Majoring in the Minors

I’ve been reflecting on health & fitness recently. It’s been a series of crests and troughs over the last 20 years.

I know it’ll be a lifelong journey of learning & experimentation. Something I’ve learned in the last decade is to avoid majoring in the minors.

I have read articles, watch videos, and hear podcasts. All to ad nauseam. This snowballed into a cycle of the minutia of “small hacks” or “tweaks” to see results faster.

It was difficult to sustain anything beyond basic fundamentals. I’ve tried to implement these simple 80/20 rules that I read a long time ago.

• Doing some movement in the day. Trying to walk & take the stairs when I can.

• Having some form of progression over time in your training. Tracking growth via the Strong app (highly recommend) and my Apple watch.

• Eating an appropriate amount of calories and protein. Letting go of breakfast, managing emotional eating through better snacks (grapes!), and removing binge-inducing food (aka getting individually wrapped sweets).

• Getting enough sleep, rest, and recovery from training. Using natural light to wake up vs. an alarm.

• Consistency over time. And using my calendar to help keep me accountable.

My ultimate goal is to work with my body, not against it. And trusting my body will show up if I treat it fairly & gently.

How are you thinking about this space in 2022?

Be done with it

I am fond of this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson below: Be done with it.

I’m a chronic nostalgic. I tend to ruminate about the past a lot — especially on situations that went awry. And I find myself getting caught up in old feelings of anxiety and worry by reliving situations.

Yes, it’s good to reflect and find the learning; but a constant rehash feels more hurtful than helpful.

There’s something to be said for ‘letting the day go.’ After some rest, tomorrow you can start again.

Be curious, not furious.

It’s tough to get negative feedback.

I’ve been in scenarios when I “see red” — feeling defensive and annoyed. My fury gets the better of me, and I lash out. And any sort of amenable resolution immediately breaks down.

What can we do? I heard this adage that made me reflect: Be curious.

It’s almost a meditative reminder to collect ourselves before the emotions bubble up. A simple way to pause, breathe, and ask: “Tell me more.”

Acknowledge a rise is happening and take a time-out. “Hey, can I come back to you in a little? I feel myself getting irritated.” And then using the extra time to de-escalate and process — whatever that means (writing it out, taking a shower, getting a snack.)

If we take on the attitude of discovery vs anger, it may lead to softer, gentler outcomes.

Benevolence

We all have wonderful gifts to give this world. They come in many shapes & sizes, and I’m thankful we’re all so different. That means there are so many ways to give!

But there’s one universal gift that I keep coming back to: benevolence.

It takes no money, no prior skills, no genetic predisposition, and honestly: not much effort. But my goodness: it can catalyze a wonderful positive change in anyone’s life. Perhaps even save someone.

There’s a saying: “Don't add to anyone’s burden.” But if you have a disposition to kindness, you may be able to lift their burden entirely.

So a reminder to myself: there are so many ways to give, but always start with the heart.

The time chooses you

This week, I finished reading A Promised Land — an intimate & introspective memoir by President Barack Obama on the first two years of his presidency.

Fitting enough, I’m visiting Chicago this weekend — where Obama started as a lawyer + organizer and continued his climb to the highest office.

I thoroughly enjoyed his reflections in his book — how emotions and logic underscored his thinking, how the pressure of the job affected his family, and how difficult it was to navigate a petulant political climate.

One of my favorite passages was early in the book. Obama was struggling with the decision of running for President. Senator Ted Kennedy shares a thought with him that changes the course of history:

”But you don’t choose the time. The time chooses you. Either you seize what may turn out to be the only chance you have, or you decide you’re willing to live with the knowledge that the chance has passed you by.”

There will be a handful of once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that arrive at our doorstep. I pray we all have the strength & boldness to recognize it and take the shot!

Leap before you look

My Aaji would have been 85 today.

I am remembering her with fondness — from her lovely laugh & sincere smile.

There’s a wonderful story that I think about a lot. Coming from a strict upbringing, she grew up in a family with proper rules & decorum. One must always follow a certain path.

This included relationships. In that generation, marriages were likely arranged in your specific community. And if somehow was a love marriage, it was customary for the men to court & eventually propose.

But when she met my grandfather (Dadaji) — everything changed. It wasn’t arranged and he wasn’t from her community. My Aaji? She decided to make her own rules. She confidently proposed to him: “We should get married.” And they were together for ~60 years.

Amazing courage & faith in an uncommon time. Sometimes in life, you have to leap before you look. Love you Aaji!

Managing the Drip

I’ve been trying to be more mindful of addictive forces in the last month.

One is my relationship with technology. These are triggers that cause a spike in dopamine aka the “the drip” — such as alerts, notifications, badges, and endless scrolling.

Like a slot machine, I was repeatedly pulled back into my devices to numb myself from an emotion: anxiety, boredom, or malaise.

Some of the changes I’ve been trying to implement:

• No red badges: It was intoxicating to see the counter go up, especially on social apps that doled out “likes” or “comments”. Turning these off and seeing a clean screen allowed me to choose apps I wanted to go to, versus being told to go into.

• Reducing push notifications: I had this compulsive need to look at my phone for any notification, especially a text. I took a hard look at what I really need to be notified immediately vs. in summary.

• Removing home-screen apps: When I opened my phone, I immediately looked at app icons that pirated my screen time. Starting at these apps made me wonder what content I was missing. Hiding these away from my home screen was a forcing function to help break the spell of wonder.

It’s been a winding road, and I definitely break down on many days. But I am trying to build my tech environment to move from pure willpower (which fails constantly) to strong systems.

Any steps you’ve taken to detox from the drip?

Superman

I recently stumbled upon a song that I loved: Superman by Five for Fighting.

The singer John Ondrasik takes the perspective of Superman, the most powerful comic-book being, speculating on his humanness. An invincible hero who also struggles with doubt, pain, and worry. Here are some of the lyrics:

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream?
And it's not easy to be me.

It was a nostalgic moment for me. I remember listening to it 15 years ago and reflecting on the duality of life. Happy people could be suffering invisibly. Normal folks could be fighting demons.

It made me remember a lovely quotation: “Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” We’ve all been blessed with kindness to pull us up when we needed it most. Saved by a hero in plain clothes.

How can you pay it forward this week? 🦸🏻‍♂️

Regret

I’m a big fan of Daniel Pink, and I’ve enjoyed his latest work: 'The Power of Regret'.

Pink surveyed thousands of people to understand the pillars of regret. He distilled it into 4 main categories:

• Connection - “If only I’d reached out. “ This is when relationships fray — either from a sudden rip or a gradual drift. A connection that was once intact no longer is.

• Foundation - “If only I’d done the work.” This is when we put short-term gains over long-term payoffs, such as skipping school or not saving enough.

• Boldness - “If only I’d taken that risk.” This is when we lack the courage to act, such as failing to start a business or never taking a chance on a romantic interest.

• Moral - “If only I’d done the right thing.” This is when we act on what our conscience says is the wrong path - such as betrayal or infidelity. These regrets scar us the most and last the longest.

He mentions how most of us try to follow a path of regret minimization: “No regrets”. But that’s a perfectionist mentality where we’re likely to be disappointed.

Regrets will naturally occur; we just need to harness the learning. We should practice:

1. Self-disclosure: Relieve your burden. Write it out on paper so you can read your feelings and properly reflect.

2. Self-compassion: Reframe your thinking. Know it’s not an innate flaw, but a misstep. Treat yourself like we would treat a friend - with kindness and grace.

3. Self-distance: Remove the rancor. Allow yourself some perspective — how would your future self look at this in 10 years? What would another person in your shoes do?

Pink sums it up nicely: “If you are dealing with one of the four core regrets, project yourself to a specific point in the future and ask yourself which choice will most help you connect with others, build a solid foundation, take a sensible risk, or do the right thing.” 🔮

Elvis

I was mesmerized by Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis. A fantastic biopic on the rock&roll legend.

It painted a stunning but sobering picture of singer & actor who transformed a generation of music for eternity. But also someone who battled the forces of fame that came with it.

It was sad to see those in his circle also take advantage of his stardust, especially his manager Colonel Tom Parker. It reminded me how important to be careful of the company you keep: “Don’t blame the clown, blame the circus.”

Nevertheless, seeing Mr. Presley (portrayed immaculately by Austin Butler) continue to perform & persevere all the way to the very end left me with goosebumps.

In his final years, Elvis shares: “I learned very early in life that: 'Without a song, the day would never end; without a song, a man ain't got a friend; without a song, the road would never bend - without a song. ' So I keep singing a song. Goodnight.”

Divine

This week, I got to spend with my first cousins. It’s been half a decade since we’ve all been together!

And my goodness, it was divine.

We had a few big plans, but so much of the fun was in the unplanned: laughing on the couch, chatting at the counter, and jamming in the car.

In fact, doing nothing felt like everything. I’m thankful for this little slice of heaven! ❤️

What I Got

So much of life is self-discovery.

A humbling process where we 1) acknowledge our weaknesses and 2) appreciate our strengths. But as you go through this, it’s hard sometimes to shake that feeling that we aren’t enough.

I was reflecting on this over the last few months. So I wrote a song: ‘What I Got’ to underscore the opposite: we DO have everything we need inside of us.

Here are some of the lyrics:

I am what I got, I know that's a lot.

Bright and bold and stronger, I'm bigger than I thought.

I am what I got, and I know that’s a lot.

Kind and free and happy, that's what I was taught.

Huge appreciation to my good friend Shreyas Panda for his collaboration and production. Check out some of his incredible music!

Float

I watched a segment from Rabbi Steve Leader on grief. Worth a watch in full, but I appreciated how he recategorized grief from stages to waves.

Rather than a process that’s linear, he mentioned grief feels like the ocean. In the beginning, waves of grief will hit you frequently. But over time, the waves will spread over weeks & months. A wave will still come once in a while, and that’s okay.

When it comes, don’t face and fight the wave. It’ll crash into you, knock you around, and leave you disheveled and gasping.

His approach is to float. Let the wave wash over you; feel the rise of the swell, the peak of the crest, and the fall of the trough.

And once it passes, take all the time you need to stand up again. 🌊

Awing & Honoring

For the people we love, we have to learn to love. Likely a journey we do for our entire life.

Something I stumbled upon that I really like: continue to awe and honor your partner.

What that means to me is 1) be enchanted at their wonderful strengths and 2) be patient with their opportunities.

There’s something magical about surprise & delight. Perhaps a mindset to hold to keep the good going. Happy June!

Wobble

So much sad news has happened in the past few weeks. Especially in Uvalde, Buffalo, and Ukraine. Anger, grief, and pain can flood us or may take the form of numbness too.

With so much going on, you’re bound to feel wobbly. It’s hard to find sure footing when the world shifts like lava under us.

A reminder to all of us to make space for whatever we’re feeling. Find the sanctuary you need to rest, renew and reflect.

And then find something you can control — perhaps with action or service.

In times like this, I remember this soothing quotation from Mother Teresa: “Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.”

Class Act

There are people in our life that are flat-out outstanding. And the word that comes to me when I meet them: class act.

It’s the impeccable focus on the “class” part that draws my admiration. Classy people are intentional about a) who they are and b) how they do it. They give grace, love kindly, follow-through, and stand for something.

A quotation that I read recently made me think of these types of folks:

“Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress. Don’t strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt.”

Remember yourself

In all types of relationships, there’s usually some sacrifice. And for many of us, that could mean suppressing our own wants, needs, and feelings.

This can lead to unhealthy tradeoffs — and if too one-sided, could push us to swing wildly to another fixed mindset: “Always put yourself first” or “My way or the highway.”

But I like this new affirmation that is softer & kinder: “Remember yourself.”

That means you can still consider your loved ones, but also deeply consider your own thoughts and feelings. It’s a beautiful thing to take care of others, but equally beautiful to take care of ourselves.

Rest Ethic

I was reading a fantastic blog post from author & journalist Kevin Kelly: 103 Bits of Advice. He turned 70 and shared bits of wisdom from a life well-lived.

It’s worth a read in full, but I loved this one in particular:

“Efficiency is highly overrated; Goofing off is highly underrated. Regularly scheduled sabbaths, sabbaticals, vacations, breaks, aimless walks and time off are essential for top performance of any kind. The best work ethic requires a good rest ethic.”

A hardened work ethic is lauded by many — the coffee-infused, all-night sprints. And it’s true that putting in the hours unlocks great outcomes. But there’s a natural limit — too much for too long leads to diminishing returns.

We need to take care of ourselves for true sustained performance. It should be prioritized as much as other things on our to-do list.

So to be all well, we need to rest well.

Clear is Kind

As we navigate personal & professional relationships, I heard an adage from my sister-in-law Rachita that stuck with me.

Clear is kind.

It’s a lovely way how to approach situations — especially the tricky ones. Being clear on how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking builds safety and connection. This is hard. True vulnerability can create a few aches and bumps, but also can be extremely freeing & loving.

A house built on real & raw truth can weather a lot of ups and downs and makes the journey so much sweeter.

So if we’re looking to care more, perhaps it’s time to be more clear.

The Harder Right

My dad and I visited West Point last weekend, the distinguished U.S. military academy in the Hudson Valley.

It was extraordinary to see what cadets go through to become an officer — fortifying themselves in mind, body, and spirit to prepare for a demanding career in the armed services and beyond.

I was drawn to a particular phrase in the Cadet Prayer: “Make us to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong.”

We all face crossroads in our life where a decision is hugely consequential. When the stakes are high and risky, it’s easy to loosen our moral code to take the convenient choice. But the strength to do the hard thing that you know in your heart — even when no one is looking — is a quality I will always admire.

My gratitude to “The Long Gray Line” of West Point graduates who lead us to be better.