Caritas

I read a word this week that moved me: Caritas.

With religious roots, the word directly translates from Latin to “charity.” But I am drawn to the deeper spirit of the word: “Selfless love of the humankind”

As David Perry & Matthew Gabrielle write: “Caritas is a type of love that thinks more about others than oneself. It's simply to ‘wish good to someone.’ “

On a day like today, I’m reminded how deeply this matters — to love freely and fully. We all need each other. We all need our community. We all need caritas.

And for that, I’m grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! Much love.

Meatspace

You can’t step far without hearing about the metaverse. It’s the biggest buzzword to enter our zeitgeist!

I read this fantastic article from Noah Smith about what this all means. (Hat tip to Rohan R. for the share.)

I was drawn to Noah’s comparison between the meatspace and the metaspace. The former is what we’ve known for thousands of years. The latter is what’s coming (or what may already be here).

For me, the in-world meetups are so fulfilling and valuable. There’s nothing like a warm coffee or long dinner in reality. (And don’t get me started on what feels like Tomb of Zoom somedays...)

So I’m both equally curious and hesitant on the metaverse. Because the “meatspace” is pretty darn delightful. What do you think?

The Cow and the Lion

This tweet made me laugh & reflect:

Most people work like COWS. Standing in the field all day, grazing grass slowly. Rather, try to work like a LION. Sit, wait for prey, sprint. eat/enjoy, rest & repeat.

Pre-pandemic, it definitely felt like bovine-based work. 9-5. 5 days a week. In an office.

Post-pandemic, that model has transformed — and remote/hybrid work has changed the equation for so many people. You can choose to sprint more readily, based on what works for you.

For me, that means making thinking fast in the morning (creative and critical thinking) and then resting slow in the evening (email and meetings).

How can you change up your approach from less “Moo-Moo” 🐮 to more “Mufasa”? 🦁

Damn the rest

My Ammama was a vessel of poise, grit, beauty, and confidence.

Among the many lessons she shared with me, one stands out the most: “Do your best, and damn the rest.”

Growing up, I was easily affected by the voices of the crowd. Their thoughts and feelings superseded any of my own. And whatever they said, I felt — usually at the cost of my own anxiety.

I remember sharing these worries with her, and — always direct and soothing — she came back with this: “Arjunbhai, have you put your whole heart into it? Then that is enough. Forget about them.”

A mountain of reassurance, in 7 simple words.

She would have been 79 today. Happy birthday, Ammama! I miss you.

Big Rocks

Every so often, it’s good to look at our jar of life — and how we fill it up.

Pebbles (e.g. hobbies) and sand (e.g. possessions) could take up all the space, but are we left content?

A reminder to take stock on your big rocks: be it your health, relationships, or even career. The essentials that make life worth living.

The reality is: we can’t fit it all, but we can still be full. 🪨

Commander Ajja

To many, you were broad-shouldered and Navy strong. To me, you loved to dance and hum a good song.

To many, you stood tall and firm when the going got tough. To me, being sensitive and sweet was more than enough.

To many, your whistle and laugh were heard far and wide. To me, you just needed a newspaper, some tea, and your loving wife.

To many, you were Commander Arun Rao. To me, you were my Ajja.

Rest in love 💙

Stardust

Last night, I saw the inimitable John Legend. He shared a preview of a sterling new song: Stardust. It was a lovely ballad to his wife — but I was drawn to some of his philosophy:

“We have a piece of the universe inside us. Each of us is special and part of something bigger. It’s a biological fact.”

It’s hard to comprehend somedays, but the truth is: we are built from eternity. A mixture of substances from a primeval age. A miracle billions of years in the making.

We all get bogged down in the day-to-day, but once in a while: a reminder to open up the aperture.

As Josteein Garder writes: “When we look up at the sky, we are trying to find the way back to ourselves.” 🌌

Son to Be

I read an interesting line:

Do not try to be the man your father would want you to be. Be the man you would like your son to be. It more clearly defines your own convictions, desires, goals, and motivates you to be your best.

Most of us look up to our parents as an example, and rightfully so: they imbue us with so many upstanding values.

But sometimes, aspiring to be a perfect reflection of our mom or dad may not be ideal. We can revere them, but don’t have to replicate them.

Rather, we can take their best traits, but also build new traits that would make our children proud.

Reedemable

The fact of life is that we all screw up. It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when. 

It’s natural and okay, as a long we can genuinely apologize. 

What’s helping me lately is the idea that most people are trying their best even if it’s the worst.  If they wronged you, there’s usually a glacier of struggle under them that contributed to it.

And that means to give more grace — both to them and yourself. Because we all can be redeemed.

Asymmetric upside

A word typically used in investing, I have been thinking about is asymmetric upside.

Simply put, trying things where the upside is much greater than the downside.

For most of my life, I’ve held a conservative view on risk, tending to fixate on “what could go wrong"‘ versus “what could go right". A defensive strategy.

But now, I’ve been more curious about how to flip the script and play my chips more offensively. Focus on things that may never pan out, but if they do, it could be exponential. That includes writing more, creating more, and meeting more.

Playing to win, not playing to lose. How about you? What bets are you making that could pay out 1000 to 1?

9/11

Two decades ago, we were changed forever.

It was both harrowing and humbling to revisit the memorial this year in NYC.

I was reminded of the hope, resilience, and sacrifice of that day and the years after — plus how the community and the nation banded together to bring us back over 20 years.

We shall never forget.

The Art of Gathering

Hosting is a beautiful skill.

Great hosts can create an event that feels like a magical kingdom; where guests feel drawn into an enchanting, alternate universe filled with lasting memories — sometimes for life.

But what does it take to be a great host? I finished a terrific book that answers this: The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker — a master facilitator and organizer.

Some of my salient takeaways:

  • Purpose: Be crisp & specific: Think about your event’s “why” — whether it’s ideating, celebrating, or remembering. Being very intentional helps with setting the right fit.

    • What is the social contract you're building with your guests? Don’t break it to them when they arrive; you need to prime them in advance.

  • Guest List: Thoughtful exclusion: More the merrier isn’t great if it destroys purpose. It’s actually more generous and defining for the guests that do AND don’t come. Start with an intimacy gauge: Priya writes: “Choose the depth of the swimming pool - either deep end or shallow end. Either way, you're getting wet.”

    • Rule of thumb: 6 for forging deep discussion, 8-12 for liveliness, and 12-30 for a party that crackles with energy.

  • Before the Event: Brand it & create intrigue: Start by giving your event an actual name that aligns with your purpose & people. (e.g. “Olivia’s Tiki Time 30th” vs. “My 30th bday!”). Before people step into your space, think about how you can create energy in advance. The clock starts as soon as guests are aware of the existence of the event.

    • For example, if you are hosting a cheese tasting, send a gift card for a local cheese shop for people to buy in advance. Or share a prompt or question for people to consider before they step in.

  • During the Event: Don’t be chill: Many of us think we should let the event just flow. This is actually a terrible thing for your guests, as they are left to fumble around. Rather, it’s better to gently govern. From Priya: “Be bold - if you wan’t to be chill, go the Arctic.”

    • Your role: 1) protect time (e.g. start and close the event) 2) equalize everyone (e.g. no one’s voice should overtake another) and 3) connect (be active in creating glue.)

Wonderful advice as we host more gatherings in the coming months. And with some practice, we can leave our guests better than we found them. 🎂

Ubuntu

I came across a beautiful Zulu term: “Ubuntu”

Though there are many meanings, the simplest one I found was: “I am because you are.”

Everything we achieve has roots in the sacrifices of others. We fly far because of our community: the wind beneath our wings.

And as our life unfolds, each piece from a person starts to come together into something sublime.

A beautiful constellation. A stunning mosaic.

Trust your training

I’ve been enamored with some of the feats in the Tokyo Olympics.

Olympians pour their mind, soul, and body to compete at the highest levels — some for decades. And it’s amazing to see records demolished every 4 years as athletes push themselves faster and farther.

A few athletes that struck me:

  • Quan Hongchan - A diver who scored two perfect 10s…at 14. She entered diving to support her mother who is managing a difficult illness.

  • Oksana Chusovitina - A gymnast who is competing in her eighth Olympics….at 46. She has persisted in a sport few take beyond their 20s.

It made me appreciate all the hours spent outside the spotlight. Burning with purpose and fueled by grit, both reached rarefied air through exceptional discipline and work.

Damian Lillard, a superstar NBA player said it best: “If you want to look good in front of thousands, you have to outwork thousands in front of nobody..."

Monet and Rodin

This past weekend, I was lucky to visit the Monet exhibit at the MFA in Boston.

It was an exceptional exhibit. I was particularly drawn to the relationship between two Impressionist virtuosos: Claude Monet and Auguste Rodin.

The two were born two days apart in November 1840. Both were extremely renowned and respected as contemporaries….which could have fractured into an inimical and sour relationship.

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Rather: the two looked at each other with fondness. Inspired by each others work, they wrote hundreds of letters to each other: coaching, teasing, challenging, and loving.

After 50+ years of friendship, Rodin wrote to Monet: “I still have the same admiration for the artist who helped me understand light, clouds, the sea, the cathedrals that I already loved so much, but whose beauty awakened at dawn by your interpretation moved me so deeply.”

Is there a peer in your life who frustrates but focuses you? Perhaps it’s time to shine a new light: from competitive to kindred.

Scar Tissue

We’ve all had our fair share of knocks. And some of the toughest knocks come from those we care about the most.

In a recent interview, John Mayer says a particularly resonant phrase: Don’t create bonds with scar tissue.

We tend to find some of the sharpest and deepest connections with pain. Some pain can lead to growth, but other recurring pain can leave you hollow.

And you can be addicted to the hurt and keep coming back to it. A good check: What scars do you return to? What can you move on from?

Because sometimes: the loving is the leaving.

Vacationless

Many of us are taking extended days off to go on holiday.

It’s well deserved: rest and renewal are so vital to keep the lights on. But what if you dream about the Caribbean every week? Or Mykonos every Monday?

There’s a tradeoff to escapism: when you’re just not that happy with your day-to-day that you need to leave it constantly.

So when you’re planning your future vacation, spend a little time on your present reality. Can you find happiness not far from home?