Thinking Out Loud
Life: It’s messy, right? Things rarely go as planned. Perfectly good situations (in your mind, at least) turn out to be imperfectly bad.
‘Bad’ is an association though. An attitude you gave a situation as ‘fact’, when it could have easily been just your own ‘opinion’.
But since everything happens for a reason, something bigger is at play, right? What’s it telling you?
There is a story there, and we can find it.
As I think about what I have to give, the answer I come to a lot is my time.
We all have the same amount, but can I leverage it better? Can I open it more to those who need it?
Likely, yes. This week, it definitely made me realize it’s one of the best gifts we can offer.
“You matter. And I’m here to spend it with you.”
Many of live in cities. And some of the shine has worn off a little: it feels packed, expensive, maybe even dirty.
But at their best? They are social, convenient and clean. But the only way forward for change that I feel I can make a dent is by voting. Every year, no excuse.
Reminding myself that I have a lot to be grateful for my city. And I need to support it with the mechanisms I have to keep it at it’s best.
Our days are filled to the brim. For whatever fills it, have you checked that (some of) it is fun?
I hope so. Because fun can’t be faked. You know in your heart when you’re excited to do something, and dread it when it’s not.
I’ve been trying to add a little fun on things I suck at. Like lighting a candle and playing music when I’m in the kitchen, or eating a chocolate after a workout.
Reminder to myself to keep thinking of ways to spark a little ‘cheer’ whatever I do.
You know you’ve checked out. Cue the nodding, the ‘uh-huhs’, and repeating their last word.
Been there so many times. One of the worst areas that I struggle with… because my eyes tell all, glossy and wandering.
How do I reverse this? Experiments with rehashing what they said, summarizing ‘here’s what I heard”, and finding a personal thing to relate too.
And then I find their eyes might light up too.
There’s a great question my brother asks in his podcast: what’s a $5 purchase that has changed your life for the better?
For me, it would be my laundry basket…that has wheels. Since I have to do laundry in my building, I can’t tell you how happy I am to use that versus carrying my laundry down.
It’s a bit sheepish but man, crazy how a small, simple thing can make a world of difference!
I was lucky this week to see Hamilton for the 2nd time. I wasn’t a fan of it the 1st time, but the 2nd time, a part really stuck with me.
Near the end, Aaron Burr reflects on his relationship with Alexander Hamilton. Throughout his life, he voraciously disagreed with Hamilton. It led to their infamous duel - that led to the sad end to his former friend.
He laments in the song:
I should've known
I should’ve known the world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me.
A chilling, sad thought from two men who respected each other - until the very end.
It made me think: we need people who disagree with us. We need discourse from both ends of the room. It pushes our collective thinking even more than we can imagine.
This world is big enough for all of that.
I discovered a comic a while back that has always stuck with me.
We tend to apologize a lot. For our feelings, interruptions, behaviors… honestly, everything in between. It almost starts the conversation at a low-place.
But many times, I realize a lot of people want to be there for you. They want to connect, to console, to commiserate when you are your low. So why not start from a place of ‘thanks’?
I’ve started to try this out too, and I definitely felt a small change. Gratefulness spreads light…for both people.
And for that, you have nothing to apologize for!
I am a big fan of Explained, a documentary series from Netflix. A particular one that struck me was the episode on ‘Designer DNA’.
The crux of the episode focused on CRISPR, a gene editing technology, that could lead to a ton of great breakthroughs: like ending single-gene diseases… but also, a slew of morally shaky areas: like choosing if you have freckles, height…maybe even intelligence.
It made me really reflect: what would the world be like?
A world with no chance, but all choice. A world where millions could be free of suffering, but millions more could be pushed deeper into prejudice.
Fascinating, yet frightening at the same time. 🧬
There are so many helpers in my life. Particularly those who work immensely hard to give me back the gift of time. And I am particularly grateful for this privilege I have.
So how can I show my thanks in a small, but meaningful way? A Twitter thread inspired me.
Every so often, I give them a Starbucks card. Just a small token to say how much they mean to me. Because it means more than I can ever say.
We all have circles in our life.
Who are in those circles? People you like? That look like you? That think like you?
If you’re like me, probably yes. But what about others on the fringe, the edge of that circle who might be as caring and lovely too. Am I making room for them?
I’ve heard a lot more recently about allyship. The idea that there’s enough space for all of us if we choose to open our circles and enter other circles. Freely and openly.
Because there’s room.
When something happens to us, we usually tell ourselves to start again. Which is sometimes the hardest to do.
But we also add “…from scratch.” But usually, that’s never the case. You’re already farther along than you think. You’ve learned a lot already. You know why each bruise and cut or bump happened.
In fact, you are starting from experience. And that’s a great place to be.
When you meet someone, perhaps at work, did the interaction feel full? Feel warm? Feel complete?
People don’t remember the words, but they’ll remember the feeling.
A good adage I heard was to come in thoughtfully, treat them wonderfully, but leave without lingering.
Enough to enjoy the moment for what it is. And more moments to come.
Anything worth doing begins with starting. That means planting the first seed.
And with anything good in life, it takes time. We need to nurture the seed daily for it to grow tall and bear fruit.
But is this the fruit we want? Is this someone’s else fruit? Is this what everyone is growing?
A reminder to myself to focus purely on the fruit I like. That means the journey will be worth every step.
In any message or communication, it’s not about you. It’s about them. Your audience.
And their attention is yours for only reason: what’s in it for you?
I read a great acronym for a presentation to remember this: WIIFY. A reminder that your content is only as good as your audience feeling its relevant to them.
Some ways to always check:
“This is important to you because…”
“What does this mean to you?”
“Why am I telling you this”?
“Who cares? You share care because..
“So what”? Here’s what…
“And?” Here’s why…
A WIIFY knows all too well =)
Take, take, take. It’s easy to be an indulgent consumer in everything.
But what are you giving? What are you building for the world? What are you sending back out there?
Something I’ve been thinking about this week. How I’m drawn to and inspired by makers. Those are dive head-first into a world unknown: leaving a dent and making a mark.
I am working on being a better ‘maker’!
I read a great tweet from my friend, Faheem.
The digital age has contributed meaningfully to increase in anxiety. Digital nutrition is a real thing. Follow good people, prevent empty calories. Improve the quality of info you consume, reduce the junk & and you’ll feel the difference.
The idea we need to care about what we consume in digital food, as it’s having a material impact on our well-being.
Great concept - we spend so much time keeping our spiritual, physical, and mental health at peak conditions. But a huge component is where we spend our attention & time. And for most of us, that’s on digital products.
I have been trying to do a few things: 1) mute content that exacerbates a negative reaction (anxiety, FOMO, etc.), and 2) trying to read high-quality journalism and longer form content.
Hopefully, those inputs start to create a long-term, sustainable plan for self-care and more. Thanks for the though, Faheem!
It’s a phrase that really upends an organization. A definite ‘no’ to a “what could be”.
Something I think starts to get engrained in a culture that stops questioning and asking if we need to redefine the current way we think about things. Hoping to catch ourselves when this feeling starts to creep up.
Because what got us here wont get us there.
The good life. In Italy, that means simple things: good vino, a strong caffé, chatting with the famiglia and amici, and maybe even a gelato here and there.
Not a bad way to look at it :)
I'm traveling through Europe this month. And what a lovely delight to hear languages from all around the world.
It flows in the trains, the streets, the restaurants and everything in between.
Even though they are from far off parts of the world, everyone connects and enjoys their holiday. You feel like a part of something greater. Something special!