Solitude

I live alone for the first time in my adult life.

And wow — it’s been a huge shift in the way I think, act, and feel. Time and space move differently when you’re with yourself for extended periods.

But I’ve been thinking about the idea that if you are alone doesn’t mean you are lonely.

It’s a matter of framing. The story we tell ourselves counts so much on how we feel about it. We have full agency to treat our quiet time with meaning. (Not easy in practice.)

One of my favorite podcasts LifeKit shared an insight here: When we feel lonely, it's because our desire for company exceeds our ability to find it. If our desire for solitude exceeds our ability to find it, we can also struggle with feelings of discomfort.

Maggie Nelson writes thoughtfully in her poem: “I have been trying, for some time now, to find dignity in my loneliness. Loneliness is solitude with a problem.”

So take your space. Being alone doesn’t have to feel alone.

Fail ≠ Fell

I saw a fantastic tweet from Emmanuel Acho, former Texas & NFL linebacker turned broadcaster and author.

It’s only human to stumble. Again and again and again. But a stirring reminder to not equate falling with failing. Not easy in practice, but there’s a blessing somewhere.

All our blunders, bungles, fumbles, and flubs? They are only mistakes — if we don’t learn something.

Brush it off, chin up, and carry on. You got this!

Levels

Our first week into 2022! There is already a lot going on. Macro and micro forces may leave a lot of raw emotions.

As we process, a good reminder to sit with our feelings further. Most likely, there is a second-order thought beyond a first-order thought — if we give it enough time and space.

Are you angry? Or actually hurt?

Are you sad? Or actually lonely?

Are you scared? Or actually overwhelmed?

Don't believe everything you (first) think. Try out the Feeling Wheel to identify, and lean on your loved ones + therapist for help.

And as you climb the ladder into your soul, there may be a new level.

99%

Happy NYE! We’re 99% done with 2021. (Phew! Can you believe it?)

As we near the end, I think about the beginning. Something I’ve been doing the last few years is forgetting annual resolutions. Difficult to plan for a full year given so much inevitable change.

Rather, I’ve been doing monthly themes. It’s been more enjoyable and easier to work in smaller increments. 4 weeks to build yourself better. 4 weeks to start, stop, or continue something new.

Plus you can be kind to yourself if the month didn’t go as planned — there will always be a new month coming up!

Here are my themes for the next year:

Any themes you would like to try? Join me!

I wish you a brilliant and beautiful 2022. The best is yet to come!

I never knew

As the holiday arrives, it brings me joy to see many of us slow down. Relaxation, renewal, and rest are so important but often overlooked.

With this calmer pace, I also love the “fourth R” - reflection. How was your year, truly? A template that helps me contemplate is the YearCompass.

It’s a wonderful opportunity to acknowledge the aches, relish the revelations, and grin over growth.

I hope it leads to insight on how to take care of yourself better. And maybe there’s a moment when you say: “Wow, I never knew I needed this.”

The Edgers

In the last few weeks, I’ve been seeing a sports documentary: ‘Man in the Arena’. It highlights Tom Brady and his milestones in an exceptional football career. (It’s worth a watch from acclaimed director Gotham Chopra.)

I was struck by something: the culture of the 2004 Patriots team. Two of Brady’s teammates: Mike Vrabel and Teddy Bruschi called their team “The Edgers”.

What does that mean? They always strived to get an edge — even as teammates. Based on extreme trust & courage, they pushed each other to their maximum potential. Every practice was a ferocious battle on who could out-work, out-compete, and out-will each other.

Bruschi shares: “It wasn’t about the more you could do, it was who could do the most.” And it led to massive success: 14-2 record with a 2nd consecutive Super Bowl win.

It made me reflect: with the company you keep, who elevates you to your edge?

Source: ESPN & NFL

In a rush

I was on the subway yesterday, and I sat next to an artist: Ariel Cotton.

For the whole ride, she was sketching, doodling, tracing, and writing in a small, vanilla notebook with a lovely fountain pen. I asked her what she was working on, and she mentioned that she was drafting a comic.

But writing a comic is a messy process. She was testing out a bunch of different bits and pieces. Some stuck, but a lot didn’t. Her notebook had pages of scratch-offs, riffs, and “rubbish”. She mentioned it was her canvas to just experiment and experiment and experiment.

As a student of the creative journey, it warmed my heart. And it made me think of the quotation from British novelist Amelia Barr:

“Everything good needs time. Don’t do work in a hurry. Go into details; it pays in every way. Time means power for your work. Mediocrity is always in a rush; but whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing with consideration. For genius is nothing more nor less than doing well what anyone can do badly.”

So big gratitude to those who are not in a rush. A standing ovation to those who continue to wander.

Your work will be worth the wait.

There it is

We’re all working on something. An endeavor always in the making.

But man…but progress is hard. Twists and turns, switchbacks and backtracks, and ups and downs.

It’s taken years to find comfort that the journey is never linear, but always winding. Little by little becomes a lot — if you can give yourself enough grace and patience.

There are times I look back at my life and ask: What if I never kept going?

When all is said and done, there’s no greater feeling to step back, look at your work, and say…. “Wow, there it is.”

Credit: Liz & Mollie

Caritas

I read a word this week that moved me: Caritas.

With religious roots, the word directly translates from Latin to “charity.” But I am drawn to the deeper spirit of the word: “Selfless love of the humankind”

As David Perry & Matthew Gabrielle write: “Caritas is a type of love that thinks more about others than oneself. It's simply to ‘wish good to someone.’ “

On a day like today, I’m reminded how deeply this matters — to love freely and fully. We all need each other. We all need our community. We all need caritas.

And for that, I’m grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! Much love.

Meatspace

You can’t step far without hearing about the metaverse. It’s the biggest buzzword to enter our zeitgeist!

I read this fantastic article from Noah Smith about what this all means. (Hat tip to Rohan R. for the share.)

I was drawn to Noah’s comparison between the meatspace and the metaspace. The former is what we’ve known for thousands of years. The latter is what’s coming (or what may already be here).

For me, the in-world meetups are so fulfilling and valuable. There’s nothing like a warm coffee or long dinner in reality. (And don’t get me started on what feels like Tomb of Zoom somedays...)

So I’m both equally curious and hesitant on the metaverse. Because the “meatspace” is pretty darn delightful. What do you think?

The Cow and the Lion

This tweet made me laugh & reflect:

Most people work like COWS. Standing in the field all day, grazing grass slowly. Rather, try to work like a LION. Sit, wait for prey, sprint. eat/enjoy, rest & repeat.

Pre-pandemic, it definitely felt like bovine-based work. 9-5. 5 days a week. In an office.

Post-pandemic, that model has transformed — and remote/hybrid work has changed the equation for so many people. You can choose to sprint more readily, based on what works for you.

For me, that means making thinking fast in the morning (creative and critical thinking) and then resting slow in the evening (email and meetings).

How can you change up your approach from less “Moo-Moo” 🐮 to more “Mufasa”? 🦁

Damn the rest

My Ammama was a vessel of poise, grit, beauty, and confidence.

Among the many lessons she shared with me, one stands out the most: “Do your best, and damn the rest.”

Growing up, I was easily affected by the voices of the crowd. Their thoughts and feelings superseded any of my own. And whatever they said, I felt — usually at the cost of my own anxiety.

I remember sharing these worries with her, and — always direct and soothing — she came back with this: “Arjunbhai, have you put your whole heart into it? Then that is enough. Forget about them.”

A mountain of reassurance, in 7 simple words.

She would have been 79 today. Happy birthday, Ammama! I miss you.

Big Rocks

Every so often, it’s good to look at our jar of life — and how we fill it up.

Pebbles (e.g. hobbies) and sand (e.g. possessions) could take up all the space, but are we left content?

A reminder to take stock on your big rocks: be it your health, relationships, or even career. The essentials that make life worth living.

The reality is: we can’t fit it all, but we can still be full. 🪨

Commander Ajja

To many, you were broad-shouldered and Navy strong. To me, you loved to dance and hum a good song.

To many, you stood tall and firm when the going got tough. To me, being sensitive and sweet was more than enough.

To many, your whistle and laugh were heard far and wide. To me, you just needed a newspaper, some tea, and your loving wife.

To many, you were Commander Arun Rao. To me, you were my Ajja.

Rest in love 💙

Stardust

Last night, I saw the inimitable John Legend. He shared a preview of a sterling new song: Stardust. It was a lovely ballad to his wife — but I was drawn to some of his philosophy:

“We have a piece of the universe inside us. Each of us is special and part of something bigger. It’s a biological fact.”

It’s hard to comprehend somedays, but the truth is: we are built from eternity. A mixture of substances from a primeval age. A miracle billions of years in the making.

We all get bogged down in the day-to-day, but once in a while: a reminder to open up the aperture.

As Josteein Garder writes: “When we look up at the sky, we are trying to find the way back to ourselves.” 🌌

Son to Be

I read an interesting line:

Do not try to be the man your father would want you to be. Be the man you would like your son to be. It more clearly defines your own convictions, desires, goals, and motivates you to be your best.

Most of us look up to our parents as an example, and rightfully so: they imbue us with so many upstanding values.

But sometimes, aspiring to be a perfect reflection of our mom or dad may not be ideal. We can revere them, but don’t have to replicate them.

Rather, we can take their best traits, but also build new traits that would make our children proud.

Reedemable

The fact of life is that we all screw up. It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when. 

It’s natural and okay, as a long we can genuinely apologize. 

What’s helping me lately is the idea that most people are trying their best even if it’s the worst.  If they wronged you, there’s usually a glacier of struggle under them that contributed to it.

And that means to give more grace — both to them and yourself. Because we all can be redeemed.

Asymmetric upside

A word typically used in investing, I have been thinking about is asymmetric upside.

Simply put, trying things where the upside is much greater than the downside.

For most of my life, I’ve held a conservative view on risk, tending to fixate on “what could go wrong"‘ versus “what could go right". A defensive strategy.

But now, I’ve been more curious about how to flip the script and play my chips more offensively. Focus on things that may never pan out, but if they do, it could be exponential. That includes writing more, creating more, and meeting more.

Playing to win, not playing to lose. How about you? What bets are you making that could pay out 1000 to 1?

9/11

Two decades ago, we were changed forever.

It was both harrowing and humbling to revisit the memorial this year in NYC.

I was reminded of the hope, resilience, and sacrifice of that day and the years after — plus how the community and the nation banded together to bring us back over 20 years.

We shall never forget.