Thinking Out Loud
Intelligence: how can we measure it? Perhaps logically (IQ). Perhaps emotionally. (EQ)
But I love this new spectrum proposed by Ajay Banga, CEO of Mastercard: by decency (DQ)
For those in your community: it’s going beyond just feeling the emotions of others, but actually caring for them. Not weaponizing via manipulation or demeaning with your smarts.
Treating people with respect — daily — and value them as you do your loved ones.
The new algebra of leadership: IQ+EQ+DQ.
I love today for the ritual it brings around planning.
Many of us are putting together what we can do better for this new year. And it comes in a variety of flavors: resolutions, milestones, habits.
As I grow older, I’m starting to realize how powerful it is to just do something. 5 minutes. Add a reward. Maybe make it fun?
We all can be exceptional. Just make sure it’s an ounce of action, versus a ton of theory.
Let’s do this, 2021! Happy New Year.
A beautiful day to remind ourselves of this — and choose to hold space for it.
My prayer is that you’re surrounded with every ounce of it today ♥️
Be well & happy, happy Christmas!
A quotation I came by this week:
“Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.” —Wu Li
For me, enlightenment is building a healthy and happy partnership with my mind and my world.
This takes work. A lot of it. We will ‘chop ‘ and ‘carry’ a lot before it’s all over.
But maybe, it’s not supposed to be over. Maybe the work is a blessing all along.
And just maybe, harmony is a friend we’ll meet along the way.
As a spectator of my mind, most of the time I’m asking: “What am I actually feeling?”
I came across this helpful (and beautifully designed) diagram: the Feeling Wheel. In 1982, Dr. Gloria Wilcox published this tool to elevate how to acknowledge what’s arising within.
She writes: “The wheel has proven useful in assisting clients to learn how to identify, to express, to generate, and to change feelings.”
What I like about this wheel is that it nudges us to go further. For example, If you’re feeling bad, you may be feeling overwhelmed. When you’re feeling happy, you may be feeling inspired.
When we push ourselves to truly identify the emotion, we can then address it appropriately (and bring a loved one to help too).
Scan the wheel - what’s (really) going inside your head today?
On my favorite podcast TED Radio Hour, I heard a fantastic episode: Sound And Silence.
It plunged you into the sonic world — and for me, gave a wonderful exposure into the presence and absence of sound.
A curious story came up: the composer John Cage and his song of 4′33”. In 1952, Cage performed this wildly bold and controversial classical piece in front of a massive concert audience. What is it? Booming brass? Sparkling strings?
Nope. It was four minutes and 33 seconds of full, complete silence.
But was it actually silence?
The piece encourages the listener to ‘hear’ the ambient noise around them for almost 5 minutes: the bustling of the paper, the creaking of the seats, even the gurgling of their stomach.
From NPR: “Unlike compositions designed to make the outside world fall away, here was a music that, when it engaged you, made the present world open up like a lotus blossoming in stop-motion photography.”
What a wonderful reminder for centering around the present. Because then, as Cage says: “Everything can be music.”
This is such a special week in the US: Thanksgiving.
As a collective, we get to take a whole day to remember our blessings. Especially needed in a year like this.
My mind drifted to an article from Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits. He mentions about savoring. Of course, this can mean the yummy food we get to eat this week, but I love the broad application of this word when it comes to gratitude.
There are so many gifts to appreciate if we can take the extra 5 seconds to soak them in.
Here is my list of 5 for this week.
The soft breeze of a circulating fan under a fluffy comforter.
The twinkling constellation of lights from a Christmas tree at dusk.
The sweet rush of flavor from your favorite chocolate (read: KitKat!)
The radiant warmth and steam from a morning shower.
The crisp feel and satisfying scent from thumbing through a real book.
Take a moment, look around; what is giving you some joie de vivre?
At work, our leader shared a very illuminating article from Nora Roberts: how to juggle your life with multiple priorities. A feat 100x more complicated when you have children.
There was a deeper image that stuck with me: classify the balls you have in the air. Are they rubber or glass?
Why do this? You can actually determine what’s ‘fine’ to drop. A rubber ball can bounce back; while a glass ball has no point of return.
It’s a dream to believe we can keep a thousand balls in the air. It’s more practical (and comforting) to know you can drop some and be okay.
Glass first; everything next.
This year has likely changed so much for so many — with sickness, loss, disruption, fatigue, confusion. More nouns than we’d like to bear.
Something I read this week was helpful: “It’s a plot twist, not a setback.”
Any good story we read is winding - and no character is without challenge. Could this just an ‘interesting turn of events’ versus a ‘trough’?
My goodness: it can be difficult to reframe things in this way. But reminding myself there are many chapters left to go.
She floated everywhere she went, spreading soft sunlight to every corner she touched.
She laughed from the center of her heart, warming the room the longer you stayed.
She invited you into her home as her own, comforting you with spoonfuls of care.
She asked questions with such genuine intrigue, opening your soul to reflect.
She watched over our family, protecting us with her steady, calming aura.
She was lovely.
Rest in love, my beautiful Ammama.
I’ve written before about holding the door.
Now, it’s time to open more doors. And with looming US election next week, we now have the best key available.
This is the time where we can elect people and support policies that align with our values. This is the time to break down the old and build up the new. This is the time we can use our voice to the fullest capacity.
This is the time to vote. Grateful to the millions who already have.
If we’re not careful, it’s easy to tell ourselves a story of reality.
Reality is so subjective to the eyes of the beholder. It’s easy to conflate how things should be to how things actually are.
But deep down, we know what’s true. It’s often scary and uncomfortable. But if you ask yourself what’s really going in your world, there is solace on the other side. (I’ve struggled with taking this leap of faith.)
So a promise: instead of dragging ourselves kicking and screaming to face reality, what if we can quietly and courageously embrace it?
If we know our truth, it can set us free.
So much of this year has upended our context of the world.
One of the things I’ve been thinking: why exactly are we feeling down? Many of us have so many blessings and privileges: a comfortable home, a delicious meal, a paying job.
On the plus side too: life has slowly seeped back. Seeing a friend or two, getting dinner at a restaurant, maybe even seeing a movie. Most of that is…pretty normal? So why the malaise?
A friend summed it perfectly: there are few things to look forward to; less variety and novelty. Perhaps a far-off trip, a heartfelt wedding, a bustling concert, or even a change in routine. And we have less agency to plan for anything — given the turbulence of the world.
Realize how much of life isn’t the experience, but the anticipation of it. So let’s do something novel!
For me, it’s a camping trip this weekend. Hugely out of my comfort zone, it’s something I’ve been both excited and nervous about for a while; yet, it has filled me with so much joy to look forward to.
Is there any variety you can look forward to before the year closes? After all, I hear it’s a good spice to life!
We can’t get through this life alone. And where’s the fun in that anyways? Life’s better when we can give and get love from our circles.
And that’s why this beautiful saying really hit me: “Leave people better than you found them.”
A kind, caring attitude to everyone pays so, so many dividends — and if everyone adopts this sentiment: so much healing of our fractured world could happen.
Reminding myself to always be an ally of the light.
This week, I watched RBG.
It was a wonderful documentary on the life of incredible & iconic Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
My goodness: I was struck how much she gave to us — with her brilliant and ferocious work to uplift women (and many other people along the way).
There was one thing that drew me in: her marriage with her husband, Marty Ginsburg. Their partnership filled me with so much comfort and warmth.
They were different people: Marty, more playful and outgoing, with Ruth, more shy and soft-spoken. But their love was filled with deep adoration, care, and respect.
Stories of how Ruth took notes for Marty until the odd hours in the morning when he was sick, or how Marty became a voracious cheerleader to promote Ruth for her Supreme Court nomination.
At a time where gender norms were extreme, it was incredible to see both of them take such a modern, shared partnership. As it ought to be.
This letter from Marty to Ruth near the end of his days gave me so much light:
“My dearest Ruth – You are the only person I have loved in my life, setting aside, a bit, parents and kids and their kids, and I have admired and loved you almost since the day we first met at Cornell some 56 years ago. What a treat it has been to watch you progress to the very top of the legal world!”
I’ve been itching to write a longer-form piece, but couldn’t think about a topic I wanted to cover.
Then it dawned on me: this year in 2020, I have been working 8 years in corporate jobs — and fortunate to have learned some things along the way.
Thanks to the extended downtime of quarantine, I am excited to share my 3-month project: 8x8: 8 Tips to Unleash Your Work Performance (under Guides)
My goal? Empower young professionals with their career with practical tips and templates — such as running good meetings, preparing for 1:1s and annual reviews, and managing their inbox.
Grateful for your support as a patron and for sharing this with anyone kicking off their career.
I saw a fantastic image the other day. A reminder of how much emotional range we can have.
For many years, I struggled with the fact that feelings were a ‘path’ - and once you were down a path, your identity was set.
Far from the truth. Our identity flows by our own definition; and we should divorce the notion that only certain feelings match certain identities. And you can feel a mosaic of emotions - both ones that cast vote to that identity and even ones that don’t.
We can be one thing, and still be another.
I’ve been slowly making my way through Malcolm Gladwell’s Masterclass on Writing. It’s been a great watch from a fascinating author.
Gladwell had an interesting analogy on finding new ideas: use what’s in and around a person’s ‘bookshelf’
Get inspiration from their ‘bookshelf’: You likely have an interesting friend who knows weird tidbits, odd facts, and peculiar stories. When you’re stuck, meet with this friend and share openly about your project and work.
How to apply this: Ask their thoughts on your project, and see if it triggers any ideas. You know you’ve struck gold when they start to say things like “Oh, this reminds me of __”. Their orthogonal thought might catalyze a new perspective you might have never have considered.
Look for related ‘bookshelves’: Your interesting friend probably hangs out with other interesting friends. Gladwell shares: Just as the library organizes books by related topics, it’s in your advantage to scan the shelf above, below, and next to the ‘book’ you like.
How to apply this: How do you find other ‘books’ on other shelves related to the ‘book’ you like (your friend)? Ask your friend to introduce you to someone in their network: aka another ‘shelf’. Where one good idea is, there are many.
So when you’re looking for your next big idea, keep reading and searching. It’s okay if it leads to nowhere; there is a lot to learn on the journey.
We all have a safe spot that soothes us.
It could be drinking coffee on a crisp morning, watching sports on a rainy afternoon, or playing music on a quiet night. Our best time of the day to feel safe, secure, and at ease.
And I realized this week: this spot could be the best invitation to get to know someone. So meet your loved ones there.
There’s something beautiful about connecting when their tank is the fullest. Conversations feel more special, more expansive, and more vulnerable.
You might have to sacrifice your own spot from time-to-time, but it’s worth the price of admission. And maybe later, invite them over to your spot too?
I listened to a lovely presentation last week: Building Better Relationships with Michael Desanti.
Michael spoke about a thoughtful topic: Boundaries. His definition: Energetic agreements to keep both parties safe.
He went on to expand: think of your boundaries as a home. In your life, you have your outside circle — who is on your ‘porch’. You have an inner circle — who is in your ‘kitchen’. And then you usually have your partner — who is in your ‘bedroom’.
In each ‘room’ in your home, there are different levels of expectations. Highest in the bedroom; lowest in the porch.
The challenge: The wrong people are in our rooms. This breaks agreements, reduces mutual safety, and withers relationships. There are folks in our ‘kitchen’ who would better off on the ‘porch’. Or people we keep our ‘porch’ that actually deserve a spot in our ‘kitchen’.
It struck me: be cognizant of who’s in certain rooms in your house. And reshuffling your home from time to time is an act of love — both to you and to them.
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