Hosting is a beautiful skill.

Great hosts can create an event that feels like a magical kingdom; where guests feel drawn into an enchanting, alternate universe filled with lasting memories — sometimes for life.

But what does it take to be a great host? I finished a terrific book that answers this: The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker — a master facilitator and organizer.

Some of my salient takeaways:

• Purpose: Be crisp & specific: Think about your event’s “why” — whether it’s ideating, celebrating, or remembering. Being very intentional helps with setting the right fit.

  • What is the social contract you're building with your guests? Don’t break it to them when they arrive; you need to prime them in advance.

• Guest List: Thoughtful exclusion: More the merrier isn’t great if it destroys purpose. It’s actually more generous and defining for the guests that do AND don’t come. Start with an intimacy gauge: Priya writes: “Choose the depth of the swimming pool - either deep end or shallow end. Either way, you're getting wet.”

  • Rule of thumb: 6 for forging deep discussion, 8-12 for liveliness, and 12-30 for a party that crackles with energy.

• Before the Event: Brand it & create intrigue: Start by giving your event an actual name that aligns with your purpose & people. (e.g. “Olivia’s Tiki Time 30th” vs. “My 30th bday!”). Before people step into your space, think about how you can create energy in advance. The clock starts as soon as guests are aware of the existence of the event.

  • For example, if you are hosting a cheese tasting, send a gift card for a local cheese shop for people to buy in advance. Or share a prompt or question for people to consider before they step in.

• During the Event: Don’t be chill: Many of us think we should let the event just flow. This is actually a terrible thing for your guests, as they are left to fumble around. Rather, it’s better to gently govern. From Priya: “Be bold - if you wan’t to be chill, go the Arctic.”

  • Your role: 1) protect time (e.g. start and close the event) 2) equalize everyone (e.g. no one’s voice should overtake another) and 3) connect (be active in creating glue.)

Wonderful advice as we host more gatherings in the coming months. And with some practice, we can leave our guests better than we found them. 🎂