We can all work on our relationship-building skills. Friends, family, colleagues, partners — there are always ways we can improve.

For a long time, I believed I needed to be interesting for folks to connect with me. Have cool hobbies, a great career, and perhaps a little mystery in who I am. Only then could I foster bonds that weren’t superficial.

But as I got older, I realized something else. It’s better to be interested. True curiosity about a person’s story. If we are authentically attentive, we can form a closeness that’s deep and durable.

A good lesson to understand than to be understood.