Community and Crews

This weekend, I am headed for a reunion for a dance crew, Punjabbawockeez. It’s a group I joined a decade ago.

The crazy thing is: there are deep connections between members almost a generation apart. Authentic camaraderie and care that is hard to fake.

My brother and two of my close friends have built a wonderful culture of connection that has stood the test of time. Something I rarely see from groups this long. As I was thinking, what makes this so community so unique?

• It’s the journey, not the destination: From the beginning, the founders believed in fun and friendship over results. That made every practice, event, competition more joy than work. And that brought people to show up because they wanted to, not because they had to.

• Meet for real: Every year or so, a group of planners ensured we had an opportunity to meet IRL. We went to NOLA, LA to ATX. That made a huge difference, because connection is forged on the ground level. Not on FB, IG or chats, but in different places with fun spaces.

• Bring your (whole) self: People are the undercurrent of a good community. And we took people who brought themselves to the fullest: the zany, the goofballs, the pranksters and everything in between. You never hid from yourself, and everyone embraced it.

There’s a quote I like to describe this: An overnight success is 10 years in the making.

And I am proud of what the team did to foster such a durable and joyful community.

Tell them.

We love so deeply for some people in our lives.

Do they know though? Have they heard it out loud?

Maybe it’s not your style. Maybe it’s fear of vulnerability. Maybe it’s a lot of things in your head making you hold back…just a little.

For me? It’s taken years to break open these words: “I love you & you matter so much to me.”

Tell them. You will feel better. And chances are they will feel even better too.

Keep your shoes on

I’ve been lucky to be able to stay in a few family and friend’s homes in the last few weeks.

And I’ve been struck how well some people can take care of their visitors. Little details like luggage racks, hot food, fresh towels, phone chargers, easy-breezy entertainment.

When you stay with people who look after you so well, comfort reigns supreme. You leave fuller and happier than when you arrive.

Want to sprawl out? Go ahead. Wear your sweats? Please do. Keep your shoes on? This is your house!

Why not?

A lovely family, but I’ll have to love. Why not?

A fulfilling career, but I’ll have to work. Why not?

A steadfast friend, but I’ll have to be open. Why not?

A durable body, but I’ll have to push. Why not?

So much to look forward to, and it’s within reach. Others have done it, why not me?

The holiday life

Many of us taking some well-deserved time off for the holidays — including myself.

But what makes this different than a normal vacation? Why do we look forward it to so much?

I was thinking this week: it’s the basics. The things we’ve craved for a millennia: belonging, warmth, reflection - coupled with a roof, food, and loved ones.

A simple formula that recharges us for the full year (decade?) ahead. Grateful to have this little slice of life.

Lead from the back

One of our most inspiring humans to walk this earth: Nelson Mandela, said something amazing:

Lead from the back — and let others believe they are front.

Isn’t that so true? The most gifted leaders I have seen instill so much confidence and fortitude in their team without making a show. They counsel, listen, coach, encourage — and then get out of the way.

No hooting, hollering, or beating their chest from the top. Rather, they are side-by-side next to you, sleeves rolled up, caring to say: “Let’s figure this out together.”

Because it was never about them anyways. It’s about you.

Love with no place to go.

This week, I saw a sobering but illuminating quote:

Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.

How true. So much of what’s inside of us—especially those sad feelings—comes from pent-up affection that is now collected inside our soul. Typically, it washes over people we care about.

But when we lose somebody, it has to reside us and starts to pile up. Truthfully, it’s a manifestation of love that needs an outlet.

Writing and talking has helped me so far, but I am exploring ways to help get that ‘love’ out.

Young again

Sitting here with my elders, I consider myself so grateful to spend hours with them. Reflecting and reminiscing, we have talked about life’s ups and downs and sideways moments.

It’s been wonderful but I have been struck with a thought: if we could spend time when they were at their prime. Bursting full of life and energy: what would their outlook be? What kind of person would be?

I dream of a time I could look into their eyes and they looked back with a fullness, a potential.

Today on thanksgiving, I am thankful for them. But smile at the person they were so many years ago.

Informal India

I am in India this week. It's been a lovely trip being back with my family.

An observation: I am amazed how much gets done through intimate, process-less channels.

There is a milk person who comes to your door who knows your preferences.

Good off-market flats are found through word of mouth.

Fruit vendors don't sell you a bad orange because they know it's sour, and if you're short money: they trust you'll come back tomorrow to pay your tab.

In a country of a billion people, amazed at how intricate and personal it always is.

Message in the mess.

Life: It’s messy, right? Things rarely go as planned. Perfectly good situations (in your mind, at least) turn out to be imperfectly bad.

‘Bad’ is an association though. An attitude you gave a situation as ‘fact’, when it could have easily been just your own ‘opinion’.

But since everything happens for a reason, something bigger is at play, right? What’s it telling you?

There is a story there, and we can find it.

Time and gifts

As I think about what I have to give, the answer I come to a lot is my time.

We all have the same amount, but can I leverage it better? Can I open it more to those who need it?

Likely, yes. This week, it definitely made me realize it’s one of the best gifts we can offer.

“You matter. And I’m here to spend it with you.”

A city's best

Many of live in cities. And some of the shine has worn off a little: it feels packed, expensive, maybe even dirty.

But at their best? They are social, convenient and clean. But the only way forward for change that I feel I can make a dent is by voting. Every year, no excuse.

Reminding myself that I have a lot to be grateful for my city. And I need to support it with the mechanisms I have to keep it at it’s best.

Feeling like fun

Our days are filled to the brim. For whatever fills it, have you checked that (some of) it is fun?

I hope so. Because fun can’t be faked. You know in your heart when you’re excited to do something, and dread it when it’s not.

I’ve been trying to add a little fun on things I suck at. Like lighting a candle and playing music when I’m in the kitchen, or eating a chocolate after a workout.

Reminder to myself to keep thinking of ways to spark a little ‘cheer’ whatever I do.

Listen with your eyes.

You know you’ve checked out. Cue the nodding, the ‘uh-huhs’, and repeating their last word.

Been there so many times. One of the worst areas that I struggle with… because my eyes tell all, glossy and wandering.

How do I reverse this? Experiments with rehashing what they said, summarizing ‘here’s what I heard”, and finding a personal thing to relate too.

And then I find their eyes might light up too.

A simple purchase.

There’s a great question my brother asks in his podcast: what’s a $5 purchase that has changed your life for the better?

For me, it would be my laundry basket…that has wheels. Since I have to do laundry in my building, I can’t tell you how happy I am to use that versus carrying my laundry down.

It’s a bit sheepish but man, crazy how a small, simple thing can make a world of difference!

The world is wide enough

I was lucky this week to see Hamilton for the 2nd time. I wasn’t a fan of it the 1st time, but the 2nd time, a part really stuck with me.

Near the end, Aaron Burr reflects on his relationship with Alexander Hamilton. Throughout his life, he voraciously disagreed with Hamilton. It led to their infamous duel - that led to the sad end to his former friend.

He laments in the song:

I should've known

I should’ve known the world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me.

A chilling, sad thought from two men who respected each other - until the very end.

It made me think: we need people who disagree with us. We need discourse from both ends of the room. It pushes our collective thinking even more than we can imagine.

This world is big enough for all of that.

Thank you, not sorry.

I discovered a comic a while back that has always stuck with me.

We tend to apologize a lot. For our feelings, interruptions, behaviors… honestly, everything in between. It almost starts the conversation at a low-place.

But many times, I realize a lot of people want to be there for you. They want to connect, to console, to commiserate when you are your low. So why not start from a place of ‘thanks’?

I’ve started to try this out too, and I definitely felt a small change. Gratefulness spreads light…for both people.

And for that, you have nothing to apologize for!

Designing Your DNA

I am a big fan of Explained, a documentary series from Netflix. A particular one that struck me was the episode on ‘Designer DNA’.

The crux of the episode focused on CRISPR, a gene editing technology, that could lead to a ton of great breakthroughs: like ending single-gene diseases… but also, a slew of morally shaky areas: like choosing if you have freckles, height…maybe even intelligence.

It made me really reflect: what would the world be like?

A world with no chance, but all choice. A world where millions could be free of suffering, but millions more could be pushed deeper into prejudice.

Fascinating, yet frightening at the same time. 🧬

A 'latte' to be grateful for.

There are so many helpers in my life. Particularly those who work immensely hard to give me back the gift of time. And I am particularly grateful for this privilege I have.

So how can I show my thanks in a small, but meaningful way? A Twitter thread inspired me.

Every so often, I give them a Starbucks card. Just a small token to say how much they mean to me. Because it means more than I can ever say.

Making enough room

We all have circles in our life.

Who are in those circles? People you like? That look like you? That think like you?

If you’re like me, probably yes. But what about others on the fringe, the edge of that circle who might be as caring and lovely too. Am I making room for them?

I’ve heard a lot more recently about allyship. The idea that there’s enough space for all of us if we choose to open our circles and enter other circles. Freely and openly.

Because there’s room.