Apologizing is an art…..that we tend to botch.

But when done right, it can be immensely healing. Repairing trust and beginning anew starts with a genuine reparation.

What makes a great apology? Dr. Harriet Lerner mentions a couple of strong steps, but these resonated:

It’s the beginning, not the end.

We tend to hurriedly finish our apology, dust our hands, and move on. But with tougher situations, the feelings aren’t truly over.

We put the onus on the hurt recipient to bring it up again, where it should on us. So it’s our duty to check in beyond the first conversation: “I've been thinking about what happened. Are you feeling anything more?”

It fosters a healthier climate for a long-term conversation where the real healing begins.

Lower your armor and ammunition.

To protect ourselves, we sharpen our axe to react. As Dr. Lerner writes, “We listen for what we don't agree with, so we can defend ourselves and correct the facts.”

And then we bring our history book of previous transgressions from the relationship to fight fire with fire — and an argument isn’t far behind.

Both are ill-advised; rather, we should focus on their impact, regardless of why we did it (intention) and what came before it (past).

So…. is 🎶Is it too late to say I’m sorry? 🎶

Never too late, just (try to) do it right.