Let me hold the door for you.

Anguish, anger, pain and exasperation.

It has boiled over in this past month in the US, but sadly, it has been a stain on us for many generations: we have massively failed the Black community.

It’s made me reflect on my privilege and silence. I have said little or averted my gaze when it counted.

I realized this week it starts directly with my inner circle: Too many jokes and whispers that had ‘soft echoes of discrimination’.

It made me internalize this poem that was shared with me by Morgan Harper Nichols:

Let me hold the door for you. 

I may have never walked a mile in your shoes, but I can see that your soles are worn and your strength is torn under the weight of a story I have never lived before. 

So let me hold the door for you. 

After all you've walked through, it's the least I can do

A call to myself to commit to this journey for the long-term, especially as the world keeps turning. Don’t look past it, don’t abandon it.

Less bystanding, more upstanding.

Being loving vs. being right.

That knot starting to tighten. The grip starts to clench. The lines in your face narrow.

I know that feeling too well: you’re ready to go to war with your partner, friend, parent or maybe your child in a heated discussion. Of course they’re wrong — they clearly don’t know all the details as you do!

But…but…but: is it really worth finishing the fight? With the ones we love, usually not. And sheepishly you realize this days later.

My challenge to myself: learning to calm the ‘lizard brain’ of reaction before conflict bubbles to a boil. The love is what remains.

Hoping to remember to being excellent when it’s easy not to.

Making the ordinary come alive.

I saw a beautiful poem: Do not ask your children to strive — by William Martin.

He writes how to teach children to take immense joy in simple pleasures. Invite them into wonder and let them marvel in supremely simple things.

Three decades on this beautiful marble (and even more apparent from the virus), this has been a soothing reminder that ordinary is really lovely.

A belly of laughter from a good chat, the salty finish of a good cookie, and the warmth from a sunny balcony.

Anything beyond? Lovely cream on a satisfying cake of life. The ‘extraordinary’.

Full text of the poem below:

“Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.”

— William Martin

Connected by love or blood

One of the greatest gifts we are bestowed is our family. And I am one of the lucky ones.

Parents who are now friends. A brother and sister-in-law who are soothsayers. Grandparents that can counsel but joke in the same breath. And a whole bunch of aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces and more to fill my cup of happiness.

As I get older, I realize the world isn't so clean and many have lost or never had a ‘blood’ relationship with some (or all) of their family.

But blood is such a tiny slice of the pie. The pie is rather large if you include those whom you love and love you back. And you can feel connected with them as much as your closest family member.

TGIF? TGFF. Thank God for Family*

*However you define it!

Together with TikTok

Okay, I’ll fully admit it: I am fascinated with TikTok. It has completely raptured me — especially in this brave new world we’re in today.

But why has it became such a force of nature?

For me, it’s a combination of three things: addictive design, bursting creative tools, and (perhaps most important) an inviting community.

• Addictive design: TikTok immediately throws you into the product. No sign-in, account, onboarding. Rather than YouTube, it serves concentrated dose of 60 seconds with every flick of your finger that are vertical and fit with your screen. It immediately gives value without asking anything in return. Remember when you supposed to go to bed hours ago? Woops.

• Creative tools: After a week, you get inspired to just throw something at the wall and see what sticks. The creative barrier of entry is intentionally set very low. You can lip sync with a trending song, change your environment with a ‘Green Screen’ effect, or add an AR effect with glasses. You really can explode your ideas into every which way.

• Inviting community: We want to belong somewhere. Especially now — after life has turned virtual from this virus. But TikTok prides itself on its inviting, zany community. No need to polish, prune, or filter — unleash your authentic self into its atmosphere. And many people will engage and jump in with you. (Literally, with a ‘duet’!)

With the world far apart, we can still feel together. And TikTok gets huge credit for doing a bang up job.

Lanes of creation

Always been inspired by creators. Those who risk, push, expand their world — all by adding freshness and novelty through their work.

The crazy thing I am realizing: it’s not exclusive to one realm.

Many of those who I admire flex beyond their comfort zone — in areas and lanes that seem so far apart.

But funny enough, that’s the beauty of creativity. It can flow wherever you apply it - it just needs room to breathe. And then practice to take it from good to great.

A reminder to myself: open up my horizons to all creative journeys. It might make the drive even more enjoyable!

The Great Pause and Vessels

Our world has profoundly changed from this virus. Very easy to succumb to alarm, fear, worry and more. The new Great Depression.

But we have been given a gift: a Great Pause.

When the world is now at a ‘red-light’, what can you do with this time? What’s been thrown to the back burner for too long? A page-turner you left behind, that guitar that’s been getting dust, or even a relationship that’s been growing apart.

Despite the worst, our vessels are generally intact. So how are you planning to fill it?

Hard on the problem, not the person.

A great article that was shared with me left me thinking this week: "You’re hard on the problem and respectful of the people”

From any challenge or issue, either personal or professional - sometimes all energy gets misplaced on the wrong area: the people side. People will royally screw up, and that’s the fact of life. In fact, it’s very human of us.

But if we spend all the energy at the problem: what is is, why is it, how is it - with merciless precision, it becomes a ‘us’ versus that — versus “you” versus me”.

Treat people with utmost grace and patience. And then both of you can work together on making a problem part of your distant past.

No shenanigans and relationships.

Fred Wilson shared one of Twilio’s values in his fantastic blog: No shenanigans.

The idea that thoughtfulness and care comes from honesty and directness: what you say and do is what you get. It really resonated with me — especially even outside a work context.

Trust is built when you can match your actions and intentions, when your agenda is open and clear with as little as surprises. You can feel so connected when you know you’re getting the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

So a call to myself: strive for less antics, less mischief. It’ll be worth it!

Did you intend to?

I’ve been subscribing to ‘5 Ally Actions’ - a weekly newsletter to expand out thinking on how we can all elevate our actions to improve diversity & belonging. (Wonderful newsletter - highly recommend subscribing!)

From these emails, a recurring theme that’s been playing in my mind: separating your ‘intent’ from ‘impact’.

Many of us mean well. We really do. We don’t ever intend to make someone feel small, far away, or diminished. But through layers of privilege, aloofness, ignorance — we sometimes add ‘hurt’ to people we work with, live with or love. That ‘impact’ is still very much felt for the party.

So rather than ‘excuse’ or ‘explain’ away your behavior, I’ve been attracted to the idea of ‘surrender’ and ‘acceptance’. Express your apology and regret with a full heart - and push yourself to not make the same mistake twice.

So the impact is actually left with ‘goodness’ - even if intended it to be that all along.

Full body 'yes'

What’s your decision? Yes or No?

Too often, I’ve felt in the middle. Easy to not commit when the consequences are stark or the answers are murky, And you can be lulled into the safe comfort of ‘grey’ answers.

But I heard something this year that resonated: Is it a ‘full body 'yes?

Is it a visceral, in-the-gut kind of feeling? Because that’s hard to fake, or misinterpret. It takes a full listen too - cutting out the din and noise of any inputs.

So when you feel it, you know.

Oceans and drops.

I’ve been anxious and worried this week about our evolving crisis against COVID-19. When will this end? How long will this go? Will we be okay?

Thankfully, I read a lovely post this week on Seth Godin’s blog: the ocean is made of drops.

It was a soothing reminder: We are not alone. We are one. And we must find the others and act together. Your community and tribe matter more than ever. Reminding myself to lean on them, and let them lean on me.

Our wave is coming.

“The dry seasons do not last. The spring rains will come.”

XXX

What a wonderful, humbling ride it’s been.

Grateful for so much. Family who loves, friends who hold, work that inspires, a home that comforts, food that nourishes.

Given the tough year with this virus, will be praying for our world to stand tall and recover. Let’s watch over each other.

Steph Curry and Culture Add.

This week, I’ve been exploring a few courses on building great, durable teams.

Two concepts that spoke to me on DIBs (Diversity, Inclusion, Belonging).

One, the idea of why great teams need to be diverse. Imagine Steph Curry: all-star guard with incredible handles and the smoothest stroke. He could (and has) won championships based on his talent. But would you want 5 Steph Curry’s on your team? Likely not. You need a lockdown center, big forwards and another shifty point. The diversity of skills make the team.

Two, when you’re getting that championship team, they don’t have to always have a ‘culture fit’. Then you’ll look at the room and see pure reflections of yourself (more or less). Rather, look for culture add. Someone who doesn’t think or look like you but will invariably raise the bar.

So when hiring: think differently, hire differently. It’s a rising tide that will raise all ships!

Linear paths and washing machines

I heard a humbling story about grief this past weekend.

In a podcast, Emma Tait recounts the story of loss: losing her love, losing her brother to suicide, and losing herself all in a few months.

And she struck a chord: the idea that grief is never linear. It’s not a line graph that goes up and to the right. In fact, you’ll feel much like a washing machine. Tossed and turned and spun, there will be weeks of good days sandwiched with a terrible day.

Most of us, this process will feel rough. You’ll tell yourself: it’s not working. I’m not healing.

But Emma gave some comforting words: You don’t get to see the path, you only get to feel the path. And whatever you’re feeling is natural. Remember: You are doing everything. You just aren’t trusting you are doing everything.

So, take heart. You are on your way. Everything will be better in the end. If it’s not better? It’s not the end.

Dullest ink

I heard a really great phrase this week:

The dullest ink is better than the sharpest memory.

I sincerely believe in this. There’s so much to remember. to-dos, birthdays, reminders, moments. And our poor brain can only keep so much in there. And it’s prone to forget easily as well.

That’s why for almost a decade plus, I’ve sworn by my (digital) brain to help keep it all together. And the amount of peace it brings me knowing it’s all there.

So my Friday tip: write it down. You won’t forget!

Speaking softly and sticks

Less screaming. More softly.

Less yelling. More listening.

Less reactions. More understanding.

Buf if your voice needs to be heard, don’t shrink. Carry your big stick.

Daydream and down time

There are always moments in the day where you have a breath. Maybe you’re waiting, or commuting, or resting.

That brief period - what do you do? I know what I do. That sensation you get to pick up your phone and look. There’s always something to catch up on, right?

That seems to have a grating effect on my life. Loss of thoughts. Loss of wonder.

In an effort to dream, I’m just trying to take that time back to myself. And it starts with looking out than looking down.

Five and favors.

When someone reaches out for help, that’s an act of strength. Never easy to admit: "Hey, I haven’t figured all this out. Can you be there?”

But I realize, our first instinct is usually to estimate. How much time will this take? What do I have going on? What work will be needed?

I realize now that so much can happen in ‘five’. Five minutes to do a quick connect, review, text of encouragement. But that ‘five’ can be a massive multiplier to a person in need.

Take 5. You never know how much it’ll mean to someone.

The first cup of coffee

We lost my beloved Ajji this weekend.

And after 60 years, my grandpa had his first cup of coffee by himself.

Decades of busy mornings, relaxed mornings, ecstatic mornings. But now, a quiet morning.

It fills me with so much emotion:. A shared life and love over a generation. And now, a somber new beginning.

Ajji: you brought so much light to my grandpa. And to me. I’m sorry the last few years were so hard. I will miss walking with you, giggling with you, praying with you, and being with you.

I hope your first cup is heavenly too.