Regret
I’m a big fan of Daniel Pink, and I’ve enjoyed his latest work: 'The Power of Regret'.
Pink surveyed thousands of people to understand the pillars of regret. He distilled it into 4 main categories:
Connection - “If only I’d reached out. “ This is when relationships fray — either from a sudden rip or a gradual drift. A connection that was once intact no longer is.
Foundation - “If only I’d done the work.” This is when we put short-term gains over long-term payoffs, such as skipping school or not saving enough.
Boldness - “If only I’d taken that risk.” This is when we lack the courage to act, such as failing to start a business or never taking a chance on a romantic interest.
Moral - “If only I’d done the right thing.” This is when we act on what our conscience says is the wrong path - such as betrayal or infidelity. These regrets scar us the most and last the longest.
He mentions how most of us try to follow a path of regret minimization: “No regrets”. But that’s a perfectionist mentality where we’re likely to be disappointed.
Regrets will naturally occur; we just need to harness the learning. We should practice:
Self-disclosure: Relieve your burden. Write it out on paper so you can read your feelings and properly reflect.
Self-compassion: Reframe your thinking. Know it’s not an innate flaw, but a misstep. Treat yourself like we would treat a friend - with kindness and grace.
Self-distance: Remove the rancor. Allow yourself some perspective — how would your future self look at this in 10 years? What would another person in your shoes do?
Pink sums it up nicely: “If you are dealing with one of the four core regrets, project yourself to a specific point in the future and ask yourself which choice will most help you connect with others, build a solid foundation, take a sensible risk, or do the right thing.” 🔮