a physical calendar (shout out to my sister-in-law Rachita for making this!), writing in my journal with a pen, or eating meals without a device.

How are you sitting inside your time?

First Time Living

Happy Mother’s Day weekend! Many of us will be appreciating our moms. They bestow us an eternal gift of love, care, and sacrifice. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful for my Amma.

I was moved by a piece by Yemaya: Be kind to your parents; it’s their first time living too.

As much as we revere our parents, it’s easy to forget they are humans. Life is messy. Raising children is hard. No perfect playbook, instruction manual, or simple guide.

They are navigating this one wild and precious life — the same as us. As my Amma aptly says: Give grace and space.

Remembering that includes our parents, too.

Gentlemen

I watched Inside the Manosphere, a Netflix documentary by Louis Theroux, with shock and horror.

What is the Manosphere? It’s a male network of influencers that spews anti-feminist & misogynistic ideas about masculinity, dating, and gender relations.

These guys push a toxic “alpha male” world that is deeply reductive — that power must be wielded, women must be controlled, and decency must be destroyed. All to go back to the “traditional values” of men. What…?

The saddest part: the real damage is generational. Thousands of young boys are watching these influencers and absorbing a twisted worldview at their most vulnerable stage.

It made me reflect deeply. If men are considered “gentlemen”, what happened to gentle? This title for men has been used for hundreds of years, but it feels like we are losing our grip on what it truly means to act on it.

Gentle doesn’t mean soft; it means care, courtesy, integrity, and love. It’s earned character over a lifetime. Praying we can go back to the real essence of the word.

Born a Crime

I finished Trevor Noah’s memoir this week: Born A Crime. It’s been on my reading list for a long time, and I enjoyed it immensely.

Trevor Noah is a comedian, and he writes about growing up mixed-race in apartheid and post-apartheid South Africa, where his very existence was literally illegal.

He explores how poverty, violence, identity, and an extraordinary bond with his mother shaped him into the person he became.

It made me reflect on a few things:

1. Be curious about the past, not just the present. So much can be learned by taking the time to hear stories from our loved ones about their childhood — it can help us connect the dots about what made them who they are today.

2. Belonging is an eternal journey. Noah writes about being “colored”. He struggled to find his people in South Africa; few groups would accept him. Finding your people is a winding path. “I was everywhere with everybody, but at the same time, I was all by myself.”

3. Humor and faith can go far. Growing up, Trevor and his mother, Patricia, endured extremely difficult circumstances. From eating caterpillars to dodging gang violence, the only antidote to that was their attitude and belief. He recounts how his mom always brought levity and a prayer to the situation — and that carried them through every rough patch.

Highly recommend a read (or listen to the audiobook - narrated by Trevor Noah himself!)

Observe > Draw

I took an art class this week: Foundations of Face Drawing. We learned the steps of creating a realistic portrait.

It was both an interesting (and humbling!) experience to bring a likeness to life. A big takeaway from the class was that many can learn to draw, but few take the time to observe.

And when drawing faces, observation is the first step to getting better. Before the first stroke, it’s beneficial to understand spacing, shapes, and shadows. (Even squinting helps beginners like us understand the structure better!) And over a few hours, our portraits markedly improved.

There’s a lesson in there — noticing first and acting next may be a good path forward for many things in life.