Buy This, Not That

I read an incredible financial management book: Buy This, Not That from Sam Dogen, aka the Financial Samurai.

His goal is to “slice through money’s mysteries,” and I found so many interesting tidbits. Here are some of my favorites:

• Make 70/30 decisions. Think of life in probabilities vs binaries. There are never 100% decisions. The 70/30 philosophy states that you should seek to make a decision only if you have at least a 70% probability of making an optimal decision. Focus decisions in this range of comfort.

• Focus on the FI in FIRE. Your goal is to work because you want to, not because you have to. Nobody yearns to retire from work they enjoy doing. To be truly financially independent, you need 20X your gross income in net worth. Think of yourself as the chief investment officer and chief risk officer of your own finances.

• Car Buying: 1/10 Rule. Spend no more than 10% of your annual gross income on a car. That’s the safest way never to buy too much “car” that you can’t afford.

• House Buying: 30/30/3 Rule. Aim to own the place you live, especially in a low-cost living area where you plan to stay long-term. Follow three tips to avoid stress:

  • Rule 1: Spend no more than 30% of your gross income on a monthly mortgage payment

  • Rule 2: Have at least 30% of home value saved up in cash assets. (20% down payment + 10% in cash for furniture, repairs, and insurance).

  • Rule 3: Limit the value of your home to no more than 3X your annual household gross income.

• Career: Don’t quit, ask to be laid off. High-performing individuals may want to request a layoff instead of quitting. By offering to hire your replacement and giving a 3-month notice (versus 2 weeks), you can ask to receive severance, extend benefits, and continue deferred compensation like stock.

It’s always refreshing to learn new thinking about money. What other tips do you have for building your financial house? 💰

Blessing <> Lesson

“We met for a reason. Either you’re a blessing or a lesson.” – Frank Ocean

Wow, what a healthy reminder. Our lives are filled with all types of people — those who love us dearly and those who… don’t.

Both are important. The former are gifts, and the latter are teachers. And each group leaves an indelible imprint that serves us in some way or another.

Great White Shark

I saw something fun & motivational on Twitter. One of the writers I follow: Codie Sanchez, mentioned a quote her husband shares when she is feeling down:

“Are you a good white shark? Or a great white shark?”

Great white sharks are great for a reason. 2.5 tons, 20 feet, 300 serrated teeth— they command the ocean as the largest predatory fish.

Carcharodon carcharias has nothing to prove. And we’re no different. A killer instinct lives inside all of us. It takes the right alchemy to bring it out - but it’s there when you need it.

Sometimes it takes a gentle nudge: You’re not just good; you’re great. 🦈

8 Rules of Love

I recently finished 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty and enjoyed it a lot. It was an instructive read on how to practice and nurture love.

Here are some insights that I appreciated:

• There’s a ‘you’ before, a ‘you’ during, and a ‘you’ after every relationship. Spend time in solitude developing a relationship with yourself. Learn your own needs, boundaries, and triggers — and practice self-soothing and self-supporting. We don’t want to treat our partners like human Advil to restore us.

• We all want to grow old together, but we forget to give significance to the growing part. Aim to look at your +1 as a guru, not a god. Work with your partner to understand their goals and what they need to get there. But remember: wanting to help should not be confused with wanting to control. Don’t force your timeline on them for their goals. You want a partnership, not ownership.

• The only successful argument is when we both win. When dealing with conflict, the goal is not to score a victory. Every time one of you loses, you both lose. Every time the problem loses, you both win. Understand your partner’s way of fighting and try to use PEACE (Place and Time, Expression, Anger Management, Commitment, Evolution). The best apology is changed behavior.

• The greatest way to experience love is to give it. Spreading love everywhere you go is the best way to feel more love in your life, and that’s not just with your romantic partner. Look for little areas you can ask yourself: “How can I give love today?" — your capacity to love will increase tenfold. And you’ll feel the wonderful sensation of a helper’s high or giver’s glow.

And something I’ve internalized over the years: when you love someone, always tell them.

What are your tips for building healthy, happy relationships? 💖

Kintsugi

I was watching Ted Lasso this week and heard a word that I loved: Kintsugi.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that by embracing flaws, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.

It’s a 400-year-old technique that highlights the "scars" as a part of the design. The idea is that breakage and repair is part of the history of an object; rather than something to disguise — aka “golden repair.”

This resonated. Our imperfections are just strands of beauty. When stepping back, they can make something lovely.

100%

We would all love to give our best in everything we do. Full tilt. Maximum output. One hundred percent.

But there are days or weeks that just sap our energy. We find ourselves in low power mode — our tank filled up a quarter. And we feel still feel bad when we can’t give ourselves fully.

I saw this graphic that reframed my thinking: When you only have 40%, and you give 40%, you gave 100%.

What an incredible way to give yourself grace. Realizing that effort is effort. Even when it feels like nothing, it’s something.

XXXIII

I turned 33 last week. (A palindrome in both decimal and binary!) Some reflections:

• 💭 Don’t believe everything you think. Your mind will always take care of you, but sometimes it does too much. I’ve been my own worst enemy at times, fighting with myself on why I’m not good enough. I’m learning to be friends with the voice inside my head.

• 📏 Measure once, cut once: I want to get better at balancing planning and execution. There are times I’ve gone too fast (cut too early) or too slow (measured twice). Both led to poor outcomes in my projects. A reminder to make a solid plan, don’t over-engineer it, and just GO.

• 💙 Start gently, end gracefully. We hold ourselves up to impossible standards. And when we stumble, our first reaction is to lambast. There’s so much worth in treating ourselves with love. Be gentle with yourself. And when our loved ones stumble too, give them grace. Forgive them, learn together, and start again.

Grateful for the blessings of the past year and thankful for the gifts ahead in the new year!

1-on-1

I’ve been spending time in my hometown in the last few weeks. I’m blessed to have so many loved ones here.

My brother and I are planning an event so we can see everyone and catch up. But as I reflected, was it really a “catch up”? At best, I’d hear about the topline topics: work, family, trips, etc. But at worst, it would feel shallow — I don’t actually know about their life.

So I planned a lot more individual hangouts. It’s been lovely — we can truly ask and answer the question: How are you really doing? And spend the time discovering the deep grooves.

Grateful to always leave these chats with a full cup. So when it comes to folks I care about, a good reminder to myself to think small… and take them for coffee. ☕️

Curve That Line Back

I liked this piece by cartoonist Dave Kellett: Your Life is a Line.

He reflects on silver linings. Setbacks are normal and common — things will eventually go awry.

But being knocked down is different from being knocked out; it’s always an opportunity. It can clarify what we want, where we want to go, and with whom we want to do it.

Understanding what life has given us may take months. But time heals. And we will soon be ready to draw a new page.

Can we turn a curve ball into a curve blessing?

Source; Dave Kellett

Doing That

I liked this tweet from Richard Ngo:

I often look at people's achievements and think: I wish I'd done that. More rarely, I see the work that went into those achievements and think: I wish I were doing that.

It’s natural to glamorize the finish line. The folks who summit are the most admirable.

But every race had months of practice. Every climb had days of work. Every overnight success was 10 years in the making.

A good pinch-me reminder to fall in love with the work that got there. The rest takes care of itself.

Fun

Getting good means getting comfortable with patience. Showing up — again and again and again — over a long period of time begets results.

But as the process grinds on, motivation fluctuates, and it’s discipline that carries us the rest of the way. But does it always have to be a slog? I was reflecting on some of my goals, and I wondered: “How can I make this fun?”

Miraculously, it seems I can shake off the fatigue & irritation when I’m doing something enjoyable. But there’s always a “compelling” reason to avoid or stop the work for everything else.

Some things I’m trying are: 1) paying myself $5 every workout for a bigger purchase down the road, 2) stretching in the shower where my muscles are warm and relaxed, and 3) joining a choir to sing in a group versus tackling it alone.

So far, it’s revitalized a lot of my energy. How are you injecting delight in the drudgery?

I Wouldn't

I saw this great piece from Ron Lim, a poet who writes musings on Coffee Shop Writings.

I’m drawn to his thinking here. He wouldn’t start over, because everything happens for a reason.

Hard things are natural. But we can handle hard better, knowing there’s always a chance to begin again.

No need to go back. You are what comes next.

Inside Job

At some level, we chase fulfillment, peace, and happiness.

For so long, I looked to others to fill that cup for me. And rightfully so, our circle adds so much light and love to our lives.

But I’ve realized so much joy can be discovered not far from home. The person who can soothe, comfort, and support … has been with me all along.

A good reminder to myself: Happiness is an inside job.

Enroll Them

There are many unspoken rules at work. And it’s been an ongoing process that I’m continuing to learn.

An example? How to influence — especially when you’re not in a position of power. I read a post by founder Tom Chavez that made me reflect. He writes: Don’t tell people what to do, enroll them in your plan.

It’s the idea that people won’t always listen to your what but be intrigued by the why. Leading with the goal, how your proposal ladders up to it, and how it will benefit them. And repeat it often; don’t expect it to sink in the first couple of conversations. Inspire with the vision of where you’re going rather than tell people what to do.

A good reminder from Tom: “Succeeding in business was a dialectic, a continuous process of shaping and discussing and becoming.”

P.S. It’s been difficult to see so many wonderful people affected by layoffs and reductions. Being let go is awful, and my heart is with many of you. Sending a lot of comfort to those affected.

Interested

We can all work on our relationship-building skills. Friends, family, colleagues, partners — there are always ways we can improve.

For a long time, I believed I needed to be interesting for folks to connect with me. Have cool hobbies, a great career, and perhaps a little mystery in who I am. Only then could I foster bonds that weren’t superficial.

But as I got older, I realized something else. It’s better to be interested. True curiosity about a person’s story. If we are authentically attentive, we can form a closeness that’s deep and durable.

A good lesson to understand than to be understood.

Song of Joy

I saw a wonderful play this past week: Song of Joy.

It’s written and acted by Carol Mazhuvancheril — who writes an autobiographical story of his life transitioning from Kerala, South India to other places in the world. He struggles with his own identity and finding “home” in different environments.

What I thought was most fascinating was his commentary on his relationship with his immigrant parents. He writes: “children of immigrants often have to balance what they owe their parents with what they owe themselves.”

Many of my generation go through this dilemma - and it’s a delicate balance. We want to honor our parents: their sacrifice and boldness; but we also want to light our own path that may never fit their worldview. It’s a lifelong process of discovery and self-unfoldment.

For those in similar situations: how have you navigated this balancing act?

Engineer's Mindset

Happy 2023! Many of us are embarking on a fresh slate of goals. Resolutions get a bad wrap, but I believe there’s power in a ‘temporal landmark’––a fresh start where you can separate the past from the present.

In this journey, here’s a thought that I liked: have an artist’s ambition but an engineer’s mindset.

First, dream big like an artist. Weirdly enough, visualize failure. What obstacles you could face? Where could you stumble? Then like an engineer, dissect these issues and build your process. Every input, every action. Reframe your identity and environment.

Be impatient with your actions, but be patient with the results. And give yourself grace: it’s better to be consistently good than occasionally perfect. Anything is better than nothing.

Will be rooting for you this year! How are you engineering your plan?

Let You Go

As 2022 winds down, I’m grateful for another trip around the sun on this beautiful marble. A good time to reflect too.

My favorite tool to do this is the YearCompass booklet. It takes a few hours, but it’s a terrific way to honor your milestones. Some of my favorite questions:

- What’s the wisest decision you made this year?
- What’s the biggest lesson you learned?
- What is the best thing you discovered about yourself?

There’s also space to forgive yourself. To acknowledge any scar tissue and be done with it.

Let go of the past. It’ll let you go too. Have a fantastic 2023.

The Long Haul

The holidays are here! As we gather together, I am thankful that many of us can be with our loved ones. (And for those who are apart, I hold you in my heart.)

The journey will always be trying and messy. A special appreciation to the people willing to take on the ride with us. Those who extend refuge. Those who give us a safe harbor. Those who comfort, nourish, and watch over us.

Those who love for the long haul. Happy Christmas.

P.S. I’m especially grateful to meet my new little niece, Asha. The best gift for our family!

Comfort vs. Counsel

There have been a few stumbles this year. And times when I’ve been totally knocked down. It’s only natural in the rhythm of life. But still painful nevertheless.

When you’re stuck at the bottom, there’s no shame in reaching out for help. You would move mountains for your loved ones too.

But before I ask for or give support, I love this thought exercise: “Do I/they need comfort or counsel?” In many cases, providing answers can be ineffectual. Most times we already know the answer; it’s just hard to bear right now. Asking the question directly can match our best intent with what they need.

For the majority of cases, starting with comfort can actually be the most caring. The power of “I hear you, I see you, and I’m with you.” is extraordinary. This a reminder to myself to remember to soothe, before starting to solve.