Thinking Out Loud
“An overnight success is 10 years in the making.”
Ain’t that the truth? But a decade is still a decade. A long, hard, winding, chaotic, unpredictable decade.
But… the comforting part: a step is also still a step. The tortoise still gets there eventually. Even if the other hares have been laughing at him.
So even if it’s slow….trust your training. Trust your process. Trust in “No Zero Days”.
Because all at once, you’re there.
We all have a favorite flavor of working out: running, swimming, lifting, walking or dancing.
And when we get hurt from a workout, we tend to our injury by visiting our physicians & specialists.
But what about giving similar energy for working in? Dedicated time to care for our mind & soul.
The beautiful part of ‘working in’ is it comes in various flavors too: meditating, drawing, reading, journaling or creating.
And if we have similar mental wounds from our past; we take the same time to care for ourselves through a therapist or counselor.
So a reminder to not just do the work outside in, but inside out too.
As much as the world has changed this year and last, many of our feelings may have not.
Some feel peace. Some feel pain. And many of us are somewhere in the middle.
One phrase I continue to lean on: no feeling is final. Tomorrow will always be different, even if it doesn’t feel better.
It helps me feel humble on sunny days, and hope on the rainy ones.
So whatever you’re feeling…it’s okay. Just know it’s not the end.
A tweet jolted me awake the other day:
You can’t be a good apple and be quiet about the bad ones.
— Mark Greene (@RemakingManhood) April 19, 2021
It made me reflect on how we define “goodness”. We tend to evaluate ourselves on a spectrum of our own actions, but so often, we are silent bystanders to the nefarious actions we witness.
This came to bear even more when I saw Promising Young Woman, a harrowing reminder that we don’t do enough to speak up when it counts.
So a reminder to myself: have the strength to stand tall and use my voice — especially when it’s hard.
For many of us, our manager has a huge impact on our day-to-day work experience.
Bad ones make the Sunday Scaries even more dreadful. Good ones feel like wind beneath your wings.
So what makes a good manager?
Thoughtful Editor: Your manager is the first to see your work, and the way they give feedback is so important. The good ones spend extraordinary amount of time pouring over your output to make it shine: with revisions, annotations and questions.
Safety, not intimidation: Things will go wrong at work; it’s not a matter of if but when. Not-so-good managers make you sweat before every meeting. Better ones can create pockets of security, letting openness and honesty be the bedrock of the relationship.
A Long Leash: Your were hired for a reason. Why not go out and deliver greatness? Awesome managers know that. They trust their team to do their job without getting in their business. A funny quote: “Don’t hire a dog so you can bark yourself.”
I hope many of us have the chance to work for great people, and if given the chance, manage people with grace.
“Bigness” is taught in every course, classroom and training.
And very good reasons: if we achieve a whole greater than the sum of its parts, it creates significant value for everyone.
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on where to think smaller. And there were two places that struck me:
We tend to fall into the dogma of who we aren’t and what we can’t do. And when we introduce such rigidity, we jail our potential into a petite space.
For me, this was changing my mindset on singing. Something I always wanted to do but was too proud to admit I could be a “singer”, and not just “a business guy who sings”.
As Conor Barnes writes, “ “I’m not the kind of person who does things like that’ is not an explanation, it’s a trap. It prevents nerds from working out and men from dancing.”
I had a wonderful coffee with my best friend’s dad. He is a seasoned founder, executive and family man. We were discussing the idea of risk & cost, an area that I am generally averse.
He gave some great counsel when you make big bets on yourself. “Keep your needs small.” As I discussed in my last post, we tend to accumulate 3x more than we really need. The more we can let go, the more tolerance we have to reach for moonshots.
If everything burned, what would keep your head & heart happy? The bare essentials can free us more than we imagine.
What other place can micro help us more than macro?
The treadmill for “more” is endless. And as the saying goes, the more stuff we buy, the more our stuff owns us.
And we wake up to clutter: owning more stuff than we actually need: I am a #1 offender in this.
Gary Collins, author of The Simple Life, had some great questions to ask yourself before buying something:
The toughest one to answer. Wants/needs are blurred so easily. A recommendation I found is to leave it in the cart or write it down, and a find way to “earn” it by reaching a goal.
And this includes all the hidden costs too (tax, service, fees, etc). I am a fan of having all the money up-front for the total cost of ownership; versus a payment plan.
Life will carry on as it always does. Will you remember the need for this in a week?
When things break (and everything does break), I have the money and resources to fix it.
I can commit to using this and not have it collect dust in a closet.
My hope for myself is to take an honest and practical eye on everything I own (and want to own).
Less is best.
My appreciation for sports has grown over the years, and it’s always impressive to watch championship teams.
What’s remarkable is when you realize what it took to get there.
During the March Madness NCAA basketball tournament, one of the head coaches commented on own team’s development: “Water the roots, and not the leaves.”
Coaches spend years recruiting, training, investing and growing a body of young, inexperienced players. And it could take a decade before it all comes together.
And on players: the best coaches don’t just focus on the best “leaves” for now, but the promising “roots” for later.
Love this analogy on our own lives too: What fundamentals can you pour yourself into that will sprout success in 5 years?
My grandpa has a sweet tradition. As he walks up and down his street, he always stops and says hello.
Hello to children as he gives them a sweet.
Hello to neighbors as he asks about their garden.
Hello to elders to ask about their health.
Hello to vendors to ask about their business.
It’s such a beautiful, simple interaction that is sadly ebbing away. There are fewer reasons to acknowledge our community outside — since there are more reasons to stay inside. Work, goods, and services just arrive at our doorstep that reduces those “single-serving” interactions.
So as it becomes safer again to interact, it’ll be heaven to hear more “hellos”.
P.S. Interestingly: in the digital world (chat or messages), please don’t just say “hello”. Especially poignant in a work setting as it leaves too much room for heartache and anxiety.
Many of us have embarked on a journey for growth. But growth is always messy and never linear.
And in this journey, the hardest conversations are the ones we have with ourselves. I found myself slipping into binary lanes: you achieved or failed. You made it or you didn’t. 0 or 1.
I read a great concept from Aadam in Physiqonomics on giving yourself grace: it’s never all or nothing, it’s all or something.
For any goal: a step in the right direction is still a step — no matter how big it is.
And that’s something.
Earlier this year, I read a book about Bill Campbell: a coach to hundreds of luminaries in Silicon Valley, notably Steve Jobs, Eric Schmidt, and Larry Page.
He was the type of guy who believed deeply in candor, caring, and comfort — and gave hours of his day to lift others to be great. A quotation I liked from him: “If you’ve been blessed, be a blessing”.
In many ways, we are products of luck, privilege, and environment— all blessings, either disguised or not. So why not share in the fortune and always pay it forward?
Count your blessings, and be the blessing other people count on.
Another trip around the sun! It’s been an astonishing year. Peaks, valleys, and everything in between.
Some of my reflections on my first year in my third decade:
Govern your time. The pandemic’s gift was a study in time — realizing how much we have and how much we may have left. It’s the one universal shared resource we all must spend. Are you using your “budget” wisely? If not, what can do you differently this year?
You are your own best friend. It always starts at the beginning. No one is going to look after yourself as much as you can. So indulge in every precious moment you can to take care of everything that matters to you.
Create, build, make: I keep coming back to this. I sincerely believe it’s the most unblinking fixture of humanity: stand in the arena and put something out in the world. The process is wildly sobering & fulfilling.
In the spirit of a fresh new year, I am thrilled to join two wonderful folks: writer Kylee from Blue Sky Mind & artist Jenny Haught to discuss the intended & unintended effects of the last year: Processing the Pandemic:
Join us on Clubhouse tomorrow, Sunday, March 14 @ 8pm CT / 9pm ET. (Email me if you would like an invite; iPhone only at this time)
Come share your story & bring meaning to this time.
I toured the Whitney Museum of American Art yesterday, and it was enchanting.
It was the first time I listened to an audio tour. You could hear how artists conceptualized their pieces and memorialize their life in subtle meanings & messages. Highly recommend!
One specific installation that was especially vibrant was “Nothing is So Humble” — showcasing prints from everyday objects. Artists used styrofoam, banana skins, pantyhoses and other ordinary objects as their canvas.
The curators write: “The resulting surface impressions—at once precise and abstracted—capture intimate views of their commonplace subjects that teeter between recognizable and elusive. By making visible what might otherwise be overlooked, these works transform ordinary encounters into poetic and poignant accounts of our world.”
It filled me with awe. Beauty can be found in the simplest of places, if only we choose to look.
Source: Whitney Museum
Lately, I’m expanding my horizon in books — I am enjoying reading a romance novel: Normal People.
It’s been interesting to spectate a fictional love story: especially with emotions that feel so real and raw they jump off the page.
And it made me reflect on whom we love and why we love them. And how hard it is to do sometimes.
Lasting love seems to be choice. The choice to stay together. The choice to do without abandon. The choice to make it a verb.
And if we choose, reality can be better than any dream.
My affinity for creativity has only grown with time. It’s something I deeply believe is an antidote to managing trying times.
But with my creations, I tend to index to an ‘overstuffing’ fallacy. Lately, I am reminded that beauty is often what’s not there.
As I step back and observe my work, my canvas — a document, deck, blog, song, or drawing — looks more cluttered than clean.
All that extra is taking away from the essence. So a reminder to look for subtractions, not additions.
Our loved ones (especially our partner) matter so much. If everything falls apart, we treasure them to help us come back together.
Yet at the end of the day, they get what’s left of us. Most of our energy goes towards the “others” in our day — our colleagues, neighbors, maybe even strangers.
And we can “come home” feeling spent, leaving room for irritability and crankiness. What if we could flip the script?
Be intentional about saving energy for them. Give them fresh, not stale or old.
Likely a more tasty experience for all involved. (Happy Valentine’s day this weekend!)
Most of the time, our memory flows unevenly. Bits and pieces float to the surface, but most of it washes away in the tide.
But other days: it feels etched in stone. Everything is crystal clear; the sights, the sounds, the smells.
Yesterday was one of those days for me. I closed a chapter in DFW and opened a new one in NYC.
The best part of life is our collection of etches, and I look forward to those you will carve too!
January is my learning month! And I was fortunate to take a class on sales & persuasion from the savvy & sharp thinker: Daniel Pink.
I’ve often felt that everyone is in sales. We use these skills even when we don’t think we are — understanding, partnering, and collaborating. And it’s something we all can get better.
Few things that caught my attention:
Irritation vs Agitation: We want people to take action, but we tend to use force & power to convince them. This is irritating and rarely works. Rather, focus on agitation: where people realize they ought to do something out of their own volition. So find a way to inspire them from within.
Example: if you're asking your kid to clean their room, start with “On a scale of 1-10, how ready are you to clean your room?” They likely will say “1-2”. Irritation might force you to ask “why is it not higher”? but agitation might inspire them “Why is not lower”? Invite them to challenge their own thinking.
The Pixar Pitch: Channel the mastery of Pixar when describing your scenario. We are all wired to hear stories, and we respond positively to a simple structure. So make your pitch analogous to a fairytale: “Once upon a time. every day, one day, because of that, and finally."
Example: “Once upon a time, Drew Houston wanted to work on a document. Every day, he brought this document on a thumbdrive on his bus to work. One day, he forgot it at home and was stuck without access. Because of that, he thought there must be a better way to access files anywhere. Finally, he started Dropbox to fix this.
Buoyancy Self-Talk: There is a little voice in our head that can bring us down to our knees. There are betters ways to lift ourselves up: 1) employ interrogative talk vs reinforcing talk. 2) de-catastrophize events by asking: is this personal, pervasive and permanent and 3) treat yourself like you were treating a friend.
Example: Ask yourself “Can you do this, and how”? versus “I can do this”. And if the voice of dissent gets louder: push back by asking: does this always happen and will it always be like this?
An excellent reminder! Thank you Mr. Pink for your rose-colored glasses into this world.
On Wed, I was absolutely floored by the epic and eternal words from poet Amanda Gorman: “The Hill We Climb”.
For so many years, the US was struggling under the weight of macro and microforces. And at a flashpoint, Ms. Gorman was able to inspire millions with hope and resolve.
It made me so appreciative of the power of spoken and written word. Her words were strung together like a beautiful tapestry.
As someone wrote: “They danced off the page — both achingly precise and mesmerizing”. My favorite was the end:
For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it
If only we’re brave enough to be it.
We needed you, Amanda. Thank you for being a harbor in our storm.
I just finished an amazing Masterclass with Robin Roberts.
She is an absolute tour de force — bursting with warmth & brimming with confidence. Her story is inspiring: from breaking multiple barriers to anchor both ESPN & Good Morning America, while also fighting through 2 rounds of soul-sapping cancer.
She shared many beautiful lessons that resonated:
When fear knocks, let faith answer. A belief in “Everything will be okay in the end” can be a powerful ally as the waves of life get choppier. We can’t predict our future: good or bad. An opportunity could be knocking next. As Robin shares: “Get ready for your suddenly” because something may be around the corner, and “God’s delays aren’t his denials” because timing is everything.
Make your mess your message. Your ‘mess’ — the raw, scary underbelly of your life — can be a great healing opportunity for many people similarly struggling. Robin was hesitant to share about her 2 battles with cancer, especially with audiences on live TV. She decided to be open and share actions, such as early detection and blood donations. Thousands of people were likely saved from her vulnerability.
‘One Day’ vs ‘Day One’. Don’t dawdle; we have only 1 precious life. Why postpone things further? It’s easier to kick the can down the road for so many of our dreams and ambitions. Robin exclaims to take charge of your life as soon as you can. Flip your approach from something that you’ll do eventually (‘one day’) to something you can try to do today (‘day one’).
“I get to do this” - Let optimism course through your veins, even for the mundane. You might hate waking up early or walking in the cold. Robin invites us to elevate our thinking to say “I get to do this” versus “I have to do this”. That little bit of sunlight in a cracked day can make the difference; changing the way you think can change the way you feel.
Robin, I was dazzled by your grace and humor. We are better off because of you. Thank you!