Managing the Drip

I’ve been trying to be more mindful of addictive forces in the last month.

One is my relationship with technology. These are triggers that cause a spike in dopamine aka the “the drip” — such as alerts, notifications, badges, and endless scrolling.

Like a slot machine, I was repeatedly pulled back into my devices to numb myself from an emotion: anxiety, boredom, or malaise.

Some of the changes I’ve been trying to implement:

• No red badges: It was intoxicating to see the counter go up, especially on social apps that doled out “likes” or “comments”. Turning these off and seeing a clean screen allowed me to choose apps I wanted to go to, versus being told to go into.

• Reducing push notifications: I had this compulsive need to look at my phone for any notification, especially a text. I took a hard look at what I really need to be notified immediately vs. in summary.

• Removing home-screen apps: When I opened my phone, I immediately looked at app icons that pirated my screen time. Starting at these apps made me wonder what content I was missing. Hiding these away from my home screen was a forcing function to help break the spell of wonder.

It’s been a winding road, and I definitely break down on many days. But I am trying to build my tech environment to move from pure willpower (which fails constantly) to strong systems.

Any steps you’ve taken to detox from the drip?

Superman

I recently stumbled upon a song that I loved: Superman by Five for Fighting.

The singer John Ondrasik takes the perspective of Superman, the most powerful comic-book being, speculating on his humanness. An invincible hero who also struggles with doubt, pain, and worry. Here are some of the lyrics:

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream?
And it's not easy to be me.

It was a nostalgic moment for me. I remember listening to it 15 years ago and reflecting on the duality of life. Happy people could be suffering invisibly. Normal folks could be fighting demons.

It made me remember a lovely quotation: “Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” We’ve all been blessed with kindness to pull us up when we needed it most. Saved by a hero in plain clothes.

How can you pay it forward this week? 🦸🏻‍♂️

Regret

I’m a big fan of Daniel Pink, and I’ve enjoyed his latest work: 'The Power of Regret'.

Pink surveyed thousands of people to understand the pillars of regret. He distilled it into 4 main categories:

• Connection - “If only I’d reached out. “ This is when relationships fray — either from a sudden rip or a gradual drift. A connection that was once intact no longer is.

• Foundation - “If only I’d done the work.” This is when we put short-term gains over long-term payoffs, such as skipping school or not saving enough.

• Boldness - “If only I’d taken that risk.” This is when we lack the courage to act, such as failing to start a business or never taking a chance on a romantic interest.

• Moral - “If only I’d done the right thing.” This is when we act on what our conscience says is the wrong path - such as betrayal or infidelity. These regrets scar us the most and last the longest.

He mentions how most of us try to follow a path of regret minimization: “No regrets”. But that’s a perfectionist mentality where we’re likely to be disappointed.

Regrets will naturally occur; we just need to harness the learning. We should practice:

1. Self-disclosure: Relieve your burden. Write it out on paper so you can read your feelings and properly reflect.

2. Self-compassion: Reframe your thinking. Know it’s not an innate flaw, but a misstep. Treat yourself like we would treat a friend - with kindness and grace.

3. Self-distance: Remove the rancor. Allow yourself some perspective — how would your future self look at this in 10 years? What would another person in your shoes do?

Pink sums it up nicely: “If you are dealing with one of the four core regrets, project yourself to a specific point in the future and ask yourself which choice will most help you connect with others, build a solid foundation, take a sensible risk, or do the right thing.” 🔮

Elvis

I was mesmerized by Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis. A fantastic biopic on the rock&roll legend.

It painted a stunning but sobering picture of singer & actor who transformed a generation of music for eternity. But also someone who battled the forces of fame that came with it.

It was sad to see those in his circle also take advantage of his stardust, especially his manager Colonel Tom Parker. It reminded me how important to be careful of the company you keep: “Don’t blame the clown, blame the circus.”

Nevertheless, seeing Mr. Presley (portrayed immaculately by Austin Butler) continue to perform & persevere all the way to the very end left me with goosebumps.

In his final years, Elvis shares: “I learned very early in life that: 'Without a song, the day would never end; without a song, a man ain't got a friend; without a song, the road would never bend - without a song. ' So I keep singing a song. Goodnight.”

Divine

This week, I got to spend with my first cousins. It’s been half a decade since we’ve all been together!

And my goodness, it was divine.

We had a few big plans, but so much of the fun was in the unplanned: laughing on the couch, chatting at the counter, and jamming in the car.

In fact, doing nothing felt like everything. I’m thankful for this little slice of heaven! ❤️

What I Got

So much of life is self-discovery.

A humbling process where we 1) acknowledge our weaknesses and 2) appreciate our strengths. But as you go through this, it’s hard sometimes to shake that feeling that we aren’t enough.

I was reflecting on this over the last few months. So I wrote a song: ‘What I Got’ to underscore the opposite: we DO have everything we need inside of us.

Here are some of the lyrics:

I am what I got, I know that's a lot.

Bright and bold and stronger, I'm bigger than I thought.

I am what I got, and I know that’s a lot.

Kind and free and happy, that's what I was taught.

Huge appreciation to my good friend Shreyas Panda for his collaboration and production. Check out some of his incredible music!

Float

I watched a segment from Rabbi Steve Leader on grief. Worth a watch in full, but I appreciated how he recategorized grief from stages to waves.

Rather than a process that’s linear, he mentioned grief feels like the ocean. In the beginning, waves of grief will hit you frequently. But over time, the waves will spread over weeks & months. A wave will still come once in a while, and that’s okay.

When it comes, don’t face and fight the wave. It’ll crash into you, knock you around, and leave you disheveled and gasping.

His approach is to float. Let the wave wash over you; feel the rise of the swell, the peak of the crest, and the fall of the trough.

And once it passes, take all the time you need to stand up again. 🌊

Awing & Honoring

For the people we love, we have to learn to love. Likely a journey we do for our entire life.

Something I stumbled upon that I really like: continue to awe and honor your partner.

What that means to me is 1) be enchanted at their wonderful strengths and 2) be patient with their opportunities.

There’s something magical about surprise & delight. Perhaps a mindset to hold to keep the good going. Happy June!

Wobble

So much sad news has happened in the past few weeks. Especially in Uvalde, Buffalo, and Ukraine. Anger, grief, and pain can flood us or may take the form of numbness too.

With so much going on, you’re bound to feel wobbly. It’s hard to find sure footing when the world shifts like lava under us.

A reminder to all of us to make space for whatever we’re feeling. Find the sanctuary you need to rest, renew and reflect.

And then find something you can control — perhaps with action or service.

In times like this, I remember this soothing quotation from Mother Teresa: “Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.”

Class Act

There are people in our life that are flat-out outstanding. And the word that comes to me when I meet them: class act.

It’s the impeccable focus on the “class” part that draws my admiration. Classy people are intentional about a) who they are and b) how they do it. They give grace, love kindly, follow-through, and stand for something.

A quotation that I read recently made me think of these types of folks:

“Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress. Don’t strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt.”

Remember yourself

In all types of relationships, there’s usually some sacrifice. And for many of us, that could mean suppressing our own wants, needs, and feelings.

This can lead to unhealthy tradeoffs — and if too one-sided, could push us to swing wildly to another fixed mindset: “Always put yourself first” or “My way or the highway.”

But I like this new affirmation that is softer & kinder: “Remember yourself.”

That means you can still consider your loved ones, but also deeply consider your own thoughts and feelings. It’s a beautiful thing to take care of others, but equally beautiful to take care of ourselves.

Rest Ethic

I was reading a fantastic blog post from author & journalist Kevin Kelly: 103 Bits of Advice. He turned 70 and shared bits of wisdom from a life well-lived.

It’s worth a read in full, but I loved this one in particular:

“Efficiency is highly overrated; Goofing off is highly underrated. Regularly scheduled sabbaths, sabbaticals, vacations, breaks, aimless walks and time off are essential for top performance of any kind. The best work ethic requires a good rest ethic.”

A hardened work ethic is lauded by many — the coffee-infused, all-night sprints. And it’s true that putting in the hours unlocks great outcomes. But there’s a natural limit — too much for too long leads to diminishing returns.

We need to take care of ourselves for true sustained performance. It should be prioritized as much as other things on our to-do list.

So to be all well, we need to rest well.

Clear is Kind

As we navigate personal & professional relationships, I heard an adage from my sister-in-law Rachita that stuck with me.

Clear is kind.

It’s a lovely way how to approach situations — especially the tricky ones. Being clear on how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking builds safety and connection. This is hard. True vulnerability can create a few aches and bumps, but also can be extremely freeing & loving.

A house built on real & raw truth can weather a lot of ups and downs and makes the journey so much sweeter.

So if we’re looking to care more, perhaps it’s time to be more clear.

The Harder Right

My dad and I visited West Point last weekend, the distinguished U.S. military academy in the Hudson Valley.

It was extraordinary to see what cadets go through to become an officer — fortifying themselves in mind, body, and spirit to prepare for a demanding career in the armed services and beyond.

I was drawn to a particular phrase in the Cadet Prayer: “Make us to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong.”

We all face crossroads in our life where a decision is hugely consequential. When the stakes are high and risky, it’s easy to loosen our moral code to take the convenient choice. But the strength to do the hard thing that you know in your heart — even when no one is looking — is a quality I will always admire.

My gratitude to “The Long Gray Line” of West Point graduates who lead us to be better.

Unlearn

As I enter a new space, I realize there’s so much to learn. But I’ve been also been thinking about the inverse: what I have to unlearn.

Before, it was curious to me why you would want to go “backward” to discard and forget things. Now, I realize how necessary it is to reassess behaviors and mindsets that aren’t serving us anymore. You can’t add tea to a full cup.

A few questions that I liked from Tim Ferris on this process:

• What if I did the opposite for 48 hours?

• What if I could only subtract to solve problems?

• What would this look like if it were easy?

Perhaps, the old way isn’t the best way. What things are you unlearning?

Legos

I started a new job this week at Gusto! It is an HR platform that helps small businesses take care of their teams through payroll, benefits, and insurance.

I love to be part of organizations that codify their values. And continually refine, discuss, and implement them with their teams.

One particular one I connected with is: “Build with humility” where our founder Josh talks about sharing your legos.

It’s such a simple, fantastic way of elevating the team over the individual. We all come with artifacts of knowledge and insight — why not share all of it freely with our colleagues?

As a new employee, I feel this value so personally. When the whole org coalesces to help you, you feel on such surer footing in a new environment.

Looking forward to sharing my building blocks to make an awesome future — together!

Come as you are

I watched an exceptional movie this week: Coda.

The film features Ruby, a child of deaf adults (CODA), who can hear but her family can’t. It chronicles her relationship navigating two worlds: the deaf world & the hearing world. It’s a mesmerizing story of belonging, courage, and connection.

The best part? Most of the movie is done in ASL with deaf actors — and it just won two Oscars: Best Picture and Best Supporting Actor.

It made me reflect on a phrase I love: Come as you are.

We are all blessed with talent. But our talents may be unique from everyone else — and that’s a good thing. The success of Coda shows that this difference should be celebrated.

So share your gifts! The world is waiting. 🤟

Amigos

Friendship is such an essential part of our life — but interestingly, we stop nurturing these connections as we age.

From the Atlantic this month, writer Jennifer Senior pens an illuminating essay on friendship:

“When you’re in middle age, you start to realize how very much you need your friends. They’re the flora and fauna in a life that hasn’t had much diversity, because you’ve been so busy—so relentlessly, stupidly busy—with middle-age things: kids, house, spouse, or some modern-day version of Zorba’s full catastrophe.

Then one day you look up and discover that the ambition monkey has fallen off your back; the children into whom you’ve pumped thousands of kilowatt-hours are no longer partial to your company; your partner may or may not still be by your side. And what, then, remains? With any luck, your friends.

Friendship is the rare kind of relationship that remains forever available to us as we age. It’s a bulwark against stasis, a potential source of creativity and renewal in lives that otherwise narrow with time.”

And the sobering reality: if we don’t tend to our relationship garden, they quickly wither.

So what can we do? Moving to a new city, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about friendships: creating, fostering, and maintaining them — both new and old. A few things that I’m reading and trying:

• Anchoring with Interests: Find a common interest to underscore your relationship: a show, sport, artist, game, or food. And plan things or have chats around that topic. I look at different events a few months ahead and then connect with people who could be interested in them, so we can enjoy them together.

• Think → Connect: Whenever you think of someone, text them. My mom is fantastic at this; she’s shown me that you shouldn’t worry too much about what you say, but just that you do it. Another tip was to be more participatory in social media; just don’t look at their Facebook & Instagram; comment on their Feed posts & respond to their Stories to start a dialogue.

• IRL (In Real Life): If you’re like me, some of your closest friends live a thousand miles away. But with a little planning, you can make time to see them in person — even for a weekend once a year. That time is absolutely magical and will be rocket fuel for your relationship. Doing your best to show up and see them is worth every penny.

This little marble we live on is only for a moment, and it’s just a heck of a lot more enjoyable if we do it with people we love.

How are you making space for your amigos del corazón? 👬

XXXII

I turned 32 last Sunday.

Flooded with blessings & gratitude, especially after a volatile two years. A few things on my mind lately:

• Protect your health. Our whole life starts and ends with us. If we’re not taking care of ourselves, nothing can begin. We incessantly withdraw from our health bank — leading to damaging consequences. A reminder to make continuous deposits to wellness: in mind, body, and spirit.

• No ideal timelines. A library is filled with different books: novels, novellas, and tomes. No book is perfect, but all can share a great story. A reminder to stay content with writing your own book; you’re the best author for it!

• Wander & wonder. It’s never too late to explore. Meandering should happen our entire life — into new hobbies, passions, and interests. Having range is a wonderful outcome for being a lifelong learner & creator. A reminder to break from the safe shores into the open ocean.

As I embark on another trip around the sun, a heartfelt thank-you to everyone on this path with me. The journey is only as fun as the people you do it with. 😊

Next Play

After half a decade, I leave a wonderful company today — LinkedIn.

This place was special. Every day, I was surrounded by colleagues who cared not just about “work you”, but the “whole you.” People who asked not just about “What did you do?” but “How are you doing?”. People who believed deeply about doing good and doing well.

And it made me reflect on careers: it really doesn’t matter what you do, but who you do it with. One concept I loved in my time here was the idea of “next play”. The company knew no job lasts forever; in fact, it actively encouraged you to dream big — and then gave you the tools to go after it.

I am flooded with gratitude. Thank you LinkedIn for making this play a ride of a lifetime, and then building me up for the next play.