Amigos

Friendship is such an essential part of our life — but interestingly, we stop nurturing these connections as we age.

From the Atlantic this month, writer Jennifer Senior pens an illuminating essay on friendship:

“When you’re in middle age, you start to realize how very much you need your friends. They’re the flora and fauna in a life that hasn’t had much diversity, because you’ve been so busy—so relentlessly, stupidly busy—with middle-age things: kids, house, spouse, or some modern-day version of Zorba’s full catastrophe.

Then one day you look up and discover that the ambition monkey has fallen off your back; the children into whom you’ve pumped thousands of kilowatt-hours are no longer partial to your company; your partner may or may not still be by your side. And what, then, remains? With any luck, your friends.

Friendship is the rare kind of relationship that remains forever available to us as we age. It’s a bulwark against stasis, a potential source of creativity and renewal in lives that otherwise narrow with time.”

And the sobering reality: if we don’t tend to our relationship garden, they quickly wither.

So what can we do? Moving to a new city, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about friendships: creating, fostering, and maintaining them — both new and old. A few things that I’m reading and trying:

  • Anchoring with Interests: Find a common interest to underscore your relationship: a show, sport, artist, game, or food. And plan things or have chats around that topic. I look at different events a few months ahead and then connect with people who could be interested in them, so we can enjoy them together.

  • Think → Connect: Whenever you think of someone, text them. My mom is fantastic at this; she’s shown me that you shouldn’t worry too much about what you say, but just that you do it. Another tip was to be more participatory in social media; just don’t look at their Facebook & Instagram; comment on their Feed posts & respond to their Stories to start a dialogue.

  • IRL (In Real Life): If you’re like me, some of your closest friends live a thousand miles away. But with a little planning, you can make time to see them in person — even for a weekend once a year. That time is absolutely magical and will be rocket fuel for your relationship. Doing your best to show up and see them is worth every penny.

This little marble we live on is only for a moment, and it’s just a heck of a lot more enjoyable if we do it with people we love.

How are you making space for your amigos del corazón? 👬

XXXII

I turned 32 last Sunday.

Flooded with blessings & gratitude, especially after a volatile two years. A few things on my mind lately:

  • Protect your health. Our whole life starts and ends with us. If we’re not taking care of ourselves, nothing can begin. We incessantly withdraw from our health bank — leading to damaging consequences. A reminder to make continuous deposits to wellness: in mind, body, and spirit.

  • No ideal timelines. A library is filled with different books: novels, novellas, and tomes. No book is perfect, but all can share a great story. A reminder to stay content with writing your own book; you’re the best author for it!

  • Wander & wonder. It’s never too late to explore. Meandering should happen our entire life — into new hobbies, passions, and interests. Having range is a wonderful outcome for being a lifelong learner & creator. A reminder to break from the safe shores into the open ocean.

As I embark on another trip around the sun, a heartfelt thank-you to everyone on this path with me. The journey is only as fun as the people you do it with. 😊

Next Play

After half a decade, I leave a wonderful company today — LinkedIn.

This place was special. Every day, I was surrounded by colleagues who cared not just about “work you”, but the “whole you.” People who asked not just about “What did you do?” but “How are you doing?”. People who believed deeply about doing good and doing well.

And it made me reflect on careers: it really doesn’t matter what you do, but who you do it with. One concept I loved in my time here was the idea of “next play”. The company knew no job lasts forever; in fact, it actively encouraged you to dream big — and then gave you the tools to go after it.

I am flooded with gratitude. Thank you LinkedIn for making this play a ride of a lifetime, and then building me up for the next play.


Inspiration

One of my favorite writers I follow: Dan Cullen shared a quote that struck me from Pablo Picasso:

“Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”

We dream about “lightbulb” moments — where genius strikes and our masterpiece develops. It rarely happens that way. How many times does your mind blank as soon as you open the blank page?

I love the thinking lately around being bad every single day. It’s less about showing out, but more about showing up.

You might feel useless, but you will soon be useful. And your muse will find you along the way.

Just a Comma

My grand-aunt, Jyotsna Govil, is extraordinary.

She’s been a tireless champion & chairperson for the Indian Cancer Society. They are a national organization for awareness, detection, and treatment for cancer patients in India.

There’s a quote she forwarded to us that resonated deeply: “Cancer is not a full stop to life, just a comma.”

It’s such a powerful reframing that takes back control of a terrible disease. And flips the conversation to hope and strength. What I love is that this sentiment extends far past this scenario too.

Despite the licks we take in life, everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. This too shall pass.

(Happy 80th birthday to my Jyotsnakka too. May your light and love continue to dazzle and shine on!)

Pollyanna

I was reading a book earlier this week and came across a curious and lovely word: Pollyanna.

It means a person who can be “characterized by irrepressible optimism and a tendency to find good in everything.”

How fantastic is there a name for people who bring light and love — every day of the week.

And as I get older, I realize optimism is a muscle that we can practice. With life’s little twists, we have little control over what happens to us, but full control over how we feel about it. Often, we create a mental prison just because of our perspective.

I like this manifestation: “This is happening not to me, but for me.”

Not to say we can’t have bad days or sour outlooks — stubborn optimism does have a price.

But there’s something to be said about stepping back, taking a breath, and reframing our situation. What would a P do?

Love is Practice

In my life, I’ve been lucky to see many examples of kind, caring, and durable relationships.

And I’ve noticed a lesson among them: Romance is theory; love is practice.

It’s easy to fall in love, but much harder to stay in love. The relationships (both platonic and not) that tend to turn from months and years to decades and seasons all have one thing: work.

Both parties deeply commit to the process of loving. They choose their person every day, show up as much as they can, and fine-tune their approach often. (It’s awesome to see couples therapy becoming more of a norm.)

As February 14 arrives, let’s all commit to love being a verb.

Happy Valentine’s Day — or my other favorite flavors: Pal-entine’s or Gal-entine's day — to you and yours! ❤️

Humble Pie

There’s a fine divide between confidence and arrogance.

A few wins — you start feeling good. After many wins — you start feeling unstoppable.

But what comes up must come down. It’s not if, but when. And if you’ve bought into your success a bit too long, reality is quick to serve you some humble pie.

A reflection to myself: keep as even as possible through both valleys and peaks. No groaning when you take an L, and no gloating when you take a W.

Because the pie will go down easier that way. 🥧

Dishwasher

I’m finishing up my learning theme for January, and I listened to a wonderful NYT podcast on Sidney Poitier.

Mr. Poiter left a lasting legacy on acting — winning the first Oscar for Best Actor as a black man. But his start wasn’t so rosy…

He arrived in NYC penniless and homeless — sleeping on benches and charged for vagrancy. By chance, he decided to try out for a part at the American Negro Theater. He didn’t have much education, so he performs poorly in the audition because he couldn’t properly read the script.

The director says something that changes his life: “Stop wasting people’s time. Why don’t you go out and get yourself a job as a dishwasher or something?”

And at that moment, something snaps. Sidney recounts: “By the time I reached the corner, I had resolved that I would become an actor, only to prove to him that I was not just destined to be a dishwasher.”

Wesley Morris shares on the podcast: “He became an actor out of personal offense. It was not a dream. It wasn’t an ambition. It was to prove somebody wrong. I think he wanted to prove that he was more than this country at this point in his life was telling him he could be.”

The story after is one of legend. He goes back to the theater, pitches to be their maintenance guy if they let him watch the acting lessons and watch the productions. And he works and works and works.

Fast forward: he becomes someone that defines a generation and inspires generations.

Beautiful. And a good reminder that we are not only the actor — but also the author of our own story. Main character vibes!

Source: NYTimes

Solitude

I live alone for the first time in my adult life.

And wow — it’s been a huge shift in the way I think, act, and feel. Time and space move differently when you’re with yourself for extended periods.

But I’ve been thinking about the idea that if you are alone doesn’t mean you are lonely.

It’s a matter of framing. The story we tell ourselves counts so much on how we feel about it. We have full agency to treat our quiet time with meaning. (Not easy in practice.)

One of my favorite podcasts LifeKit shared an insight here: When we feel lonely, it's because our desire for company exceeds our ability to find it. If our desire for solitude exceeds our ability to find it, we can also struggle with feelings of discomfort.

Maggie Nelson writes thoughtfully in her poem: “I have been trying, for some time now, to find dignity in my loneliness. Loneliness is solitude with a problem.”

So take your space. Being alone doesn’t have to feel alone.

Fail ≠ Fell

I saw a fantastic tweet from Emmanuel Acho, former Texas & NFL linebacker turned broadcaster and author.

It’s only human to stumble. Again and again and again. But a stirring reminder to not equate falling with failing. Not easy in practice, but there’s a blessing somewhere.

All our blunders, bungles, fumbles, and flubs? They are only mistakes — if we don’t learn something.

Brush it off, chin up, and carry on. You got this!

Levels

Our first week into 2022! There is already a lot going on. Macro and micro forces may leave a lot of raw emotions.

As we process, a good reminder to sit with our feelings further. Most likely, there is a second-order thought beyond a first-order thought — if we give it enough time and space.

Are you angry? Or actually hurt?

Are you sad? Or actually lonely?

Are you scared? Or actually overwhelmed?

Don't believe everything you (first) think. Try out the Feeling Wheel to identify, and lean on your loved ones + therapist for help.

And as you climb the ladder into your soul, there may be a new level.

99%

Happy NYE! We’re 99% done with 2021. (Phew! Can you believe it?)

As we near the end, I think about the beginning. Something I’ve been doing the last few years is forgetting annual resolutions. Difficult to plan for a full year given so much inevitable change.

Rather, I’ve been doing monthly themes. It’s been more enjoyable and easier to work in smaller increments. 4 weeks to build yourself better. 4 weeks to start, stop, or continue something new.

Plus you can be kind to yourself if the month didn’t go as planned — there will always be a new month coming up!

Here are my themes for the next year:

Any themes you would like to try? Join me!

I wish you a brilliant and beautiful 2022. The best is yet to come!

I never knew

As the holiday arrives, it brings me joy to see many of us slow down. Relaxation, renewal, and rest are so important but often overlooked.

With this calmer pace, I also love the “fourth R” - reflection. How was your year, truly? A template that helps me contemplate is the YearCompass.

It’s a wonderful opportunity to acknowledge the aches, relish the revelations, and grin over growth.

I hope it leads to insight on how to take care of yourself better. And maybe there’s a moment when you say: “Wow, I never knew I needed this.”

The Edgers

In the last few weeks, I’ve been seeing a sports documentary: ‘Man in the Arena’. It highlights Tom Brady and his milestones in an exceptional football career. (It’s worth a watch from acclaimed director Gotham Chopra.)

I was struck by something: the culture of the 2004 Patriots team. Two of Brady’s teammates: Mike Vrabel and Teddy Bruschi called their team “The Edgers”.

What does that mean? They always strived to get an edge — even as teammates. Based on extreme trust & courage, they pushed each other to their maximum potential. Every practice was a ferocious battle on who could out-work, out-compete, and out-will each other.

Bruschi shares: “It wasn’t about the more you could do, it was who could do the most.” And it led to massive success: 14-2 record with a 2nd consecutive Super Bowl win.

It made me reflect: with the company you keep, who elevates you to your edge?

Source: ESPN & NFL

In a rush

I was on the subway yesterday, and I sat next to an artist: Ariel Cotton.

For the whole ride, she was sketching, doodling, tracing, and writing in a small, vanilla notebook with a lovely fountain pen. I asked her what she was working on, and she mentioned that she was drafting a comic.

But writing a comic is a messy process. She was testing out a bunch of different bits and pieces. Some stuck, but a lot didn’t. Her notebook had pages of scratch-offs, riffs, and “rubbish”. She mentioned it was her canvas to just experiment and experiment and experiment.

As a student of the creative journey, it warmed my heart. And it made me think of the quotation from British novelist Amelia Barr:

“Everything good needs time. Don’t do work in a hurry. Go into details; it pays in every way. Time means power for your work. Mediocrity is always in a rush; but whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing with consideration. For genius is nothing more nor less than doing well what anyone can do badly.”

So big gratitude to those who are not in a rush. A standing ovation to those who continue to wander.

Your work will be worth the wait.

There it is

We’re all working on something. An endeavor always in the making.

But man…but progress is hard. Twists and turns, switchbacks and backtracks, and ups and downs.

It’s taken years to find comfort that the journey is never linear, but always winding. Little by little becomes a lot — if you can give yourself enough grace and patience.

There are times I look back at my life and ask: What if I never kept going?

When all is said and done, there’s no greater feeling to step back, look at your work, and say…. “Wow, there it is.”

Credit: Liz & Mollie

Caritas

I read a word this week that moved me: Caritas.

With religious roots, the word directly translates from Latin to “charity.” But I am drawn to the deeper spirit of the word: “Selfless love of the humankind”

As David Perry & Matthew Gabrielle write: “Caritas is a type of love that thinks more about others than oneself. It's simply to ‘wish good to someone.’ “

On a day like today, I’m reminded how deeply this matters — to love freely and fully. We all need each other. We all need our community. We all need caritas.

And for that, I’m grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! Much love.

Meatspace

You can’t step far without hearing about the metaverse. It’s the biggest buzzword to enter our zeitgeist!

I read this fantastic article from Noah Smith about what this all means. (Hat tip to Rohan R. for the share.)

I was drawn to Noah’s comparison between the meatspace and the metaspace. The former is what we’ve known for thousands of years. The latter is what’s coming (or what may already be here).

For me, the in-world meetups are so fulfilling and valuable. There’s nothing like a warm coffee or long dinner in reality. (And don’t get me started on what feels like Tomb of Zoom somedays...)

So I’m both equally curious and hesitant on the metaverse. Because the “meatspace” is pretty darn delightful. What do you think?

The Cow and the Lion

This tweet made me laugh & reflect:

Most people work like COWS. Standing in the field all day, grazing grass slowly. Rather, try to work like a LION. Sit, wait for prey, sprint. eat/enjoy, rest & repeat.

Pre-pandemic, it definitely felt like bovine-based work. 9-5. 5 days a week. In an office.

Post-pandemic, that model has transformed — and remote/hybrid work has changed the equation for so many people. You can choose to sprint more readily, based on what works for you.

For me, that means making thinking fast in the morning (creative and critical thinking) and then resting slow in the evening (email and meetings).

How can you change up your approach from less “Moo-Moo” 🐮 to more “Mufasa”? 🦁