Brainwriting

This week at work, I was part of some strategy sessions. We were tasked to think through the future of our business.

A lot of blue-sky thinking. We had to step back and brainstorm all possible horizons. As I was reflecting on my career, a typical brainstorm…didn’t go that well.

Whenever someone scheduled one, it was just cross-talk where the loudest voices got the most airtime. And that silenced other key voices, missing out on a huge opportunity. Not super effective.

But what we’ve done at our company—and has taken shape in the last few years—is brainwriting. The meeting lead (or team) puts together a doc with all their thinking. And then everyone is given a pre-read - plus 15 minutes to silently read during the meeting. Folks write ideas and comments directly in the doc independently and asynchronously.

It does three things: 1) lets all comments have equal standing, 2) allows thinking to flourish when it makes sense for the attendee, and 3) captures everything in written form to process later. A triple win!

Fantastic way to move from a messy storm to a clearer sky.

Credit: @researchdoodles by Marissa Solomon Shandell

Hidden Potential

I finished a book this past week: Hidden Potential by Adam Grant. Dr. Grant is an organizational psychologist and professor at Wharton.

The book dives into how anyone can rise to achieve greater things. He explores practical strategies and system design to cultivate traits and create opportunities for hidden potential to blossom.

Sharing a few nuggets that spoke to me:

• Build character skills. Personality is how you respond on a typical day, and character is how you respond on a hard day. When opportunity doesn’t knock, look to build a door — or climb through a window. Talent determines where you start, but character determines how far you climb.

• Set a mistake budget. Grant reviewed research on polyglots — people who can speak multiple languages — and asked how people learn so many languages. His finding? Put yourself in the ring before you’re ready. And give yourself a mistake budget. “I will mess up 10 times” so you ruminate less.

  • You don’t need to get comfortable before you practice. Your comfort grows as you practice.

• Ask for advice, not feedback. Feedback is backward-looking and focuses on criticism/celebration of the past. Advice is forward-looking and gives people the ability to coach you.

  • A good tip. Find credible, caring people familiar with your work. Ask them to score your work from 1 to 10. Then ask, “How can I get this closer to a 10 next time? What’s one thing I can do better?"

• Getting unstuck. When you’re languishing, reframe your approach. Can you make it fun? Can you do something different? Are you taking rest? This is not a waste of time but an investment in well-being.

• Combating imposter syndrome: The way you talk to yourself is vital. A good way to flip your thinking when you doubt yourself: use “yet”.

  • Imposter syndrome: “I don’t know what I’m doing; it’s only a matter of time until everyone finds out.”

  • Growth mindset: “I don’t know what I’m doing yet. It’s only a matter of time until I figure it out.”

We all hope to live up to our potential (and hopefully, exceed it.)

But as Grant concludes: The ultimate mark of potential is not the height of the peak you’ve reached, but the distance you’ve traveled—and helped others travel.

What I'm Hearing

I had a work scenario this week that had some tension. I dropped the ball on a project with a colleague, leaving a sour taste in our mouths. I decided to meet with this person.

I took them for a coffee, shared an apology, and built a plan forward. I felt we both left that conversation with trust.

What helped me was a tip I heard from a leader. You can listen, but don’t forget to hear. Tell them what you heard.

Listening is receiving, but hearing is processing. In this situation, I received feedback when we met. Rather than jumping to respond, I tried saying: “Here’s what I’m hearing: A, B, C. Is that right?”

It did a few things: I could honor the feedback properly and process it by saying it aloud. Then shift to tactics to move forward. A healthier feedback loop to get to a growth mindset.

"Action!" vs "Okay..."

I saw an interesting clip of filmmaker Clint Eastwood discussing his directing style.

Most directors use the phrase “Action!” to proceed with the shot and cue the actors to perform. But Eastwood never says that. He uses a softer “Okay..” before he begins.

Why the shift? He explains: “Because “action” jars people’s nerves. I don’t want that. I want to start and get people at their very best. And that means keeping their nervous system under wraps.”

Such a nice example of how small changes can make a big difference. Tone, words, and delivery all matter in leadership to set people up for success.

Just Ship It

Happy New Year! I know many of us are excited to kick off 2024.

As someone fond of planning, I also want to ensure the opposite: acting.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to look amazing. It just needs to be enough for a great outcome.

A reminder to myself: don’t dawdle too long. Plan (to a point), build, and then just ship it. 🚢

Crowded Table

As 2023 closes, I hope all of you got to spend time with your loved ones in the last few weeks.

I liked this sentence that honored this sentiment:

“Success is having a crowded table. At the end of your life, success will be a family that comes together and spends time together and wants to be with you.”

At life's twilight, how lucky will you be with a table like this. The clinking of forks against plates, the belly laughs of children—with soft music and a warm meal.

What a wonderful thing to remember. Happy 2024!

Yukkuri

As we wind down the year and enter the holidays, I’m reminded of a lovely word: yukkuri.

Yukkuri is a Japanese for “slowly” or "leisurely.” The concept encourages people to find harmony and peace in their daily routines, urging them to savor each experience and moment rather than rushing through them.

For example, the Japanese embue this in sado (tea drinking) and ikebana (flower arranging). It’s a gentle invitation to step back from life and to embrace each moment with intention and tranquility.

Very fitting! Hope all of us can enjoy a little ゆっくり (yukkuri) before the end of the year — a period without haste.

Yes, and...

I’ve always been fond of improvisational comedy (or improv). The remarkable effect of creating art in real-time, weaving spontaneous reactions into something unexpected.

It’s been fun to dabble as a beginner, but seeing the masters at work is something else. Creating comedy from scratch with no plan or notes — and doing it live and making it funny? That’s pure talent.

One concept of improv that has stuck with me is “Yes, and…”. Simply put, you accept what another performer gives (with a ‘yes’) and build on it with a twist (with an ‘and’). No matter how bizarre the suggestion is — you never shut down a suggestion with a “but.”

Together, you keep the story moving forward, like writing a novel in turns. And it’s magical to see something beautiful (and surprisingly cohesive) come to bear when everyone trusts that process.

I was reflecting on how this concept can apply to our lives. So much randomness and chaos can reign down on us. If we fight and force it, it can cause the story to unravel. But if we can accept the offering of what’s given —no matter what — and run with it?

That’s a story that could have a sweet ending.

Art of Anticipation

As 2024 knocks, my mind drifts with plans. The details start to swirl: Timing? Location? Company?

It creates a curious feeling of excitement. This sentiment was confirmed when I read Brett & Kate McKay's post exploring the connection between experiences and dopamine.

They wrote: “The key is not just to do new things but to wait to do them. When you delay the gratification of your desire and can look forward to a concrete time at which it will be fulfilled, you allow the delicious pleasure of anticipation to slowly crescendo as it draws closer.”

They went further: plan out your leisure + recreation.

• Schedule "micro-adventures" for the week: a weekend hike or dinner date.

• Choose when you visit that bookstore and bakery that you’ve been meaning to go to — and organize it with a friend you haven’t seen in a little.

It resonated. Savor the build-up!

Source: Brett & Kate McKay

Ghost Ship

My path forked this week.

It’s a wonderful step, but I wondered: What If? The other branches. The different roads. And it made me reflect on a quote:

We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours.

It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.

Love that. For the ships of possibility—we can be curious, but don’t perseverate. No need to loop on the choice you made.

You’re in your current place for a reason. Take peace in that. 🚢

Trains

Happy Thanksgiving week! I trust many of us are excited to spend time with our community this holiday.

Speaking of gratitude, I often come back to how blessed we are to have people to love and people to love us.

All play various roles in our lives. This rang true when I read an excerpt from Professor Scott Galloway, who was reflecting on his 30-year friendship with Lee:

Lovely thought. We all need friends who can flip the script. Someone who can encourage you to think differently: march to a new beat or play with your left hand.

Life is meant to be lived. And the beautiful part is that it can be lived in many ways.

So here’s to making (and missing) trains. 🚂

Next to Love

I am remembering my Ajja today on his birthday. A gentle heart with a big laugh—such joy in his soul.

Memories are always bittersweet. With every cherished reflection, there is a touch of sadness. The empty chair in our home.

But as I sit with this feeling, I remember that sadness sits next to love. They’re not enemies but neighbors that mingle with care. Just like a painter who uses shadow and light to make a beautiful piece.

He would have been 90 today! Enjoying some happy tunes with my Ammamma. 🎶

Weather

A large part of this blog has been my journey to understand nuance in emotions. Never black and white, but shades of grey.

One concept that grounds me is that feelings are closer to weather. The blow in and out of your atmosphere — even if it takes time.

Constantly shifting and changing — a rainy AM can lead to a sunny PM.

The impermanence is comforting. It may feel better or worse, but at least you can count on it to be different. 🌤

Friends with Fright

Happy Halloween!

I have mixed feelings about this holiday. Costumes, trick-or-treating, pumpkin carving — they were fun. But I wondered if this was more or less a trivial pursuit?

As I’ve thought about it more recently, I like how it approaches an emotion difficult to understand: fear. At best, fear can protect us; but at worst, fear can debilitate us.

But Halloween can give us little moments to feel fear without being afraid. It celebrates an emotion that is typically pushed down. Going to a haunted house or watching a scary movie, we can experience fright in a safe way.

And like a good friend, we can seek to understand it. And maybe have a scary good time along the way. 👻

Sunlight Hunger

It’s been a beautiful few days in NYC this week. Crisp air, low dew points, and one of my favorite things: sunlight.

And it’s also critical for our health. Dr. Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist at Stanford, has been showing the strong science of using light.

He discusses how we can we can almost “starve” if we don’t get out and get some rays in. Some of his biggest lessons:

• Get morning sunlight. Aim to get at least 5-10 mins of sunlight exposure within the first hour of waking up and 15-20 mins on an overcast day. This will help you wake up and feel alert, boost your immune system, and help you sleep better at night.

• Get afternoon sunlight. This will help to regulate your circadian rhythm and make it easier to fall asleep at night. Aim to get at least 15-20 minutes. That afternoon walk is the real deal!

• Dim the lights at night. Avoid using bright lights, especially overhead lights, in the hours before bed. We’ve been using a blackout window shade — that has certainly helped improve sleep.

• Huge benefits. Sunlight exposure was found to increase testosterone and estrogen levels plus improve mood (learn more). Ideally, do it with a t-shirt and shorts to get the best effect!

Know for many this isn’t rocket science, but still a good reminder that just going back to the basics: being outside and moving a little can sate many of our needs. ☀️

Soft Enough

I’ve been enjoying Life’s a Game, a newsletter by Amanda Goetz. She’s a 2x founder & CMO plus a single mom of 3.

She writes about living a more meaningful and integrated life. And how she juggles her personal and professional demands. Amanda wrote something today that I loved:

“Be strong enough to do it alone, but soft enough to not want to.”

Wow. I’ve always believed in dust to dust. We come in and leave this world on our own. So it’s imperative to cultivate strength to manage independently.

But…even the strong need support. What’s stronger? Admit when we’re struggling and get help. It’s our community that can rally to lift us. You can do both — lean on yourself and your trusted circle — when the going gets tough.

Be soft to be strong.

Disagree

This week, I was thinking about two concepts: 1) disagreements and 2) changing minds. As someone who bristled against conflict, I’ve searched for ways to disagree and feel safe.

I’ve been drawn to how Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist, frames this thinking. One of his tips is to believe this thesis: Your ideas don’t make your identity.

When disagreeing with someone, we can ask better questions to make it safer: Is there a time you didn't hold this perspective? Would you be open to hearing an alternate view?

And through this process, our point of view can switch — even to the opposite side. And that’s okay. What’s key to remember: just because you changed your mind doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your principles.

A good reminder: the goal is not to prove ourselves but to improve ourselves.

Supra

Yesterday, Tanvi and I took an orange wine-tasting class. Fun fact: orange wines are white wines made like red wines! Their official name is skin-contact whites, where white grapes have been fermented with their skins.

A lot of orange wine is made in the country of Georgia. And usually enjoyed in a Georgian tradition of a supra. It’s a fancy feast with delicious food, flowing wine…and a toastmaster (tamada) to keep things lively.

The tamada is expected to keep the festivities moving — raising a toast, singing a song, and keeping things merry. Dinners can last multiple hours and can have even 100 guests at the table.

It made me smile. I’ve always loved long dinners. It was lovely to learn about another culture that honors this tradition. For me, ending the day with your loved ones is a blessing.

And do it with good food and great wine? What a treat.

Demons <> Fresh Air

I saw something I really liked this week.

Linn Ullmann, a Norwegian author and journalist, was reflecting on her father. She admired his attitude of getting ‘unstuck.”

“No matter what time you get out of bed, go for a walk and then work, he’d say, because the demons hate it when you get out of bed, demons hate fresh air. So when I make up excuses not to work, I hear his voice in my head: Get up, get out, go to your work.”

So much struggle happens between our ears. The devil’s workshop at full capacity. But a little change of scenery — the darkness can retreat. Enough to give some reprieve to keep fighting.

A reminder to myself: to defeat a demon, a little light can go a long way. 💡

Wonderful

My partner Tanvi and I moved in together. It’s been a step we’ve been thinking about for a while. Lots of preparation and discussion.

Admittedly, some fights too. It’s a process to adjust to a new rhythm of life — and we sometimes fall out of sync.

But coming home to someone you love? So special. The security of the anchor — starting the day and ending the day with each other — is more soothing than I could imagine.

It made me think of a quote: It doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

With any long-term relationship, there are always bumps, scratches, and imperfections.

But if I step back and reflect… wow, what a wonderful treat.