Sonder

I heard a word that I liked: Sonder.

Sonder is a term coined by John Koenig in his book The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows.

It refers to the profound realization that every person you encounter is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—filled with their own dreams, struggles, and routines.

Appreciate that others have their own story unfolding, even if you’re just a small part of their day. Interconnected, yet distinct.

And it connects so well to the famous quote: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle…”

Unexpressed Love

“Grief is all the unexpressed love that we never got to give to the other person.”

And there is an ocean of it from this life to the next. Rest in love, my Dadaji! 💟

Learn. Earn. Return.

I recently saw Gladiator 2 — which featured the iconic Denzel Washington. At almost 70, his gravitas is unmatched.

I saw a great video of him sharing life advice over a five decade career.

“First part of your life, you learn. Second part of your life, you earn. And third part of life, you return.”

Beautifully said. The first two heuristics I’ve heard before, but loved the last one:

• Learn: In the early years, be a relentless sponge and soak as much you can from people who’ve done.

• Earn: In the middle years, invest in mastery and negotiate to be paid fairly and commensurate to all your experience.

• Return: In the later years, leave it better than you found it. Give yourself back to your community — and pay it forward with mentorship, money and time.

Wisdom to remember for a long time!

All we need

Happy Thanksgiving! I watched a sports documentary, The Starting Five (awesome show!), and I enjoyed how different teams rally each other in the huddle.

This one made me smile: “All we got. All we need.” For me, it meant that if we have people who care for us — even if they are few — then it’s a gift to cherish.

That’s why this season of holidays matters so much. A time to feel grateful for the abundance already in our lives — a sound body, a calm mind, and a house full of love.

Couch Friends

This weekend, I was talking to my good friend Anuj about friendship. We shared perspectives on building networks away from home — he in LA and I in NYC.

Entering our mid-30s, we lamented how difficult it was to meet—feeling like a jigsaw puzzle to coordinate schedules. And if you do meet with new people, the conversation can be stilted. No one is perfectly comfortable…yet.

It made us both appreciate what we coined “couch friends.” Put another way - it’s those relationships that feel like no-brainers. You simply have to text: “Want to chill?” They come over, sit on your couch, and chit-chat.

That’s it. No prep. No scheduling. And it feels amazing.

Hope we can find that — no matter where we go!

Leave it Behind

As we enter the holiday season, it’s a blessing to have the extra time to reflect.

You start to take stock of your past year and start thinking about the next year. One concept I’ve been thinking about is how precious our one life is.

We can take our soul but leave behind everything else: every cent we earned and every object we bought.

So, knowing that it all goes zero, is our time well spent?

How are you sleeping?

A pleasantry everyone uses: “How are you doing?”

It’s a routine check-in, but generally, the answers are trivial. “Good” or “Fine” are par for the course, and we move on with our lives.

In reality, there can be a lot bubbling under the surface. Life stretches all of us — but we tend not to share it.

I saw a question that hit home: “How are you sleeping?” When things get tough, sleep is the first thing affected. Poor sleep is a clear sign of stress and anxiety, and it’s hard to hide it.

For our loved ones, we want to know what’s really happening. Asking about their sleep can be the first step to doing that.

The Candle and the Mirror

Happy Diwali! One of my favorite festivals that celebrates the light and love around us.

I was reflecting on one of my favorite quotations:

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” — Edith Wharton

Everyone has inner light. On great days, it illuminates. On hard days, it flickers and feels dim.

It’s a good reminder that we don’t always need to be the source of light. It’s more than enough to redirect it by being kind and caring.

Light will always lift — no matter where it comes from.

Think like a Farmer

Gardens aren’t guaranteed. After months or years of tending, one frown from Mother Nature can wipe it all out.

That’s where I saw this graphic and immediately smiled: Think like a Farmer

• You can’t force anything. Growth happens in its own time — with the right conditions and care.

• You can’t plan for everything. You can set it all up perfectly, and then — forces can disrupt it. It’s not anyone’s fault. Just prepare as best you can, and then focus on agility to adapt.

What habits will help your harvest? 🧑‍🌾

Polymath

I came across this word the other day, and I loved its meaning.

A polymath is a person with knowledge and expertise in a wide range of subjects, excelling in multiple fields. It comes from Greek words polus (many) and manthanein (to learn). The Renaissance Man.

Ones that come to mind are Leonardo da Vinci, Benjamin Franklin, and of course, Elon Musk. Brilliance that spans across categories.

It’s a concept I come back to a lot. It’s a wonderful thing to specialize, but where can I find range? You are never stuck in one dimension.

A reminder to myself: stay committed to curiosity and wandering. It may yield wonderful outcomes.

Into the Uncut Grass

This week, I enjoyed seeing a show with Trevor Noah.

For those who may not know, he’s a South African comedian, writer, and former host of The Daily Show— born to a black Xhosa mother and a white Swiss-German father during apartheid.

I’ve been drawn to his worldview. He recently published a children’s book: Into the Uncut Grass.

During the show, he mentioned a few things that resonated:

• We don’t spend enough time telling children why. Parents typically resort to “I know better” or “Because I said so”… which can create rifts. He mentioned a memory he had with his younger brother, who’s 20 years younger than him:

  • When his brother dropped some dishes, Trevor scolded him, but his brother replied, “I’m younger and don’t know everything yet. You have lived more life than me and know better. If you explain calmly vs yell, it will help me grow wiser!”

• Leverage a coin flip. In a decision, the person who doesn’t get their way may leave with some resentment. Yes, they acquiesced, but it didn’t feel good. He laughed that a coin flip could be a better solution.

  • If you leave things up to a chance (e.g., picking a dinner spot or deciding on a vacation spot), both parties don’t feel slighted. There’s no one to blame except the random cosmic power of a coin!

• Choosing an easy life or difficult life. Trevor had a philosophical question for the audience. “Would you choose an easy life with no people or a hard life with people?” And his point was, in life — we don’t get to choose what happens to us, but we do get to (generally) choose with whom we do it.

  • Continue to spend time tending to your garden of relationships. It’s not worth it to have everything at the cost of everyone.

Thank you Trevor for a wonderful evening of perspective!

Unseen Plans

The future can feel murky at times, right?

You peer into the distance and can’t make out anything. And you wonder and loop: how can I move forward? It’s a challenge to process this feeling.

But if we rewind the clock, this isn’t a new feeling. Our past self has felt the same way — and we all eventually arrived. You’ve made it through 100% of your hardest days.

So I’m practicing a shift in my thinking: surrender to the unseen plan.

There are larger forces at work. Trust that it’s working it out for you.

Perfectly Cast

One of my favorite parts of NYC is the arts & culture, and the theater is close to my heart.

That’s why I especially loved this quote from Lin-Manuel Miranda:

“You are perfectly cast in your life. I can't imagine anyone but you in the role. Go play.” ―Lin-Manuel Miranda

When the night is dark and rain is pouring, it’s easy to wonder: Am I enough? Should I be different?

These thoughts can fester and burrow into our psyche. But there’s another truth: there’s no one else better to be doing it.

This is your story. And you were always meant to play it.

Living in a Good Memory

I liked this thought from Dan Cullum about living in a good memory.

It’s when you’re simultaneously aware that (1) a good thing is happening, and (2) it’s going to become a memory. In that moment, you’re living in a good memory.

What a beautiful thought. We tend to look back on ‘core memories’ with fondness, only realizing how meaningful the moment was until later.

But other times, you actively know you’re experiencing something special. It will be etched into your life forever — and may not come around again.

Take extra special attention when you’re living in this magic!

Honest Expression

Tanvi and I went to a concert with Hans Zimmer — the legendary composer and producer behind some of our favorite films: Interstellar, The Dark Night, The Lion King, and Pirates of the Caribbean. (This is my favorite!)

What a remarkable show — honoring a body of work that lasted 40 years in 150 films. It made me reflect on the power of longevity. His creative force only expanded with experience and maturity.

I was reading something similar about Pablo Picasso. He created art well into his 90s, driven by his deep commitment to honest expression— not to be famous or reach a money milestone.

He could have easily stopped, but his love of creation was the real reason to continue. Like Zimmer, it allowed him to innovate his craft over decades.

What a treat to experience the work of artists driven by this sincerity.

Ikagai

I keep coming back to Japanese concepts to steer my thinking. This week, I was remembering a popular one: ikagai.

Ikigai means “reason for being” — blending two words: “iki” meaning “to live,” and “gai” meaning “reason.”

It’s the intersection of passion (what you love), vocation (what you’re good at), mission (what the world needs), and profession (what you can be paid for).

I love that the word considers all forces — versus a narrow approach of impractical dreams or boring drudgery. Many of us are thankful to have at least a few spheres, but the ultimate goal is to find the middle of Fantastic 4.

What a wonderful world it would be to see everyone at the center of their ikagai.

Patient & Urgent

As we enter the final months of 2024, I was thinking about progress on some goals.

It’s been helpful to do a “lookback” to see how my actions ladder up to what I want to achieve. Every so often, I look at the past quarter and say: “Man, that didn’t hit the mark…”

As I continue to practice grace, I appreciated this quote from Jesse Pujji, a 2x founder and father of 3.

“I'm 39 going on 40. It took 10, arguably 20 years to position myself this way (since I was a 15-year-old studying hard for the PSAT). So if I leave you with one thing, it's this: be long-term patient and urgent daily”

I’ve been trying to start with a question: “What’s the healthiest decision I can make today?” Those tiny, boring decisions start to compound. If we practice daily discipline, great things can happen.

That tree only grows mighty in years if you’re willing to water it every day. Be patient for the harvest, but urgent in the care.

Lucky

I watched the DNC this week, and there was a beautiful moment during Governor Tim Walz's speech.

His son Gus — filled with pride and emotion — was moved to tears as he cheered on his father. “That’s my dad!”

Absolutely touching. It made me proud of the Walz family — where strength, care, and feelings are all part of the same sentence. That’s a table I want to be part of.

Chasten Buttigieg framed it so well: We should all be so lucky to know a love like that.

Fault vs. Responsibility

When something goes awry, we shift to blame. Who should own up to the error?

It’s generally unproductive to start pointing fingers — so much may be out of our control. And if it’s in our control, maturity comes with starting with yourself. What could I have done better?

But I’ve started liking the movement from assigning fault → accepting responsibility.

Fault is about the past—it’s who or what caused a problem. Responsibility is about the present and future—it’s taking control of what happens next. Even if you may not be at fault, it may still be your responsibility to handle it.

I love how empowering this can be. It allows you to respond, adapt, and shape the future.

Moving from “What happened?” to “What now”? 🆚

Non-Scale Victories

As I build my fitness kingdom, I am learning to measure progress. What are the signals that I’m heading in the right direction?

For years, it was an absolute: the number on the scale. The end. But over time, I’m learning to broaden my definition.

Yes, weight can be one indicator, but I equally appreciate the non-scale victories. Things like strength, endurance, mood, energy levels, and sleep quality.

Taking a 360° view feels like a more sustainable approach. The goal is a lifestyle of healthy habits! How do you approach this?