XXXI Club

Another trip around the sun! It’s been an astonishing year. Peaks, valleys, and everything in between.

Some of my reflections on my first year in my third decade:

  • Govern your time. The pandemic’s gift was a study in time — realizing how much we have and how much we may have left. It’s the one universal shared resource we all must spend. Are you using your “budget” wisely? If not, what can do you differently this year?

  • You are your own best friend. It always starts at the beginning. No one is going to look after yourself as much as you can. So indulge in every precious moment you can to take care of everything that matters to you.

  • Create, build, make: I keep coming back to this. I sincerely believe it’s the most unblinking fixture of humanity: stand in the arena and put something out in the world. The process is wildly sobering & fulfilling.

In the spirit of a fresh new year, I am thrilled to join two wonderful folks: writer Kylee from Blue Sky Mind & artist Jenny Haught to discuss the intended & unintended effects of the last year: Processing the Pandemic:

Join us on Clubhouse tomorrow, Sunday, March 14 @ 8pm CT / 9pm ET. (Email me if you would like an invite; iPhone only at this time)

Come share your story & bring meaning to this time.

Nothing is so humble

I toured the Whitney Museum of American Art yesterday, and it was enchanting.

It was the first time I listened to an audio tour. You could hear how artists conceptualized their pieces and memorialize their life in subtle meanings & messages. Highly recommend!

One specific installation that was especially vibrant was “Nothing is So Humble” — showcasing prints from everyday objects. Artists used styrofoam, banana skins, pantyhoses and other ordinary objects as their canvas.

The curators write: “The resulting surface impressions—at once precise and abstracted—capture intimate views of their commonplace subjects that teeter between recognizable and elusive. By making visible what might otherwise be overlooked, these works transform ordinary encounters into poetic and poignant accounts of our world.”

It filled me with awe. Beauty can be found in the simplest of places, if only we choose to look.

Source: Whitney Museum

Source: Whitney Museum


Finer than fiction

Lately, I’m expanding my horizon in books — I am enjoying reading a romance novel: Normal People.

It’s been interesting to spectate a fictional love story: especially with emotions that feel so real and raw they jump off the page.

And it made me reflect on whom we love and why we love them. And how hard it is to do sometimes.

Lasting love seems to be choice. The choice to stay together. The choice to do without abandon. The choice to make it a verb.

And if we choose, reality can be better than any dream.

What you leave out

My affinity for creativity has only grown with time. It’s something I deeply believe is an antidote to managing trying times.

But with my creations, I tend to index to an ‘overstuffing’ fallacy. Lately, I am reminded that beauty is often what’s not there.

As I step back and observe my work, my canvas — a document, deck, blog, song, or drawing — looks more cluttered than clean.

All that extra is taking away from the essence. So a reminder to look for subtractions, not additions.

Don't bring home the leftovers

Our loved ones (especially our partner) matter so much. If everything falls apart, we treasure them to help us come back together.

Yet at the end of the day, they get what’s left of us. Most of our energy goes towards the “others” in our day — our colleagues, neighbors, maybe even strangers.

And we can “come home” feeling spent, leaving room for irritability and crankiness. What if we could flip the script?

Be intentional about saving energy for them. Give them fresh, not stale or old.

Likely a more tasty experience for all involved. (Happy Valentine’s day this weekend!)

Memory etches

Most of the time, our memory flows unevenly. Bits and pieces float to the surface, but most of it washes away in the tide.

But other days: it feels etched in stone. Everything is crystal clear; the sights, the sounds, the smells.

Yesterday was one of those days for me. I closed a chapter in DFW and opened a new one in NYC.

The best part of life is our collection of etches, and I look forward to those you will carve too!

Think Pink!

January is my learning month! And I was fortunate to take a class on sales & persuasion from the savvy & sharp thinker: Daniel Pink.

I’ve often felt that everyone is in sales. We use these skills even when we don’t think we are — understanding, partnering, and collaborating. And it’s something we all can get better.

Few things that caught my attention:

  • Irritation vs Agitation: We want people to take action, but we tend to use force & power to convince them. This is irritating and rarely works. Rather, focus on agitation: where people realize they ought to do something out of their own volition. So find a way to inspire them from within.

    • Example: if you're asking your kid to clean their room, start with “On a scale of 1-10, how ready are you to clean your room?” They likely will say “1-2”. Irritation might force you to ask “why is it not higher”? but agitation might inspire them “Why is not lower”? Invite them to challenge their own thinking.

  • The Pixar Pitch: Channel the mastery of Pixar when describing your scenario. We are all wired to hear stories, and we respond positively to a simple structure. So make your pitch analogous to a fairytale: “Once upon a time. every day, one day, because of that, and finally."

    • Example: “Once upon a time, Drew Houston wanted to work on a document. Every day, he brought this document on a thumbdrive on his bus to work. One day, he forgot it at home and was stuck without access. Because of that, he thought there must be a better way to access files anywhere. Finally, he started Dropbox to fix this.

  • Buoyancy Self-Talk: There is a little voice in our head that can bring us down to our knees. There are betters ways to lift ourselves up: 1) employ interrogative talk vs reinforcing talk. 2) de-catastrophize events by asking: is this personal, pervasive and permanent and 3) treat yourself like you were treating a friend.

    • Example: Ask yourself “Can you do this, and how”? versus “I can do this”. And if the voice of dissent gets louder: push back by asking: does this always happen and will it always be like this?

An excellent reminder! Thank you Mr. Pink for your rose-colored glasses into this world.

The balm we needed

On Wed, I was absolutely floored by the epic and eternal words from poet Amanda Gorman: “The Hill We Climb”.

For so many years, the US was struggling under the weight of macro and microforces. And at a flashpoint, Ms. Gorman was able to inspire millions with hope and resolve.

It made me so appreciative of the power of spoken and written word. Her words were strung together like a beautiful tapestry.

As someone wrote: “They danced off the page — both achingly precise and mesmerizing”. My favorite was the end:

For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it
If only we’re brave enough to be it.

We needed you, Amanda. Thank you for being a harbor in our storm.

When fear knocks, let faith answer.

I just finished an amazing Masterclass with Robin Roberts.

She is an absolute tour de force — bursting with warmth & brimming with confidence. Her story is inspiring: from breaking multiple barriers to anchor both ESPN & Good Morning America, while also fighting through 2 rounds of soul-sapping cancer.

She shared many beautiful lessons that resonated:

  • When fear knocks, let faith answer. A belief in “Everything will be okay in the end” can be a powerful ally as the waves of life get choppier. We can’t predict our future: good or bad. An opportunity could be knocking next. As Robin shares: “Get ready for your suddenly” because something may be around the corner, and “God’s delays aren’t his denials” because timing is everything.

  • Make your mess your message. Your ‘mess’ — the raw, scary underbelly of your life — can be a great healing opportunity for many people similarly struggling. Robin was hesitant to share about her 2 battles with cancer, especially with audiences on live TV. She decided to be open and share actions, such as early detection and blood donations. Thousands of people were likely saved from her vulnerability.

  • ‘One Day’ vs ‘Day One’. Don’t dawdle; we have only 1 precious life. Why postpone things further? It’s easier to kick the can down the road for so many of our dreams and ambitions. Robin exclaims to take charge of your life as soon as you can. Flip your approach from something that you’ll do eventually (‘one day’) to something you can try to do today (‘day one’).

  • “I get to do this” - Let optimism course through your veins, even for the mundane. You might hate waking up early or walking in the cold. Robin invites us to elevate our thinking to say “I get to do this” versus “I have to do this”. That little bit of sunlight in a cracked day can make the difference; changing the way you think can change the way you feel.

Robin, I was dazzled by your grace and humor. We are better off because of you. Thank you!

Deceny Quotient

Intelligence: how can we measure it? Perhaps logically (IQ). Perhaps emotionally. (EQ)

But I love this new spectrum proposed by Ajay Banga, CEO of Mastercard: by decency (DQ)

For those in your community: it’s going beyond just feeling the emotions of others, but actually caring for them. Not weaponizing via manipulation or demeaning with your smarts.

Treating people with respect — daily — and value them as you do your loved ones.

The new algebra of leadership: IQ+EQ+DQ.

Human doings

I love today for the ritual it brings around planning.

Many of us are putting together what we can do better for this new year. And it comes in a variety of flavors: resolutions, milestones, habits.

As I grow older, I’m starting to realize how powerful it is to just do something. 5 minutes. Add a reward. Maybe make it fun?

We all can be exceptional. Just make sure it’s an ounce of action, versus a ton of theory.

Let’s do this, 2021! Happy New Year.

Chop wood, carry water.

A quotation I came by this week:

“Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.” —Wu Li

For me, enlightenment is building a healthy and happy partnership with my mind and my world.

This takes work. A lot of it. We will ‘chop ‘ and ‘carry’ a lot before it’s all over.

But maybe, it’s not supposed to be over. Maybe the work is a blessing all along.

And just maybe, harmony is a friend we’ll meet along the way.

Feel the Wheel

As a spectator of my mind, most of the time I’m asking: “What am I actually feeling?”

I came across this helpful (and beautifully designed) diagram: the Feeling Wheel. In 1982, Dr. Gloria Wilcox published this tool to elevate how to acknowledge what’s arising within.

She writes: “The wheel has proven useful in assisting clients to learn how to identify, to express, to generate, and to change feelings.”

What I like about this wheel is that it nudges us to go further. For example, If you’re feeling bad, you may be feeling overwhelmed. When you’re feeling happy, you may be feeling inspired.

When we push ourselves to truly identify the emotion, we can then address it appropriately (and bring a loved one to help too).

Scan the wheel - what’s (really) going inside your head today?

Feeling Wheel.png

Everything can be music

On my favorite podcast TED Radio Hour, I heard a fantastic episode: Sound And Silence.

It plunged you into the sonic world — and for me, gave a wonderful exposure into the presence and absence of sound.

A curious story came up: the composer John Cage and his song of 4′33”. In 1952, Cage performed this wildly bold and controversial classical piece in front of a massive concert audience. What is it? Booming brass? Sparkling strings?

Nope. It was four minutes and 33 seconds of full, complete silence.

But was it actually silence?

The piece encourages the listener to ‘hear’ the ambient noise around them for almost 5 minutes: the bustling of the paper, the creaking of the seats, even the gurgling of their stomach.

From NPR: “Unlike compositions designed to make the outside world fall away, here was a music that, when it engaged you, made the present world open up like a lotus blossoming in stop-motion photography.”

What a wonderful reminder for centering around the present. Because then, as Cage says: “Everything can be music.”

Savor the small

This is such a special week in the US: Thanksgiving.

As a collective, we get to take a whole day to remember our blessings. Especially needed in a year like this.

My mind drifted to an article from Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits. He mentions about savoring. Of course, this can mean the yummy food we get to eat this week, but I love the broad application of this word when it comes to gratitude.

There are so many gifts to appreciate if we can take the extra 5 seconds to soak them in.

Here is my list of 5 for this week.

  1. The soft breeze of a circulating fan under a fluffy comforter.

  2. The twinkling constellation of lights from a Christmas tree at dusk.

  3. The sweet rush of flavor from your favorite chocolate (read: KitKat!)

  4. The radiant warmth and steam from a morning shower.

  5. The crisp feel and satisfying scent from thumbing through a real book.

Take a moment, look around; what is giving you some joie de vivre?

Juggling: Rubber vs Glass

At work, our leader shared a very illuminating article from Nora Roberts: how to juggle your life with multiple priorities. A feat 100x more complicated when you have children.

There was a deeper image that stuck with me: classify the balls you have in the air. Are they rubber or glass?

Why do this? You can actually determine what’s ‘fine’ to drop. A rubber ball can bounce back; while a glass ball has no point of return.

It’s a dream to believe we can keep a thousand balls in the air. It’s more practical (and comforting) to know you can drop some and be okay.

Glass first; everything next.

Plot twist, not a setback.

This year has likely changed so much for so many — with sickness, loss, disruption, fatigue, confusion. More nouns than we’d like to bear.

Something I read this week was helpful: “It’s a plot twist, not a setback.”

Any good story we read is winding - and no character is without challenge. Could this just an ‘interesting turn of events’ versus a ‘trough’?

My goodness: it can be difficult to reframe things in this way. But reminding myself there are many chapters left to go.

Isn't she lovely?

She floated everywhere she went, spreading soft sunlight to every corner she touched.

She laughed from the center of her heart, warming the room the longer you stayed.

She invited you into her home as her own, comforting you with spoonfuls of care.

She asked questions with such genuine intrigue, opening your soul to reflect.

She watched over our family, protecting us with her steady, calming aura.

She was lovely.

Rest in love, my beautiful Ammama.

Open more doors

I’ve written before about holding the door.

Now, it’s time to open more doors. And with looming US election next week, we now have the best key available.

This is the time where we can elect people and support policies that align with our values. This is the time to break down the old and build up the new. This is the time we can use our voice to the fullest capacity.

This is the time to vote. Grateful to the millions who already have.