Amigos
Friendship is such an essential part of our life — but interestingly, we stop nurturing these connections as we age.
From the Atlantic this month, writer Jennifer Senior pens an illuminating essay on friendship:
“When you’re in middle age, you start to realize how very much you need your friends. They’re the flora and fauna in a life that hasn’t had much diversity, because you’ve been so busy—so relentlessly, stupidly busy—with middle-age things: kids, house, spouse, or some modern-day version of Zorba’s full catastrophe.
Then one day you look up and discover that the ambition monkey has fallen off your back; the children into whom you’ve pumped thousands of kilowatt-hours are no longer partial to your company; your partner may or may not still be by your side. And what, then, remains? With any luck, your friends.
Friendship is the rare kind of relationship that remains forever available to us as we age. It’s a bulwark against stasis, a potential source of creativity and renewal in lives that otherwise narrow with time.”
And the sobering reality: if we don’t tend to our relationship garden, they quickly wither.
So what can we do? Moving to a new city, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about friendships: creating, fostering, and maintaining them — both new and old. A few things that I’m reading and trying:
Anchoring with Interests: Find a common interest to underscore your relationship: a show, sport, artist, game, or food. And plan things or have chats around that topic. I look at different events a few months ahead and then connect with people who could be interested in them, so we can enjoy them together.
Think → Connect: Whenever you think of someone, text them. My mom is fantastic at this; she’s shown me that you shouldn’t worry too much about what you say, but just that you do it. Another tip was to be more participatory in social media; just don’t look at their Facebook & Instagram; comment on their Feed posts & respond to their Stories to start a dialogue.
IRL (In Real Life): If you’re like me, some of your closest friends live a thousand miles away. But with a little planning, you can make time to see them in person — even for a weekend once a year. That time is absolutely magical and will be rocket fuel for your relationship. Doing your best to show up and see them is worth every penny.
This little marble we live on is only for a moment, and it’s just a heck of a lot more enjoyable if we do it with people we love.
How are you making space for your amigos del corazón? 👬